Fantom Touch

Chapter 8

We didn't talk about that night for the next month. It was a magical night of firsts and I keep it close to my chest, but, sadly, I think I'm the only one. Joss has actually been avoiding me since then... she's always in a hurry and always has an excuse at hand. It depresses me a bit... I understand it, tho. I'm the only crazy sexually detached person here. I could fuck the world and I wouldn't get awkward. Maybe it is because all of the ghost's I've fucked since I was fifteen. I might have the most sexual experience between the four of us, even if so simple and uneventful. On the flesh and blood world, I... I do not have that much experience. I never had time for boyfriends and my dates are scarce, I mean, my sleep and work schedule is crazy for starters. I've always feared to accept this, but... I've never loved nor been loved by a significant other.
I'm less sore these days. My small rolls are still there, but I do feel stronger and more energetic. My stamina is the biggest change up until now. Stairs don't intimidate me anymore. Hah! Take that, stairs! Even my lung capacity grew and that's amazing for a gig-less singer. I miss singing and being heard. The thought of going to The Mo have gone through my mind more than once, but I'm afraid to bump into certain asshole there. Money is gone, by the way. I fucking need Wonderland to reopen soon.
"Cass?" I hear a knock in my door. It's Joel.
"Come in." I keep working on my resume on the bed with my laptop on my, well, lap. I hate every version I make even more than the last one. Who would hire someone like me? For real.
"Hi, uhm, you didn't read it, right?" He sits by my side.
"Read what?"
"The email?"
"Dude, you know me. If it was sent to 'casssucksatlife@nobodycares.com', I didn't read it."
"Yeah, I know. That explains why you are still updating your resume..."
"What do you mean?" I look at him.
"It's over. We are going back to work." He almost looks happy.
"Wonderland?!" I close my laptop. "Is the renovation really over?"
"Yep." He nods.
"Fuck yeah!" I jump with my ass. Work is on!
"You still need to read your mail." He pats my shoulder. "My paycheck is considerably higher and I have a new title, head mixologist, can you believe it?" He smiles a bit. "Mixologist..."
"Great... maybe I'm the new janitor." I scoff.
"Just read it, maybe you are with me again."
"Ok, ok..." I take my phone and enter the mail app, the one with the eternal red dot over it. "Let's see... spam, spam, IRS, fuck no, scam, my bank, oh, here it is!" I read carefully.
Nothing impressive at first. Greetings from the new administration: BON, Co., then they apologize for the renovation time, blah-blah-blah, they want to make the work environment great, yadda-yadda-yadda... huh? Am I a what?
"Are you ok, Cass?" Joel peeks over my face. "You look scared."
"I'm... on entertainment..."
"Are you a DJ or something?"
"I'm the musical entertainment coordinator for the live music area of Wonderland..." I gulp. "K-Kenny listened to me at last!"
"And your paycheck?"
"Who cares!" I lay down and kick the air in excitement.
"I'm glad you are happy." He pets my hair. He has done that lately. I like it.
The day of the reopening is this Friday, that means three days from now, so we have to go today get the talk, the tour and to learn the new ropes. Musical entertainment coordinator. That's amazing to even say. If it has to do with what I talked with Kenny, I'll be the one getting the talent for the musical shows, planning the themes and choosing the songs. Live music area... what is that? A weird name for the stage, I think.
That afternoon, Joel and I get out of the house and take the train to Gwere. He looks like a kid on a school trip. He's even tapping his knees while sitting in the train. We get there and, wow... it was a total renovation. We stand in front of the dump we used to work in and we can't even mouth a word. It's beautiful. The sign shines with hundreds of little lightbulbs like it was 1940's. The front has huge posters of fake shows coming never, like Frank Sinatra live, Gloria Gaynor and others. The marquee looks new but, still, old. It only has 'Great Reopening this Friday' on it, but still looks imposing. There are a bunch of neon Wonderland characters around and the front it's even painted in a lot of colors, desaturated, but still a lot.
