Do You See Me?

chapter one: 'do you see me?'

Will and Hannibal collapse into the room, tiered joints worn out from a long evening. Will immediately takes off his blazer, one Hannibal had insisted he wore.
'jesus how do you wear these things every day' he says breathless, struggling to wrestle his way out of the jacket.
'its an acquired taste' Hannibal says taking a step behind will and helping him in his with his struggle with the jacket, he then hangs it on the metal hook on the door, which glistens in the dim light.
'you got me a nice hotel room' will says taking in the room before him. He's right, it's clean put together and has a arched window over looking a lake. It's mood is blue, yet it does not feel lonely or sad, just content.
'would you expect any thing less' Hannibal says smiling slightly. Will laughs a breathy laugh.
'i guess not' he says approaching the window to take in the view, his glasses reflecting the little light outside.
'your sure no one will find us here?' will says turning to Hannibal who is inspecting the room intently.
'i assure you will, it would take a miracle for any one to find us here, even jack and the FBI' he says, a reassuring look in his eyes. Will sighs sitting down on the bed and holding his head in his hands.
'they must think I'm dead, Molly, Walter, Alana, jack, and I'm here in a nice hotel room' he says with an exasperated strangled smile.
'how does that make you feel?' Hannibal says sitting next to him.
'selfish, so selfish but also' he pauses for a second. 'relieved'.
'could you elaborate' Hannibal says staring at wills eyes intently.
Will looks up at Hannibal, a wild look in his eyes.
'do I even need to?' ' you know what I mean'
'will I'm sad to say this is one of the few times I do not know what you mean' he says still holding keeping his gaze on wills eyes.
' I'm relieved because.. because' he takes a moment to put his sentence together 'because putting together a family, and leaving the FBI, saying good bye to you, they where all supposed to be for me, but I've never felt so incomplete.' a lump begins to form in his throat.
'i love Molly, I love Walter, I love my dogs, I love fishing, I love the peace, but' he begins to fidget, unable to put it into words.
'but I know it was all just because I couldn't have other things that made me happy, and knowing that drove me crazy, like if I can't be happy now then what was the point? I just feel so happy to get away from hating my self because I can't be content' 'do you understand?' he says breathless begining to fumble his words.
'I understand will, don't worry' Hannibal says touching wills arm. Something in will knows hearing those simple words from Hannibal is the biggest comfort he's felt in ages, maybe even years. He can't stand it.
He jumps up off of the bed.
'im sorry will' Hannibal says standing up next to him. 'i hope I didn't offend you'
'no it's not that' will says burying his face in his hand.
'then what is it will, tell me'
'i can't deal with how you make me feel right now, Hannibal' will says exasperated. Hannibal pauses for a moment, calculating his next move.
'will could you look at me please' he says again putting his hand on wills arm.
'no' he says standing facing away from Hannibal.
'just for a moment, please' will sighs his mind racing with thoughts, and he begrudgingly turns around, looking Hannibal in the eye. Will had seen hannibals eyes before but never while he was looking so intently back at him. It is an emotionally stripping experience, he feels almost naked in his gaze, exposed.
'do you see me will' 'do you really see me' Hannibal says, his hand still comfortably on wills arm. This question is more important to Hannibal than will could ever know.
Will pauses for a moment, taking in the man in front of him, such a complex character that is squished down and minimised into the skin suit Infront of him.
'i think I do' will says struggling to maintain the eye contact between them, wills own eyes flickering almost. Hannibal brings his free hand up to wills nape, threading his finger in-between his brown strands. Hannibals hands feel soft despite the monstrous acts they had committed.
'do you see me?' will asks, feeling obligated to reciprocate to question.
'yes will' Hannibal says simply, a smile brewing on his lips. Will brings one of his rough hands up to hannibals chest, it feels strangly intimate hearing the sound of the friction between wills hand and the fabric of hannibals suit, it also feels strangely intimate touching the object of so many fantasies, the amount of times will had fantisised about killing the man before him with his bare hands, seeing the life fade from him, it had made Hannibal like a feeling rather than a physical thing you could just reach out and touch.
Through out each of their thought processes they maintained eye contact, to will it felt like a gift, being able to peak behind the curtain and see how Hannibal, the man who made will feel things he couldn't even process, thinks.
Will takes a deep breathe, and steps forward eliminating the little space between him and Hannibal, he's hesitant, barely knowing let alone understanding why he's compelled to be closer to Hannibal. Hannibal reciprocates this, moving them even closer, so that their foreheads are against each others.
'i uh' will begins, almost trying to justify him self.
'shh don't talk' Hannibal almost whispers, he's enjoying this moment. And then wordlessly Hannibal moves forward pressing his lips against wills.
Will reciprocates, but his instinct is to be rough, he grasps onto hannibals blazer and kisses Hannibal back violently, Hannibal pulls back for a moment a laugh brewing in his chest.
'relax' he almost orders.
He moves forward again and the two once again lock lips. Hannibal takes the lead with a firm grasp on will's nape and arm. Will kisses back, not nearly as confidently as Hannibal but he too moves his hand up to hannibals neck and the other under his jacket resting comfortably on his waist. The two continue to kiss, trying to get as physically close together as possible legs tangling together and chests touching, they become more aggressive, fighting for control, will trying to elevate him self to hannibals height and aggression. He pushes his full weight against him, but Hannibal pushes back making will stumble onto the bed the creaking as wills weight hits the bed strangely erotic to will, he looks up at Hannibal, breathless and slightly dazed, he looks hungry, and lets out a small chuckle looking down at his prey. Before will can say any thing Hannibal leans down and kisses will once again, putting his hand in the familiar spot on his nape angling wills head to face more up to him. With his spair hand he loosens his tie. Will places both hands on hannibals neck pulling him down to his level so that one of his knees rests beside will on the bed while the other remains the same. Hannibal breaks away from the kiss. Panting and flushed. His chest heaving. He lowers him self to be on his knees Infront of will and he looks up at him reversing the previous power dynamic. Will reaches to unbuckle his belt but handle stops his hand.
'not here''not while we are hiding, it has to be in a place that feels like home' he says before pressing another quick kiss to wills lips, will is confused. Hannibal is the one who so surely wants him but he doesn't want to sleep with him?. Wills eyes are defiant, but longing. Hes not sure what he makes of his newfound understanding of his desire for Hannibal, it's uncomfortable and he has the urge to forget this, to bury his feelings and run back to the comfort of denial. But part of him knows,
this is no longer an option.