Seungminiverse [AllSeung]

I'm yours (will your heart be mine forever) - Changbin x Seungmin - part 1 of 3

Seungmin knows he loves Changbin, in fact, he loves Changbin way more than Changbin will ever love him. It has always been Seungmin the one who reaches out for Changbin's attention first. It's not like Changbin doesn't return his affections, every hug that he not so secretly enjoys a bit too much, every handheld that he cherished while it lasted, every time Changbin playfully tried to kiss him that he used the strength that's not really available to avoid. Deep down, Seungmin knows that Changbin likes him. Like him as a cute brother.

Seungmin thinks that he is not being discreet about his love towards Changbin, he thinks that he's loud even. In the old dorm, he used to crash into Changbin's room every so often, just to plant his face on Changbin's pillows and get surrounded with his favorite hyung's calming scent. And even until when the company split them into two different dorms, he would still go all the way to the other dorm just to hang out in Changbin's room. Being near the hyung he loves so much is calming, is heart aching, is yearning for someone who is so near you but so out of reach at the same time.

Seungmin thought he'll never have a shot with his love and sometimes he curses under his breath for the way Changbin's so oblivious with his feelings. He literally has his heart on a platter just for Changbin to take.

"Changbin hyung is so dumb, why can't he take a hint and love me already." Seungmin would roll in bed and wonder about all the whys and whens but still no confession from Changbin.

Sometimes, Seungmin thinks that Changbin must be playing with his emotions. He said that he wants to marry Seungmin, but in the context of "raising a dog and getting married at the same time". He got mixed signals, is Changbin loves him or not? He will not play freaking "Loves me, loves me not" with a daisy to find that out.

He loves Changbin so much, it's just that he also loves playing hard to get. He cannot afford letting Changbin think that he's an easygoing puppy because he is afraid that if he lets Changbin get what he wants too easily, Changbin will not treasure it and will soon discard or forget about it. So he would play push and pull with him, even though it is not a well balanced game because sometimes he gives too much and barely receives.

It breaks his heart a little every time his beloved hyung, with heart eyes and all, runs towards Hyunjin and showers the taller with affections and words that even in his wildest dreams he will not even have a chance to hear.

-Hyunjinnie you are so handsome, give me a kiss.

-Hyunjinnie let's get married.

-Hyunjinnie, at this rate we should just marry.

And everything else is hazy in his memories, by the amount of times that he would cry himself to sleep, knowing that he will never be number one in hyung's heart. Because his hyung's heart belongs to someone, his hyung doted on someone, and that "someone" will never be him. Seungmin firmly believes that the endearing gazes that Changbin shoots sometimes are for someone else, anyone else, except him. But after all those years, Seungmin's heart still longs for only Changbin.

So it is normal, when Seungmin doesn't believe Changbin when Changbin asks him on a date, a romantic one.

-Seungmin, I love you, let's go on a date.

The confession throws at him like a curveball, if Seungmin be honest, he would say yes to Changbin's confession immediately. But the rational part of him tells him otherwise.

-Nope.

-Why not? I love you, and I think that you love me too.

-Nuh uh.

He would cry if Changbin continued to push the idea that he might actually love Seungmin back towards his direction.

-I really do want to go on a date with you, Seungmin.

-Is this some kind of cruel joke, hyung? Did you lose some kind of bet to Han? Felix? I.N? Maybe Minho hyung? Oh I will fight them for making you say this.

-No baby, I really do love you, I didn't lose a bet or anything, I have been loving you for a while now and I really just wanna make my feelings clear to you.

Seungmin just looks at the man in front of him, he really just wants to dive in and hug the man. Seungmin always appears to be so unbothered and carefree in others' eyes, but in reality, he cares and cares a little bit too much. He holds his heart dearly because he doesn't want to break it, it shatters him when people think that he doesn't like Changbin, and even to Changbin, the man doesn't seem to understand that his love for him can't even be put into words. He is so clumsy around the people he likes, he might be annoying when he likes someone because he can't speak up about his feelings. So he converted those feelings into poking fun at his absolutely favorite hyung ever and hopes one day his hyung will understand. Calls, jokes, playful pokes and prods, everything to get the attention from the older male, just for him to think that they weren't actually close.

-Will you love me?

-What are you saying baby, I already love you, that's the whole reason why I came here in the first place.

-Are you mad at me?

-Why do you think that I'm angry at you?

-Isn't this prank going too far? If you don't like my jokes then you can just say it, please don't play with my heart. I know you don't love me, you love Hyunjin right?

The silence in the room is deafening, he can't seem to choose his word to say to Seungmin. The always playful boy now looks at him with a smile on his lips but his eyes are pricking with tears.

-Can you leave me alone please? And sorry, for not playing along with your prank.

-But it's not...

-Please just go, please hyung.

⋆｡˚ ⛆ ˚｡⋆‧₊˚✩彡｡˚☽˚｡⋆˚

For my dear sister that always listens to me and always gives me the best advices, and the reason why I'm still here, still going forward and fighting, not giving up.
This fic is based on her idea and I'm so happy and honored to be able to write it. Thank you so much🩷

@kasumivy