We get to the back and we wait with other twenty people in the alley. We aren't four anymore. That's exciting. After a while, a blonde middle-aged woman guides us inside the building. We pass the new kitchen, it's big for the limited menu a club has, then the office area and we are then guided to the new locker rooms, yeah, rooms. There are two of them now with their own shower area. Why would someone get a shower at work? I don't care. It's good.
Before getting to the club area, the woman gives us the talk. They are our friends, our success is their success, blah-blah-blah. The usual. Now we get into the club... oh, the club. Neon, fluorescence, bright purples, blues and pinks everywhere and... doesn't it feel kinda smaller? Before there was a half floor visible from here but now I see nothing. Whatever, the bar, tho. Every shelf, drawer and piece of furniture is crooked in a fun way. Bottles have 'drink me' tags on them and there's a huge neon smile with whiskers on the ceiling. This is cool as fuck.
"Ok, the live music area workers, please follow Bran," the woman, Karina, gestures at a short Arabic-looking guy dressed in a fancy suit.
I just wave Joel goodbye and six of us follow the guy. We get to a wide staircase with neon signs pointing up letting people know about the live music lounge. It's a dream. As soon as I step in the lounge, my breath just goes away. The area is half of the club downstairs, but it looks even bigger because of the warm lighting, the short tables surrounded by Moroccan cushions, the tall posters on the walls with music legends on them, the small tall tables area in the back and the bunch of hookahs everywhere. There's a six feet tall silhouette of a smoking caterpillar in the ceiling with a projected face that changes with the music and it blows some smoke from time to time.
That is not the best part... The stage, oh, the stage. A wide semicircular platform framed with warm lightbulbs and it's pinned to the widest wall. All the reflectors look vintage but send nice and stable light to the center where a fifties mic stand stands tall. I can see myself dressed in beaded dresses and tight curls on my hair singing 'Harlem on my mind' to a crowd of happy people. This is heaven, this is love. I don't know this BON, Co. but they did all the right things here.
Bran gives us the talk about the lounge. How it is totally sound isolated from the club area, so their chaos will never get in here. Ohhh! That's why there are two automated doors at the end of the stairs. We will have live music most of the days here, sometimes open mics, band wars, guest speakers, TED talks, etcetera. There is no bar here, so every drink and food will be ordered from the tables and prepared in a kitchen in the back. Bran is specially excited about all the 'instagrameable' spots on the walls and how social media will keep this place packed. I wouldn't know about that, but I want to believe him.
When the tour ends, a bunch of staff separates the group to train us for our assignments. I'm singled our to the stage by Bran.
"So, miss Cassandra," he smiles, "do you have an idea about your position?"
"I... I will choose the singers and stuff for the lounge?"
"In a way." He chuckles and then he tells me.
I am the one and only person to select, coordinate and get the music acts for this stage. I will have the full support of the company to scout and select bands and singers for the lounge and to plan any event I want here. I will have an assistant for clerical work, so I'll just have to plan and travel around getting people to play here. At the end of the talk, he says the most beautiful words I've heard in years.
"You can schedule yourself to sing here too." Bran smiles. "I've been told you are a singer yourself, so feel free to just jump in if there's an opening or you just feel like it."
"You are not joking... right?"
"Oh, I wouldn't dare... boss." He chuckles.
"Boss? Wait! Are you...?"
"Your assistant? Yes." He nods. "So please take your time to think about the opening show and I'll help you make it happen." He takes his yellow legal notepad and hovers a pen over it.
"I want to sing..." I mumble.
"Great! Do you have a theme and a list of songs already?"
"Wait. Can I really inaugurate this place like that?"
"Sure."
"Ok... then write this down."
I talk for an hour about the opening show. The theme, the songs, the instruments I want, the costumes, everything I've had in this head of mine since I was a little girl. I can see it, I can feel it, I can taste it. I've thought about this so much, there's no detail I can forget. When I stop talking, Bran leads me to the backstage. It's a lot like that man's showroom, but smaller. There's one shared dressing room with a makeup area, changing cubicles, empty racks and programable lockers for the artists. There is a 'stand by' area with benches, enough space for instruments and a wide service elevator an elephant could use to get up here. Also there's my office, one I won't use, honestly. I think is more for Bran. He will be the one doing the heavy lifting around here. I can do my stuff wherever.
