What happens when you have to ask one of your colleagues to have sex with you to cure their strange ailment?
A.N.: I just wanna post this bro, i dont care no more
Word Count: 1967
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The sun rose and spilled sunlight through the curtains of Sniper's van. Marking the first official day of spring, but poor Sniper had a major pollen allergy. The man woke up groggy and stuffy-nosed. Wasn't such a great way to wake up. He blearily opened his puffy eyes with a groan. With the stiffness of a dead body going through rigor mortis, he pulled himself out of his bed.
Quickly pulling an old stained wife beater over his head and grabbing his hat and aviators, he set out to the base. As he walked through the doors towards the kitchen, he bumped into Spy. Not wanting to deal with the Frenchman's complaints so early in the morning, he pushed past him without uttering a single word. He could just feel Spy's eyes burning into his backside. Probably plotting out yet another way to brutally murder him. If only killing your teammates was allowable.
Once Sniper reached the kitchen, he started his journey looking in the fridge. Engineer was sitting at the table nearby and noticed Sniper's sniffling, and also the rummaging around. From over his sip of coffee, he peers at Sniper. He chuckles and sets down his cup, "You feelin' alright, Down Under?"
At that exact moment, Sniper sneezes. "I'm doin' just fine, Engie.. Don't worry about me." There is slight frustration in his voice and a rasp. He pulls his head out of the fridge and leans against the counter. Seemingly trying to get his allergies under control and failing to do so.
"If you need allergy medicine, you can just ask Doc for some y'know?" Engie goes back to his coffee after providing advice. Sniper simply abandons his original journey and sulks toward the infirmary. As Sniper stomps away, Engineer raises an eyebrow at a newspaper title.
"SPRING TIME POLLEN INCREASES SEX DRIVE THIS YEAR"
He shakes his head and roughly smiles, knowing what's to come.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Sniper sits uncomfortably as he drives back to base. This unannounced hard on he gained is making it impossible for him to camp. He's tried with his hand and magazines multiple times, and he just can't seem to get rid of it. All good that's done for him is made a mess and his hand tired. With one hand on the steering wheel and another on his crotch trying to create friction, he swiftly makes it back to base.
He parks haphazardly and bolts out of the van. Trying to avoid anyone noticing the very noticeable tent in his pants. He makes for the infirmary and bursts through the door, causing Medic to whip his head around to see a very distressed Sniper.
"Vhat has gotten you so riled up?" Medic gestures Sniper to sit on the examination bed. He notices Sniper's awkward waddle and how he uses his hat to cover his crotch. It doesn't take long for Medic to realize what's happening. "Ah, never mind then."
Sniper looks at him, confused and red-faced from embarrassment. "What do you mean, 'never mind then.'? Doc, what the hell is wrong with me?"
Medic rummages around and pulls out a book. "Have you read the news recently, Herr Sniper?"
"Er, no, why?" Medic turns around and flips to a certain page. He shows it to a very confused Sniper. The specific page shows different kinds of pollen from certain flowers during the spring. Medic points to one with the simple name of "Sex Pollen." Sniper raises his eyebrows and grabs the book to read about this pollen. He's in utter disbelief and dismay as it only affects people allergic to pollen and can only be fixed through intercourse with another person. Even then, it's not a sure method.
