Picture Perfect

3.

~Garrison~

I know she cries because of me. It's always because of me. And that doesn't mean that each time she does, it gets easier for me to console her or put her at ease. I'm a piece of shit. I know it.

What I don't know, is why this woman I actually genuinely love and care for just isn't enough for me all of a sudden. She's not a bad person, she's done nothing to piss me off, I just want to fuck other women.

It's almost like I think I'm addicted to pussy and can't control my urges. Sam was my first, maybe that's why? It's not even like the other women I get with satisfy me, none of them do. I always feel like shit after each time I step out on her.

But I'm starting to feel like, even though she has her moments where she's bothered by what I have going on, she doesn't care as much anymore. I'm not stupid, I know her love for me is fading. Soon she'll be telling me she's done with this whole thing.

That can't happen. If it were to come out that I basically deviated from my faith to pursue affairs with multiple women outside of my marriage, it would be over for me. Maybe not ball wise, but all my endorsements, all the "upstanding celebrity citizens" who co-sign me, would turn their backs. My capital would erode.

I have to get my shit together before I lose my wife, and everything her and I have worked so hard to build.

"Baby, let me talk to you. I want to show you something." I go over to my nightstand and pull out my second phone. I go back over to the bathroom door and knock on it before entering.

She's sitting on the counter staring ahead into the shower.

She wipes her eyes and looks in my direction.

"What?" She asks aggressively.

"I know. I know. I wanted to give you this. Look through it, don't, destroy it. It's yours. I'm serious this time about us working on things. Well me working on things. You mentioned therapy last time we had this conversation and I shut you down. I want to do it. I want to fix this before it's completely destroyed. I mean it. You not going to believe me but that's fine, I plan to show you. Make the first appointment and I'm there. I'm a fucked up person, but I do love you. I've done some shit but I love you."

She laughs and shakes her head.

"I'm sorry but yeah, that's such bullshit. Why now? All of a sudden you take me serious. You want to give me your little play-play phone for what? You had some sort of come to Jesus moment?" She shrugs in a demanding way.

I sigh resting back against the counter next to her.

"And I'm not stupid Samantha. You want to make your own bread so you don't need me. You're about ready to walk away and I can't think of anything closer to hell than that. I don't feel good doing any of the shit I've been doing. I just do it, my soul is tired of the lying, scheming, hiding and cheating. So I gave you that phone so you could see. I want you to know as much as you want to know so we can move forward in truth if that's what you still want."

This sounds fucked up, but I'm coming to her with a choice right now. I'm giving her a chance to forgive me and let us try to make this shit right. But regardless of her decision, I can't let her go. I refuse to let her ruin me. She knew what it was we when decided to get married. Every time she's smiled for a picture next to me, she knew what we were building and she understood what we had to maintain.

I put the phone down and slide it over to her.

"So you think I'm stupid? What's stopping you from getting another phone? And you still know where these hoes live at."