Thirty minutes feels like an eternity when your little.
Only thirty minutes in the corner, right? Not that bad. Though he probably would've kept me there longer.
He got up, his footsteps had always been so recognizable. I didn't know where he was going, I had my guard down. I didn't expect me to be his destination.
He yanked me from behind and slammed me into the wall. He let go of my wrist, leaving a red mark there.
He got in my face and started screaming. "I can't focus with you standing here listening to me think!!"
I was confused, scared, and fighting the urge not to correct him on what I can and can't hear. At this point I was more irritated than sad.
I'd already cried enough for one day. No more tears would even come out of my eyes. I didn't want to make eye contact anymore. I wanted it broken.
But I couldn't look away. A silence fell.
He grabbed my arm again and threw me in my bedroom, I heard a lock from the other side. A sigh of strange relief left my mouth, as I glanced around the room.
At least I didn't have to do the dishes. But I still couldn't shake the feeling I had anymore.
This house was giving no calm sensations. I wanted to be outside for a minute. Just a minute.
I opened my window and stepped outside, sitting under my window seal and listening to birds chirping.
I silently envied their freedom and closed my eyes, praying to wake up. But this was reality. It was all actually happening, I didn't know what the next morning would come to and I hoped for it to be here already.
Whatever the future was..it was better than this. Or at least I hoped it'd be. But just tomorrow wasn't the right future to look forward to.
After what felt like an hour I went back in. It didn't seem so bad anymore. I thought of my previous tears like an overreaction and I was tired again.
Back in bed I wanted to cry again. Crying was comforting. But I couldn't, not anymore. I fell asleep almost instantly with the feeling of satisfaction that it was all over.
The next morning my clock said a later time again. I didn't know if I could ever go back to school at this point.
I heard something fall. So he was home then? I decided to stay in my room. I shut my eyes again to try and go back to sleep but I couldn't, tossing and turning and eventually staring at the ceiling.
The door opened. My eyes squinted in annoyance and realization my awful day had officially started.
"Wakey wakey..." That was a woman's voice. It wasn't my mother's, higher pitched and more excited. I looked up surprised.
A younger woman. Late twenties at the oldest, she was pretty. But why was she here? "You look a little surprised." She giggled.
"Did Kai not tell you about me? I mean— your dad? I'm your baby sitter." I didn't know what to say. Baby sitter? I didn't need one. I needed my mom.
"No, he didn't. " I sweetly smiled, but I didn't feel sweet. I felt angry. My father did all this. He caused everything that had gone wrong.
I was furious. She seemed to have noticed the look on my face, because she decided to say something.
"You look tired. Are you hungry? " This question made me sad. Memories of my mother asking she this.
"No, I'm okay. " I walked passed her into the living room, noticing it clean for the first time in a while. It was anything but peaceful.
I used aggression with my tone speaking to her. "Why'd you change everything?" She stepped out of my room, smiling and looking at me.
"I'm your new house keeper too!" Oh. Does she live here now then? I had so many questions but I didn't want her to know. "Are you going to take me to school?"
She took her apron off onto a chair, and folded her hands together. "Tomorrow I'll walk you to the bus stop and you can ride it there. Sound okay?"
I nodded. This was all so surreal. I couldn't believe how much my life had changed in the past 72 hours, it was completely ruined.
I didn't look at it in the way where my life would be easier with this lady around. I thought about how my dad was trying to replace my mom. He can't do that to me. My mother figure is for me to decide.
She pointed at something. Following her finger, I noticed waffles on the dining room table. Waffles. I haven't had them in probably three years.
My mother wasn't ever so nurturing, more of a working kind of person. She was the bread winner in the family.
I was hungry. I hadn't eaten anything the day before. I was thankful. I thought, maybe things were starting to look up for me.
They were. I finally stepped outside to walk to the bus stop the next morning, and everything just seemed..darker.
I know it wasn't the lighting, or the weather, but everything started to seem more and more pointless as time went on.
I could be doing anything, and my heart would start beating out of my chest and everything became painful. I can't pay attention to my teacher when that happens.
Bad thoughts enter my mind so quick. Good ones never stay long. Every day became a cycle and I started looking at things differently.
Every time I thought of my life before everything went downhill it's so melancholy. It wasn't long ago— yet it felt so distant. I longed to live in the happy world I used to thrive in.
Days went on and I started to forget about my mother. I wasn't so sad anymore, maybe screwed up. But I felt guilty for it.
I started to love kana as if she was my own mother. But nothing ever filled the void of losing Atles.
I never saw my father. Hiding in my room once he got home to avoid what happened the first day my family was gone became a routine.
I missed him. No matter how much i hated him, I longed for his reassurance. I longed for his presence. Nothing could break the non-existent bond we had in my head.
Fear motivated me to stay away more than anything else. Every time I accidentally caught a glimpse of his eyes in mine all could think about was the pain I endured.
I wanted things to go back, even if I knew he didn't love or want me. I could still talk to him. It was comforting, even if I always had to avoid him. I always had him there.
Kana was helpful, energetic, and sweet. I cared about her a lot. She was all I had left other than a friend at school.
No one compared to her, no one could. To her I was probably nothing more than some kid she babysits on the night shift. But to me she was everything.
