Somewhere Only We Know (l.s)

9

September 28th 1975

I am fine.

I am fine.

I am fine.

I am lonely.

Heartbroken.

Shattered.

"I am fine," Louis settled with, breathing the words into the phone. "Really, Niall. New York is great."

A sigh. A deep breath. "I am sure the city is great, Tommo, but... are you?"

Louis breathed in deeply, walking back and forth across the small living room. As soon as the wire that connected the phone to the phone box drew up, he would turn around and walk the other way. "To be honest, I am not fine, Niall. At all."

It was true. Louis hadn't been close to fine for one and a half months. One and a half months since he saw Harry. One month in New York. All the time bathed in his own misery. His own loneliness.

It wasn't even because he was alone. He had a roommate. He had to, or else he wouldn't be able to pay rent. But Liam's—his roommate—company did little to soothe his broken heart.

At night, he tried to sleep, but when he couldn't sleep, he studied. Then he broke down on top of his law studies.

He wasn't fine.

He wasn't sure he ever would be.

"Just give it time," Niall breathed down the line. "Time mends all wounds, ey?"

Louis breathed. In. Out. Deeply. "Yes. I suppose."

They hung up shortly after. Louis slumped back against the wall.

***

That night, after having tried to sleep, studied studied studied, and broken down on top of his studies, Louis found a piece of paper and a pen. He sat on his bed. He could faintly hear Liam in the living room, talking on the phone with his girlfriend.

Louis should really try his best to befriend the guy. He seemed great.

Unfortunately, Louis wasn't in a great mood lately.

He looked down at the paper. He had so much pent-up emotion, so much rage, anger, love, words words words, he wanted to say. Things he wished he had told Harry when he had the chance.

He would never get the chance again.

So why not write it down?

He lifted the pen. Set it to the paper—

Dear Harry

I am sitting here, in my bed, in my apartment. In New York. And I am so, so sad. It's weird, really, 'cause I spent so many months looking forward to this. Moving away, get an education. Become a lawyer.

Get away from home.

Yet I am here. Alone. Well, I am not. I have Liam. My roommate. He is great. I can hear him rustle around in the apartment, talking lowly on the phone, which makes me think how it would be if you and I could talk on the phone. We can't, though, but what if?

If If If

They keep filling my mind. What if things had gone differently?

I still remember your voice clearly, but to be able to hear it. Listen to it... it would be everything.

But I can't. I probably will never hear it again.

And I wonder how you are, Harry, Haz, Harold. My love. Are you sad? Happy? Are you still at your mom's place or did you manage to leave for good?