Until two in the morning Bran and I plan for the opening event and outline a good rotation for the stage for at least a month. We throw some ideas out there for costume partnerships, resident makeup artists, I immediately think of Manny, obviously, music schools to have some kind of sponsoring in exchange of doing student's shows here in the afternoon. That last one was Bran's idea. The thought of making money for the club outside work hours didn't cross my mind at all. That man is a diamond. Let's hope I'm up to the task, because of something fails, it's not gonna be on Bran...
Now we, Joel and I, get back home with hearts full of hope and feet a bit sore, I'm already unaccustomed to this job.
"Did you have a good night?" I ask with my head against the train's window. I'm pooped.
"Yep."
"Same job or something new?"
"Fifty two cocktails..." He sighs. "I don't know if I'll be able to learn the twenty I don't know, all the new booze brands we have now and the health procedures for prepping by Friday..."
"You will." I take his hand and pat it. "You are a smart kid and I'm proud of you."
"Thank you, but I'm not a kid, you know?" He frowns a bit.
"I know. I just find you adorable, so it brings my mother instinct out." I chuckle.
"Ok..." He purses his cupid's bow-less lips. "Can I pet your hair? We are in public, but I'd like to do it anyways."
"Oh, so assertive!" I like this guy. "Sure, pet away, man!" I lean on his shoulder and he brushes my hair with his fingers. Fair to say I don't make it awake to the station.
It's so calming to be around Joel and he's... pampery. Sometimes I want me some pampers, you know? I would't date him, well, I don't think I would, but I wouldn't mind having him in my life. Not in the background, no, also not just to make me feel good about myself. I want him to be my friend and I want to help him whenever he needs me like he does with me. I want to be his equal, yes, that's it. I think I'm getting more from this friendship than he is. So, let's do something nice for him when the opportunity presents.
He wakes me up when we are in Nogwere and then we walk home. Half an hour I can handle better now with my new stamina. I always notice him looking at the one and only baseball field in this town when we pass it. Oh, I have a good idea! I'll prepare for it these days. Maybe I can pull it off before the reopening. God knows we'll be pooped when we get back to work full time.
Joel goes to his room and, even if I'd love to go to mine, I want some company... I want my friend back. I don't even knock at her door, I just barge in. I know she would have had an excuse if I knocked. She's there fooling around the internet with a bored face on her ugly and ragged nightgown. She has her horned headphones, so she doesn't hear me.
"Cass?!" Joss flinches when I pat her shoulder. She takes her headphones off.
"Hey, girl." I smile.
"Uhm..." She plays with her thumbs. "I-I was about to go to sleep... so..."
"You want me to go, huh?"
"It's not that I..."
"Yes you do." I sit on her bed. "Just tell me something, ok?"
"W-what?"
"Are we still friends...?"
"Of course we are!"
"Are we, tho?" I hang my head. "I... I promise I won't touch you that way again. I just... I just let myself go crazy... You know how I get with bets and stuff." I hide my face in my palms. Don't cry, don't cry...
"Hey, come on..." She sits beside me. "It's not that... well, it is that, but it ain't your fault. You saw what I did, right? I w-was really into it too."
"Then what is it?" My face stays in my hands. "I need you, Joss... I got amazing news and, the first person I wanted to share them with, doesn't even look at me..."
"It's..." She frees my face and makes me look at her. "I don't know... I love you and always will, but... but now I get nervous when I see you, Cass. We h-had sex. Actual sex! The lesbian equivalent of going all out... I think. I want to be with you and support you, but now I also want other stuff and-and-and I don't know how to feel about it. It's fucking complicated!"
"But... you still want to be my friend?"
"Of course I do! I just don't know how to act! I'm a double entendre kind of bitch and I don't know if a joke will end with us scissoring. You know I-I'm not able to moderate my mouth..."
"Just be you, ok?" I hug her head. "Say what you want to say and do what you want to do. We won't ever stop being friends. There's nothing you can do to push me away, stupid." I kiss her forehead.
"Don't kiss me, idiot..." She frowns. "You'll get me wet and you'll have to take responsibility" She chuckles.
