(n). the joyful, intense anticipation that comes from
imagining future pleasures.
☆. where you, the reader, enjoys pretty little fantasies about
your fictional "lovers"
iconiicunt™...
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he casually ignites his cigarette, the flame casting a fleeting glow on his features as he remains indifferent to your presence. leaning back on the porch of his apartment, aki exhales a plume of smoke, fixating his gaze on the clouds lazily drifting across the sky. besides him, you sit, draped in his shirt, a garment he seems content to let you keep─ a momento that, in his mind, is far better off with you than as a reminder of a connection that is inevitably reaching its conclusion.
"we should just end this," he states, his words hanging in the air with a sense of resignation. the atmosphere is thick with the unspoken acknowledgement of the impermanence that defines his relationships. it's a truth he cant escape, especially given the nature of his work. to him, being in a relationship is akin to embracing a fleeting moment, a temporary respite from the harsh reality of his existence. it's like dating a living ghost, a man haunted by the shadows of his own profession.
the admission is not a surprise; rather, it's a long-anticipated recognition of the transitory nature of your connection. aki, in his pursuit of normalcy, has clung to you for as long as he could, seeking refuge from the chaos that defines his life. yet, as the smoke swirls around him, he articulates what both of you have likely sense for a while─ there's no reason to delay the inevitable, no point in prolonging a relationship destined to fade away. in his world, here permanence is a rare luxury, he suggests embracing the reality that any attachment is fleeting, and the only constant is change.
you could sense the gravity in his words, a seriousness that resonated deeply within her. aki, known for his candidness, wouldn't utter such statements without a purpose. as he spoke, a tidal wave of emotions crashed over you, the weight of his words feeling akin to a metaphorical building placed squarely on her shoulders. it was a moment where silence held more significance than words, and you chose not to speak, allowing yourself to be enveloped by the intensity of the situation. in that stillness, the weight of the unspoken hung in the air, creating a palpable atmosphere that spoke volumes.
"i didn't want to end this," he finally says, breaking the heavy silence that hung between them, still avoiding direct eye contact. "i didn't want to hurt you," he adds, a weight of remorse evident in his voice. "it has to end at some point," he continues after a contemplative pause, his words carrying the resignation of someone who's reluctantly accepting a harsh truth. "this isn't how I wanted it to go, but it's not like I planned any of this." the complexity of emotions lingers, as the inevitability of parting ways becomes a bitter pill for both to swallow.
you expressed your frustration by audibly sucking your teeth, a clear manifestation of your evident frustration. "no, you didn't hurt me," you asserted, dismissing any notion of mental harm. "don't ever say that you've hurt me, because you didn't. it's just disappointing to realize that I spent nearly eight months with someone who was only with me for their own selfish needs," you continued, your disappointment palpable. as he attempted to speak, you responded by walking back into the apartment, your own visible distress reflecting the emotional tension in the air.
