Blazing Memories

Old Friends

Good frinds are to find...
Hard to leave...
Impossible to forget...

Once we were all smiles and grand hugs. Once we were each other's confidant. The one ear to listen and the one soul who could ease our weight. Once we were inseperable, always there by each other's side.

We shared laughter, faced demons - were there day in and day out. Long days and restless nights, you were always there with a helping hand. We were young children playing war and pretending ragabonds. Cold winds and baking summer days, figuring out problems and challenging the other. We were siblings, a family for the other.

That was years ago. Now I don't have the faintest clue as to where you are. Now, even if we did meet again, can either say that things will be the same again. The two young children who once raced across the school field are nothing but ghosts now.

The ghosts of a shared past. Of the frail promise that seemed indestructable in childhood innoncence. The ghosts of my mind and, of yours as well. The ghosts that haunt me when I allow myself to drown in nostalgia. Memories of long ago, when our futures seemed so bright- when our hopes and dreams were all attainable. I miss those days. Do you?

I know you have it better than me. You always have. You could've had everything, the odds will always be in your favor . You were the kid everyone adored, you were the captain, but you were also the shoulder to lean on. You were once my other half, the one whose smile was so hard to earn. The one whose laughter was even rarer. The one who always had a plan. But then love was thrown into our easy lives.

Love. An emotion that makes some smile and others cry. Love. Something that tore our old friendship apart. Your eyes were then focussed on that young person, with their stunning looks and seemingly charming personalities. I could not see what you saw in that person, I warned you. Your heart was thrown to the wrong person, someone who could not return your affection. I warned you. But you didn't listen.

Now, it's been ten years. Life carries on. The demons still come, but now I must face them alone.  The voices that ring out now taunt me, mocking and cold. Happiness is harder found.  Smiles hide knives, laughter hides pain. The world is blind. The days seem to dwindle away. Time ticks by, we slug by until our clocks run out; yet, nothing gets done. What left is there for me to do? We are no longer children. Our hearts are heavy, our minds blazing with more bad than good. Our adventures are no longer shared. Our phones no longer ring with good news. And our souls are now buried under mountains of lies, guilt and regret.

Yet, I still wonder about you sometimes. I had moved away from that dead-end town, but are you still there? I wonder if you had forgiven me yet, for running away like that; for just disappearing when our problems got worse; for moving on. Yet I can do nothing to for justify them. You knew me well, you knew my story- my family. You knew that running was what I was good at. That's all that I can do- your older sibling is useless. Running away, last you saw me I was doing just that. And until next you see me, I've still got some running left to do.

What about yourself? Do you still remember me? I've changed, just like you. The child with the crooked grin is gone. The quiet child now has voice. The child who had a million questions is now the person who could give a thousand answers. But out of all of this, the child who you had once called friend is still there. Still waiting. Still dancing with ghosts of the past.