"That's more like it!" Thank God you are back. "So..." I press my lips. "Can I sleep here?"
"Only if you are the little spoon. I'd like to get a feel of that new and strong body of yours." She raises and lowers her eyebrows.
"Ok, but if you cross the line, you'll have to make me breakfast."
"Sure. So, what good news were you talking about?"
"Oh! Well..."
We talk for hours like we hadn't in a while. It is refreshing. I'll keep my hands to myself from now on. I don't want to push the most important person in my life away just for a lay. When we stop talking, I do become the little spoon and let her play with my still existent rolls before falling asleep.
Early afternoon comes and, with it, training with sergeant Max. We are in the middle of the graveyard for this one. I'm wearing my comfy sport leggings and a hoodie because it's a bit chilly today. Max has his trainer face... a mix between 'fuck you' and 'you are a disappointment'. We normally fight a lot in a playful way, but here, I don't even raise my voice. I don't want to be yelled at.
"What are we doing today, coach?" I ask fired up.
"Find hidden charms." He smiles devilishly. "You are a bit less of a potato now, so we need to mix some spiritual training in between the physical one or you'll become a fit moron."
"Hey! I'm no potato!" Yeah... I lied before. I won't ever stay quiet even if it kills me.
"Shut it!"
"Yes, coach..." I frown.
"This exercise was my master's favorite. She loved to see me lose faith in humanity... that demon." He chuckles even if his words are dark.
"She?" That's new information.
"Y-yeah. Don't think to much about it." He brushes it off. "So, the exercise..."
It is indeed a thing of nightmares this exercise. Around the graveyard he hid five training charms giving them a ten feet diameter of action. I have to look for them by sensing them, a skill I didn't train much when I was little, so it'll be hard for me. But that's not the hard part. Training charms are imbued with clover ghost's essence, so they posses the closest object to fight the trainee. We are in a graveyard, so... yeah. I have nothing on me but my pearl, my rope and my voice. Let's see if I don't die here... I sigh. Oh, I forgot. I have thirty minutes to find them all or I'll do burpees until I puke.
I jog around the place trying to channel my spiritual senses to find those things. I should feel a numbness in my skin when getting close to one of them, but, after five minutes, I'm starting to thing I won't find even one charm... Ok, Cassandra. This is not about running randomly around here. Think. Think. It's Max we are talking about here. Where would he hide the charms? Evenly spread? No. He's a sadistic asshole. They should be all close to each other and... yeah, the furthest away they can be so I waste my time mapping the center of the graveyard. Close to the house? Nah. The opposite side? Nah. It has to be far but not in an obvious way. Not the entrances, not the places that stand out like the willow tree near the north wall or the big crypt near the south. That only leaves... aha!
I change my course to the northwest corner. There's not much there but some tombs not many people visit anymore because they are very old, but not so old they are interesting, more like tombs from 1940's of people with children already too old to come here. It's a boring place and it's far from the entrance and the house, so it's perfect. Also, if the graves were to be ruined there, no one would care that much. I'm onto you, Max. I can see him watching me from our roof. I wish I could see his face now. Is he surprised?
Good, I'm here! I'm here... uhm... I don't feel shit. What the fuck? B-but, my reasoning was perfect! That man-thong asshole! Fuck, fuck, fuck! I have fifteen minutes left and I have no idea where to look, so I run around like a headless chicken looking for those charms. I run and I run and I run some more... The time ends and I couldn't even feel them from afar. I'm useless...
I get to the entrance and see Max clapping slowly at me.
"Let's see... your senses were useless so you tried to use your head, right?" He chuckles. "Looks like you hate yourself, pumpkin."
"Shut up!" I fold my sweaty arms. "Wait. Why hate myself?"
"Uh... Well, you will do burpees until your hands bleed, so, yeah... that."
"Aw, man!" I groan. "Fucking hate burpees..."
"Everyone does."
"Was I really that off going to that corner?"
"Burpees first, talk later." He clicks something in his watch and looks at me. "I'll go get some tea and, when I'm back, I want to see you, either, dead or stronger."
"Yes coach..."
