Decisions

A million thoughts were running through my head. I had no clue how I’d ended up here. I’d gone from having everything to….well nothing.

I’d never been the most popular girl, I mean I had friends but I was never the centre of attention. I’m the shy one I suppose. I never let anyone know how I’m really feeling. Maybe that’s how I created this mess.

So your probably wondering what this big mess is right?

Well two months ago I got my first boyfriend. Yes lame I know, 17 and I’ve only just got a boyfriend. But like I said I’m not the most popular girl in the world. His name is Jared. He has the most amazing smile, it lights up the room whenever he walks in. His eyes are big and brown and whenever I look into them I just melt. His light brown hair falls just over his eyes and it drives me crazy. Every time I’m with him I act like a right idiot. I guess that’s what teenage love does to you though. So everything was fine. Until my best guy friend decided to tell me he was in love with me.

I’ve known Joel for just over a year now. We met at the beginning of Sixth Form when we were dumped in the same form together. Neither of us knew anyone and we ended up becoming inseparable. Whenever we weren’t together everyone would ask “Hey, Storm where’s Joel?” and it never failed to make me laugh.

Now…I was avoiding him. I sat in form with my earphones in, and whenever he tried to talk to me I’d pretend I couldn’t hear him. If I saw him in the corridor I’d turn the other way or dodge into an empty classroom. Walking home was the worst though. I either had to wait until I was sure he’d left or I’d practically run out of school the minute the bell went. I couldn’t keep this up much longer. Every time I saw his face, his sad, gloomy eyes I felt like giving in. But I had no idea what I wanted.

My best friend Georgia soon picked up on my odd behaviour. She caught me one day at lunch and dragged me outside.

“What the hell is going on with you and Joel?!” she demanded, that’s all it took. I burst into tears whilst trying to explain everything. When I eventually calmed down and got everything out Georgia had no idea what to say.

“Wow” she said letting out a low whistle.

“You’re telling me” I said as I collapsed to the floor hugging my knees. She tried to comfort me, help me figure out what to do but I still had no clue. Did I love Joel? What about Jared?

I was a mess. That was one way to put it.

So that evening I went round to Joel’s.  It was stupid. Extremely stupid. But I had to sort everything out. I walked up the drive slowly and knocked on the door.

Joel’s mum answered it.

“O, hello Storm” she said looking slightly surprised. “Haven’t seen you in ages lovely!”

“Hi, yeah I know, is Joel in?” I just wanted to get this over with.

“Of course he is! Just go upstairs, he’s in his room” I mumbled thanks and removed my shoes. Then I trudged up the stairs. It felt like a mountain. When I finally reached the top I came face to face with Joel’s bedroom door. I strangely felt as if I was at home. I knocked on the door gently and waited.

Within thirty seconds the door was hauled open to reveal Joel standing there in a pair of jeans and his old superman jumper. The one I always used to ‘borrow’ when I was cold.

He looked at me for a minute and then he spoke. “What are you doing here Storm?” he asked whilst sweeping his soft brown hair out of his face. I sighed.

“We need to talk” I said. He turned around and I followed him into the room closing the door behind me. I turned around to find myself face to face with him. Then his lips crushed onto mine. I tried to stop him but I couldn’t. For a second I did nothing. I just stood there. His hands ran up my back and found their way into my hair. I didn’t know what to do….but I found myself kissing him back. My hands fell onto his waist and I pushed myself closer.

What was I doing?

Eventually he pulled away. He grinned at me. And I burst into tears. His grin melted into a look of shock and he pulled me into a hug. “I’m sorry Storm, I shouldn’t have done that” he sighed pulling me closer. My mind was clouded with confusion. His arms around me felt so right but so wrong at the same time. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled away to see who was ringing me.

Jared’s beautiful face filled the screen of my iPhone.

“Oh god….what have I done” I said, fresh tears rolled down my cheek leaving a black trail of mascara. Joel just looked at me. Panic swept over his face. “This is all my fault” he said running his hand through his hair. “Oh god, if only I’d told you sooner” he said before sitting on his bed.

Sooner? “What do you mean?” I asked as my phone stopped ringing. I sat down beside him. He looked up, right into my eyes. I’d never noticed how beautiful his eyes were. The colour of the ocean. “I’ve loved you from day one” he said. Before I could say anything he carried on. “I just didn’t know how to tell you…and then Jared came along and I thought I was gonna lose you so I stupidly said something. I should have kept it to myself. God I’m sorry Storm” his eyes pleaded with mine.

Oh crap.