Bittersweet goodbyes - Bokuakakuroken

kenma angst .

Kenma has feelings. And he'd be a liar if he didn't say he knew for a while, but he tried to not think about it - he tried to deny it. Now he was onto worry. Keiji was wearing bokutos hoodie - did keiji stay the night with bokuto? *Shit*. Ofcourse, there's so many fish in the sea and he could go after anyone, but he thought keiji could be his. Tears were streaming down his face. *Shit*. Was it him? Was he not muscular enough? Maybe his hair was too long? He stood up slowly and looked at himself in the mirror. He noted him and bokuto had similar eyes but that was about it. Opposites attract, sure, but bokuto and akaashi? He'd never have thought. Slowly kenma dialed Kuroo, sniffling. Only for the call to go to be declined? While scrolling through Instagram he saw bokuto and Kuroo were hanging out. And both of them were blushing. Oh. Oh. It all crumbled on top of him, now he couldn't even have Kuroo. *His* childhood best friend. *First* friend. *First* crush. Did bokuto do this on purpose? Kenma was so, so upset. He grabbed his switch and started to play games.
-
About a week later
-
Kenma hadn't left his house. All his food was delivered, he played games but mostly laid in bed. He was surprised he hadn't gotten a bed sore. One text from one person. Bokuto. Kenma quickly set his phone on dnd and cried more. All week he'd been crying, god. Why couldn't he do anything anymore? Why did it matter to him so much that he couldn't have akaashi or Kuroo? Fuck, why did his heart ache so bad? He'd cried like this before but not over..boys. he sighed and curled up, sobbing into his pillow that still smelled of Kuroo from their last sleepover. *Shit*. You'd think it was his favorite word with how much he said it, repeating it in his mind. He sat up and punched his pillow, if it was alive it'd have been knocked out by the time kenma was done. He was so sad and mad and- and-
*Knock. Knock. Knock*
*Who was that*?
Kenma forced himself to get up, forcing himself to open the door, where he saw exactly who he'd been hoping it wasn't.
*Bokuto*.
Puffy lipped, tear stained, Kenma, good for nothing kenma, standing next to *the* Bokuto Kourarou.
*Shit.* He tried not to cry.
"What do you need?" Asked kenma, bokuto only responded with a tight embrace.
all kenma wanted was him to let go, to push him away, but how could he be mad at bokuto? He was so...nice. why wouldn't those two like him more? More than kenma. He's mean, has hurt his friends, and more importantly bokuto is crying at his doorstep, apologizing. *Shit.*
"I'm sorry kenma! I don't know what I did but you're ignoring me and I'm sorry!" *Shit*. "Bokuto it's nothing I'm just not feeling well." Kenma said and tried not to cry. How could he hate someone so nice? Kenma really was horrible. "I'm gonna go to sleep." But bokuto insisted on coming in and taking care of him. "but kou you have something to do, don't you?" Asked kenma. Bokuto shrugged "but kenma you're not feeling well.." "it's not that I'm sick up just upset." "But that's more reason for me to stay! Maybe I can make you happy again -"
Kenma walked inside, balling his fists up. He didn't care of bokuto came in or left but he just didn't want to talk about it longer. He plopped down and continued to use his phone.
"So did you see me and Kuroo hanging out?"
Kenmas eye twitched. "Yeah, did you two have fun with your *expensive dinner*? Kuroo has *never* taken me to one!" Kenma said, trying not to sound too..mean.
Bokuto smiled "I'm sure you just don't remember it." Bokuto sat down, rubbing kenmas side.
*Ofcourse they like you. What's not to like about you*.
*Stupid kenma.*
Bokuto got up and then smiled "I'll make you food. Alright!" Kenma broke out into tears as bokuto left, punching his dumb pillow "*shit*!" He bawled into the pillow.
*nobody likes me*. Thought kenma to himself *no one could like me, god, I'm so unlovable*.
He sat in front of his window, holding his cat and crying. *Why was he so impossible to love?* He set down his cat and put his head in his knees. He hadn't gotten a text in 3 hours, his phone was fully charged, sitting there, as he waited. Every notification was a taunt, it hurt him so bad. Why did no one ever text him back? God, why did no one like him enough to hang out with him? He sobbed into his hands, feeling the cold breeze on his shoulders. *Why*? Was all he could ask himself, why didn't anyone like him? Why did *no one* like him at all? His heart hurt, and not in a good heart pounding way, more like an 'I wailed for 3 hours because no one texted me back' way. God, Kenma Kozume really was pathetic, sitting in his room with no one to talk to, no friends to hang out with, and no people to care for him. Really, he could ask for a hug But his friends were too busy with each other, he hadn't remembered the last time he got to hang out with one.

Time passed by and kenma really only got worse, he hugged into his bed, the cold air washing over his body once again so he pulled his thin blanket on top of him staring at his phone still. Nothing. Not even one text. It'd been about another hour, Kenma's head hurt from all his crying. He just wanted someone, anyone, to text him. He didn't care who, he'd take anyone, fuck, even if daishou wanted to text him, he'd be happy. But still *nothing*.
Ofcourse, nothing. He was so stupid. All he wanted was someone to care but nothing. Fuck, his friends always did this and he got nothing. Nothing.