The fucktard go and I get to the damn burpees. I hate to feel everything jiggle in my body, honestly... Half an hour later, Max comes back to see me starfishing on the grass. My arms gave up ten minutes ago and my legs two ago, so I'm out. How the fuck am I working at the club today?
"Should I call the undertaker?" He peeks over my face.
I nod pouting.
"Ok, get up. You need to keep moving to loosen your muscles, come on." He stretches his hand out for me.
"I have no muscles left at all..." I groan.
"Bollocks. Get up or I'll double the burpees tomorrow."
"You are the devil..."
I conjure all my willpower to just stand up and stumble all the way to the house. I take a bath, I change into my work attire and flop on the couch in the living room to wait. We have to leave in an hour and I sure hope to be able to move by then. I can't even stretch to take the remote and there's an awful cooking show on the screen I can't stand. God, just kill me now...
"Hey, pumpkin." Max raises my legs and sits under them. "Feeling alright?"
"Fuck you..."
"Aw, come on. You only have yourself to blame." He starts massaging my legs. Oh yes... it feels good.
"I thought..."
"Exactly." He cuts me off. "You thought and that's your problem. Exorcising is a mental, physical and spiritual discipline. Thinking is great, but you need the skills to back it off. Remember, if our senses work as a team, our body, soul and mind should too."
"Funny. Mom used to tell me something like that when I was a kid." I frown. "Was I that off, really?"
"Yeah, but only because I knew you'd go there. I know how you think, so I used it in my favor."
"So it was that! Ok, I don't feel so bad anymore."
"You should. You literally stepped on one of the charms and didn't feel it."
"What?!"
"Yeah. I think I need to give you this now," Max takes off his bracelet. It's nothing but a braided string. It looks old. "My master gave it to me, so take care of it, ok? I don't want your clumsy mitts losing it or breaking it."
"Hey! I'm not..." I frown. "Ok... I'll take care, but why you give it to me?"
"It has a small curse that emanates a faint spiritual pulse at random." He looks at the bracelet and smiles wholeheartedly. It's rare to see him smile like that. I don't hate it. "She made it specially for me because, in her own words, I was a lost cause... just like you are now, pumpkin."
"I-I don't think I can take something this important, man..."
"You can't even accept a gift like a normal person..." He sighs. "Just take it, ok? Somehow, I feel it was meant to end up in your hands, anyways."
"Ok..." As soon as I take it, I feel something familiar about it. It's more than that. I feel something attached to it, something that can't be seen or touched and makes me feel nostalgic. What is it?
"You are getting there, pumpkin." He pats my leg. "You are in way better shape than me when my master took me in." He looks away into the distance. "I don't know why you think so little of yourself but, believe me, I know how great you can be. Teach that pessimistic Cassandra a lesson and be better than her."
"Why can't you be always this nice?" I scoff. "I tell you, you'd be a bit more bearable if you were." I mock him.
"Oh, really? Is this nice enough for you?" He holds my ankles and folds my legs and stretches them out repeatedly.
"Ouch-ouch-ouch! Stoooop, it hurts!"
"Good."
"Honest, bozo," I say when he stops and I can breathe again. "I enjoy our quarrels, but... I think you really have a problem with me."
"I don't, not exactly..." He plays with my toes.
"I beg to differ."
"Ok, want to know?"
"That's why I asked..." I roll my eyes.
"You remind me of someone even if you are the polar opposite. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to her, but that... that won't happen again so It kinda hurts..."
"She's not around anymore?" So everyone has a story, huh?
He shakes his head.
"You miss her?"
"Every damn second... I'm lost without her."
"Is there... hum..." I press my lips, "something you'd like to hear from her? Maybe I could say it."
"Nothing worth coming from your mouth, pumpking. No offense."
"None taken. Still tell me if you change your mind."
"Thank's pumpkin. Just for that, you can rest from our training tomorrow."
"Tomorrow is rest day, bozo!"
"Got me there." He laughs.
