Thoughts Of You

Fuzzy Feeling

Parker POV

I sit on my bed, holding my knees to my chest. I've realised now that I shouldn't even bother trying to sleep, because I just can't. It's like, physically impossible for me. I can't sleep because of Chester. He hasn't done anything wrong, ofcourse, but I just can't get him out of my head. It's weird, becuase when you think about someone you like, it makes you happy, right? Well, not for me. It's like the thought of him makes me depressed, I literally can't do anything. It's like he's fucked up my brain somehow. It's at the point where Chester has to take care of me, which makes me even more crazy, since he's around me more. He makes me feel weird. Like, whenever he touches me, I feel fuzzy. You know? Kind of like pins and needles, but softer, and its everywhere on your body. Sometimes he makes me dizzy. I don't think that's normal.

My 6am alarm goes off, and I realise that I've been staring at the same painting on my wall for hours. I tightened my fist, and bashed the alarm as hard as I could, not taking my eyes off that painting. It was a painting of a city with loads of buildings and people walking around with umbrellas. I felt like the only time i had closed my eyes in this past few weeks was to blink, and that's because it was probably true.

After about an hour, I decided to do something. And that was, going on my phone. There was thousands of notifications, people commenting on photos and tagging me in things. I only stared at the screen for a few seconds before I turned it off. I tipped my head back, now staring at the ceiling. I don't know what to do. I don't even know whether I should do anything. Chester is driving me insane, but kind of in a good way. But not really a good way because I can barely even do anything. But also kind of in a good way because I don't mind it, you know? I hope somebody understands me.

A few more hours passed, and I was now listening to music. I enjoyed Current Joys, Acid Ghost, Dandelion Hands, Late Night Drive Home, Duster, and stuff like that. I was still thinking about Chester, though. I always was. Even if I was thinking about something else, I would be thinking about him, too. I then heard a gentle knock on my door, not loud, but loud enough so I could hear.
"Come in," I said, feeling scared, but also excited to see him.
I saw Chester open the door, peeking in before coming in completely. He's so cute.
"How much sleep did you get?" He said, now walking over to my bed.
"I- uh- uhm," I stuttered, trying to decide whether I should tell him the truth or lie.
"Parker, be honest. I won't be mad at you," he said, now sat next to me on the bed, lightly grabbing onto my hand.
I'm honestly thought I was going to explode, and all of my blood and guts would be splattered around the room.
"None," I said, disappointed in myself.
Missing sleep for Chester was 100% worth it, though.
"Parker..." he whispered, not sounding angry at all, but upset.
"I'm sorry," I said.
"You need a break from editing, it's draining you," he said, petting my hand with his thumb.
I looked at him in a panic, because what was I supposed to tell him now? I couldn't just tell him that I was up all night thinking about him!
"But I need to finish the video," I said, knowing I hadn't even started editing it.
"Please, Parker. Take a break," he begged, laying his head on my shoulder.
I went dizzy, the whole room was spinning, and I felt fuzzy.
"I will make you sleep in my room if I have to," he insisted.
My jaw mentally dropped to the core of the earth. We usually do sleep with eachother when we do videos, but THIS? This was different, the sheets and pillows would smell like him. Everything would smell like him. I would pass out. Like, actually.

I was dragged downstairs by Chester, and I had my forehead to the glass table.
"Please, eat something!" Chester begged.
"Noooo I'm not hungryyyy," I fake sobbed.
I was surprised how he never got frustrated with me, he was always so calm.
"Look at me, Parker," he said.
I turned my head and looked at him, not lifting my head off the table. I watched as he lowered his head and placed it next to mine, out noses nearly touching. He placed a hand on my cheek, petting it gently.
"Please," he said once again, looking at me with puppy eyes.
Yep, there it is again, the fuzzy feeling. The room wasn't spinning this time, it was just the fuzziness. But it was kind of painful this time. Even though I felt pain, I didn't want to leave this moment. His face resting next to mine. It would all be perfect, it it wasn't for the fucking pain.

After a while, I finally finished my food.
"I'm so proud of you! This is the first full meal you've finished in like, ages!" He said, throwing his arms around me.
I liked the praise, but I felt bad. I could eat a full meal, I knew I could. But my body just wasn't letting me. I don't know why.
"Thanks, but you don't have to take care of me," I said.
"I want to take care of you. I want to make sure you're keeping yourself healthy," he said.
I felt really bad now. I felt like he was pushing away his life for me.
"I feel like you're pushing away everything for me, I don't want you to waste your time," I frowned.
"I'm not wasting my time, I don't have anything important to do. The only thing I like doing is being with you," he insisted.
I leaned against him, still feeling awful.
"Thanks, Ches," I said.
I'm so lucky to have him.