I lay here, listening to silly little love songs. And all I can think is:
Do you care about me like this?
Where the world stops when you hear me laugh, or see me smile.
Do you really think I'm pretty?
When you've seen me with no make up and dressed in the most unflattering clothing?
Are you for real?
Cause everything I've ever experienced with boys has lead me to be cautious. To be the one who holds back. To keep my heart safe.
I listen to the words of heart broken singers and I wonder. Am I good enough for you? Am I smart enough, pretty enough and worth showing off to your friends?
I dream of kissing you. Did you know that? I wonder what it would be like to be your girlfriend. To be the one you call when you want to talk about nothing and everything. I want to be the girl you fall asleep thinking about. The one you wake up and I'm the first thought in your mind. I want it so bad.
But I'm scared.
Are all the pretty and flattering words just that? Words? Compliments I want to hear and want to believe so badly. I may brush them off but I love hearing you tell me I'm beautiful and that you love me. It makes me feel special. Like I matter to you.
So why have they stayed as just words. Are you ever going to act on them?
Or am I going to have to put myself out there one more time and hope it doesn't hurt like hell if you shoot me down? Because I don't think I can take that from you. The other boys I liked weren't as special to me as you are. They didn't make me smile the way you do. They didn't spark intense conversations about music, life and how the world works.
I don't think I would ever be able to put myself out there again if you shot me down. The thought of not being part of your life makes me cry.
Even if we never say anything about how we really feel about each other I will always have an amazing friend in you. Always.
But I want to be more than friends. I think I love you...and it frightens me. A lot. More than I can ever express in words. I have never felt this way about someone. Please. Don't hurt me. Just...just please.
I dream of an epic love story. But I don't want the fairy tale. I want to fight for our love. I want to have experiences that challenge us and make us into stronger people and a stronger pair. Trials and tests that strengthen an already strong bond.
I want my friends to know you. I want them to see how happy you make me. How my life is so much better with you by my side. I want my parents to see the guy I like so much. My best friends need to understand why I'm in this place and time with you.
Do you see why these love songs make me think of all these things? They say to me there is happiness and acceptance out there. They make me believe in love. And all the wonderful things that come because of it. Yes they warn and caution too. But I would throw caution to the wind because of you.
So tell me, do you love me too?
