Anastasia Nicholaievna Romanov

July 15, 1918

Alexei's sobbing is what wakes me.

​I hear his soft crying and the even softer words of Mama as she tries to comfort him.

​I feel tears stinging my eyes and even though I am alone except for my sister Maria, who is asleep, I fight them back. I have to be strong for mama and papa, I think to myself.

​I turn over on my side so I am facing the wall. The hard camp cot underneath me is comforting; it reminds me of being back home in the palace.

​Papa had insisted that none of his children would be spoiled; we would be hard working and disciplined. So we slept on camp cots with no pillows, we made our own beds and we had cold showers in the morning.

​Even Alexei who is sick with haemophilia was expected to follow this regimen. My poor little brother, he is so weak and even though he is the youngest child in the family, he is the only boy and so the heir to the throne of Russia.

​"Shvibzik, are you awake?" Maria asks.

​I lift my head and see that Maria has her arms propped up on her arms and is looking at me with sad eyes. "Did he wake you?" I ask.

​Maria shook her head. "I didn't sleep," she replies.

​I sit up and wrap my blanket more tightly around me. "Maria, do you think they will kill us?"

​Maria's eyes harden with fear but after a moment the fear gives way to sadness. "Honestly Ana, I don't know... Mama and Papa seem to think that is our fate but if they were going to kill us wouldn't they have done it already?"

​I open my mouth to reply but at that moment, my oldest sisters Tatiana and Olga appear in the doorway.

​"Hush," Olga whispers. "Don't let Mama or Papa hear you talking about such things."

​Maria and I nod.

​Tatiana sits down on my cot and wraps her arms around me. "Don't worry," she reassures me. "Everything is going to be fine."

​I lean my head on my sister's shoulder, grateful for her warmth. I know Tatiana doesn't believe what she says; she's just trying to comfort me.

​"Anastasia, Maria are you awake?" Mama's voice comes in from the hall.

​"Yes Mama," I reply.

​After a moment Mama appears in the doorway. "Oh there you are," she says to Tatiana and Olga. "I went to wake you, but you weren't there. Do you girls want to go for a walk out in the garden?"

​"That sounds like an excellent idea," Olga replies.

​"It will be good for Alexei to get some fresh air," Mama comments and a look of concern crosses her face. "He's so weak," she whispers and a tear falls down her cheek.

​Olga takes a step toward Mama but at that moment, Papa materializes in the doorway behind Mama.

​Papa wraps his arm around Mama's waist and smiles sadly at his daughters. "I know being here is hard but we would do well to remember that our lives are in the hands of these Bolsheviks," his voice is soft and sympathetic as he murmurs these words.

​"Papa, we're never going back to St. Petersburg are we?" Tatiana's asks, her voice shaking.

​"God willing we may one day, my daughter," Papa whispers.

​Mama takes a deep breath. "Why are we discussing such gloomy topics? The sun is shining, there's no use in wasting such a beautiful day."

​Tatiana and Olga go to their room to change into their day dresses, Mama and Papa go to Alexei's room to care for him while Maria and I change out of our nightgowns.