Could You Love Me?

3. Heartbreak

TW: Self harm, consumption of alcohol

"We need to talk to you," Harshada said, pulling me into an empty studio after college. Sahil followed me in.

"What?" I grinned, half confused, but kind of excited.

"Sit down," Sahil said seriously. Sahil was never serious.

???

"Okay," Harshada started once we were all sat. "So Bebo thought she heard Pankhuri and Ananya talking about some girl and Hrishay in the 3rd floor washroom. She thought they were talking about you, so she listened in, because- tea, duh."

"Obviously," I agreed, and Sahil shook his head (as if he was any better.)

"They weren't talking about you, Mrunali."

I blinked.

"I did some digging," Harshada continued. "And-" she handed me her phone.

It was a photo of Hrishay and Bhavna (who was in my year, one of my good friends but Bebo's best friend) hugging.

They'd always hit it off- most guys got along with Bhavna- she was the typical pick- me girl type.

"This doesn't mean-"

"Scroll," Sahil said.

I scrolled.

Hugging turned to kissing turned to dates.

"Shit."

*****

Hrishay was good to me. He was great to me. Always incredibly sweet and amazing and we always had fun. We'd been on so many dates and I thought I knew him. I thought he was happy.

But had it been the perfect relationship?

Probably not.

Insecurities don't leave because you have someone to call you pretty- no matter how insistent they are. I'd always known that. Hrishay was always at the centre of attention (so was I, but that attention I was used to) and the way we got together meant that it was public before we even got to know each other. I'd always felt the pressure to be worthy- always known that I didn't love myself enough to love someone else.

Maybe it had shown. Maybe I hadn't been as good at hiding my discomfort as I thought. Maybe I'd unconsciously held back and driven him to her.

Maybe I just sucked.

*****

My stomach flipped as I saw Hrishay walk into my studio, the way he always did during the break.

"You're breaking up with him," Harshada warned.

"I wanted to talk to Bhavna first," I said quietly.

"Bhavna gayi bhaad mai," Sahil said. "You're breaking up with him."

I said nothing.

Hrishay's hand snaked around my waist and pulled me to him, like it always did- and he kissed the side of my head, like he always did.

When I didn't respond like I always do, he asked, "Is everything cool?"

"Yeah," Harshada said dramatically. "Cool as ice. Chal, Sahil," she said, pulling Sahil away.

"What's going on?" Hrishay asked.

"Um," I said, pulling away. Shit. "Um, d'you wanna go outside?"

I didn't let him answer as I walked out of the studio into the one across the hallway that was always empty.

"I-um," I broke off. "I found out that- did you cheat on me with Bhavna?" I blurted out.