Work today focuses in executing our planning from yesterday. We aren't even in Wonderland tonight. We have been talking to theatre collectives, small fashion studios and alike to get a good costume deal. After we get ahold of one upcoming fashion designer, we contact Manny. He's happy to work here, at least for tomorrow. We got the band already and they'll come here early tomorrow to rehearse. It's all coming together. I'm loving this new job. I hope I stay here forever.
Joel and I get home separately tonight. He got out like two hours or so before me, so I texted him to go. I have expenses covered for this job, so I get a cab to get back home. I feel so powerful. The business woman riding a cab paid by the company. I could get used to it. But... somehow I also feel imposter syndrome bubbling inside of me. I'm 22 and I haven't done anything in my life worth getting this kind of position. Something is bugging me. I honestly don't think I deserve this job. Maybe, after a few years of working the bar, I could totally see a raise and a change to help with the lounge. From there, maybe make myself indispensable enough to get his job. I don't know... I just feel this is too good to be true.
I get home excited and bummed at the same time. What an odd combination. The house is quiet. Too quiet. Maybe Max is out hunting. It's weird to not hear his punches and kicks in the basement at this hour. For a second I feel I'm back a few months. This quiet and dark house where not even changing temperatures creaked the floors at night. I'm done for today, so, beautiful new bed of mine, come to momma. I open my room's door and I see a unusual bump in the bed.
"H-hi?" No answer. Fuck... I turn on the light and I see that pixy hair popping out of the covers. "Oh, it's you..." I breathe deeply. I put on my pajamas and get in bed behind Joss. I hug her. She's so soft.
"Cass...?" She mumbles.
"Yes, sweetie. What are you doing here?"
"I... I slept like a baby on Oxy yesterday." She holds my hands over her chest. "You mind?"
"Not at all. You can sleep here everyday if you want." I kiss her head.
"Thank you... uhm, can... can you pet my tummy?"
"Always." I rub her soft stomach.
"I love you, bitch." She cuddles happily.
"Love you too, idiot."
Early afternoon comes and, with it, the warmth of waking up besides someone. Joss is such an angel when she's sleeping. She doesn't move, she doesn't make noises, she just stays there breathing softly and looking cute. We stopped spooning at some point because I'm a chaotic sleeper, but she's still showing me her back as if she didn't even realized about any of my night moves... I giggle. Night moves. Great song. Talking about songs... I kneel behind Joss and get near her ear.
"Stars shining right above you..." I sing to her in whispers. "Night breezes seem to whisper 'I love you'... Birds singin' in the sycamore trees... dream a little dream of me..."
She curls a bit more and smiles. I know she's already awake, but I want to honor her bad acting, so I don't stop singing while petting her hair. When I'm done she turns around and opens her pretty green eyes.
"It's been ages since you did that" She takes my hand. "What's the occasion?"
"Nothing. I'm just glad to have you here with me."
"Until the end of times, bitch."
"No, no, I mean here in my house."
"Oh, that." She chuckles awkwardly. "It's actually kind of cool here... now that the internet is decent, that is." She stretches and yawn. "The guys are fun, the place is big and, well, you are here."
"Isn't missus Tanaka mad?"
"Yeah, but she's always mad. She doesn't miss me, tho. I bet she likes the quiet nights and letting her vocal chords rest by not yelling at me."
"Have you visited her?"
"Y-yeah...?"
"Joss..."
"She will get bonkers mad and tell me to stop being a whore like always. What's the use of that?"
"Well, she's not wrong." I laugh.
"Hey!"
"Oh, sorry! That came out wrong. I just meant to say that you are a dirty whore."
"Shut up!" She flicks my nose. "Well... I am, but she doesn't have to tell me that." She chuckles. "Oh, talking about hoeing. I... uhm..."
"Come on. Out with it."
"I fucked Max..." She purses her lips. "You are ok with that, right?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't I?"
"I don't know. You two have chemistry, I think."
"We surely don't. Whatever, it doesn't matter. Fuck away, my whore friend."
"Hey!"
"And..." I look away. "How was it?"
"Rough... He's a beast, girl. Don't get me wrong, I loved it, but, man, my pussy can take just so much, you know?"
"Ooohhh! Ok, ok, do tell and, please, details."
"Well... it was raining and..."