Forgotten Flames

Chapter 8

Sorry for the wait... ENJOY!

I drove back to my dorm. I walked in and saw that no one, but Zeke was here. He was laying on my bed eyes closed. "I've been waiting for you." He said without even looking at me. I set my stuff down and sat in one of the chairs right across from him. He sat up and looked at me and said "You've got some explaining to do."

"Yeah, I know."

"Well, start talking. For starters how long have you been cutting yourself?"

"4 years."

"4 years! Do you realize how dangerous that is?!"

"What do you care?! You wanted me to drop dead earlier so why the change of heart!"

"Despite what you might think. I care. Now, why?"

"Because it was the only way I could get rid of my emotions without going to an insane asylum." I thought of Personal Insane Asylum by Fly Away Hero. Love that song. Bad Aria! Pay attention.

"So your cutting yourself. That's really stupid. Your putting your life at risk."

"I know."

"You know you really should go to rehab or therapy. It can help."

"You don't get it. I don't want that. I don't want to be looked at as some freak. And that's exactly what'll happen if I go there."

"Who cares what other people see you as?"

"I do!... You don't think I didn't see the way you looked at me today right after you found out I cut. You looked at me like I was some freak. Like I was different person. Like... you had no clue who I was. If I go to therapy or rehab everyone will look at me like that, it's bad enough you do... Your even doing it right now." I said with my eyes tearing up as I talked. A few tears made their way onto my face. This is the most I've cried in years. At this point I was an emotional wreck and right on the verge of having a mental breakdown.

"Do you really care how people see you?"

"Yes. It's stupid and I know what your gonna say 'it shouldn't matter what other people think' when you and I both know that's a lie. Yeah I don't care what some people think, but there are people who I do care about what they think."

"Aria, it doesn't matter."

"Stop lying! You know that's a lie! You and Abby can never look at me the same way again. All you'll see is a suicidal girl who cuts herself."

"Aria, I could never-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence. Don't lie to me and tell me you would never do that because your doing it right now. I can see it in your eyes... Tell me the truth Zeke."

"The truth?"

"Yes. And don't lie. Everyone lies to me. You... You're not everyone. Don't lie to me."

"Okay the truth is I see a girl with a problem. She's insane for thinking that cutting herself is the answer even though every time she does it she puts her life at risk. She tried to act like she's ruled by logic when she's really a slave to her own heart. Which has obviously been damaged but not beyond repair. What I wanna know is what drove her to cut herself. Can she tell me that?"

I bit my lip and debated wether or not to tell him. "You really wanna know?" He nodded. I took a deep breath and said "Well, when I was 14 my... My parents they... They told me that... That they weren't proud of me. That I was a disgrace for a daughter. That I was wasting my life and theirs.... They said they hated me and wished they'd never had me. I'd grown up thinking they loved me but were distant because of work when it was all a lie. They hate me. So that night I cut myself for the first time." He stayed silent. Tears streamed down my face. I stared at my lap. I felt a flood of emotions and felt the strong urge to cut and I forced myself to stay put. He brushed off some of my tears with his thumb.

"Do you mind if I see what's under the cuffs?" I shook my head no and handed him my wrists. He gently slid off the cuffs and even through I did still hurt because of the fresh wounds I didn't show it. He examined my wrists and said "How many times have you done this?"

"I used to do it once or twice a week until I was about 17 and then it became once every few weeks and I'd been doing pretty well when I turned 18. It was rare I ever cut until..." My voice trailed off. I didn't want to make him feel guilty.

"I really drove you to do this?" He sad gently brushing his thumb over my wrist.

"It was stupid but I was just really upset."

"If I'd known you were this unstable I wouldn't have said that. I didn't even mean it. I was just upset because I thought you still saw me as that dumb kid. I never meant for this."

"It's not your fault. You didn't know. You were angry. It was my fault. I did this to myself. It was my decision. My fault." I saw a tear roll down his cheek and my heart clenched. I brought my hand to his face to wipe it away and I was about to pull back when he put his hand over mine holding it in place. He kissed the inside of my palm and entwined our fingers.

"Can you promise me something?" He asked searching for my eyes.

"What is it?"

"Stop cutting yourself. If you won't do it for yourself do it for me. Please? I'll drive myself crazy if I know your gonna keep doing this to yourself." I nodded. "No, I need to hear you. Promise me you'll stop cutting yourself."

"I promise."

"Good... You know that if it ever gets to be too much and you feel like you need to cut I'm only a phone call away. I'll be here. I'll always be here."

"Okay... Hey I've got some good news."

"What is it?" He said moving my hand from his face and into his lap still holding my hand.

"I saw Henry today and it turns out that he doesn't want to marry me either. He's going out with my friend Calla."

"The guys an idiot." That wasn't the response I was expecting.

"How so?"

"The guy is crazy for not wanting you."

"Well, as sweet as that is it's not true. Even if he did like me, no one wants an emotionally and mentally unstable girl."

"You can't say no one I know a few people... Wanna know something?"

"Sure." He patted his lap gesturing for me to sit there. I sat next to him instead.

"You always were one to be difficult." He said smiling at me.

"Well, I wouldn't be me if I wasn't." He pulled me onto his lap.

"Zeke. Why are you so set on me sitting here?" He grabbed took my wrist and held it.

"Why is your heart beating so fast Heart Throb?" It was good to hear him call me by my nickname again. Bad that he noticed my pulse.

"What are you talking about?"

"I can feel your pulse. Why is your heart beating so fast?" I'm sitting in my crush's lap. That's why. I didn't know that's a crime. So sue me.

"I-I don't know what your talking about."

"Fine. Deny it." He moved my hand up to his chest. "Feel that?"

"What? Your heartbeat?"

"Yeah. It's steady right?"

"No, it's racing. Why's that Zeke?" I said with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

"It's not racing because of what your thinking. Whenever you feel out of control just remember my heartbeat. Calm and steady."

"Okay. I still don't know why you wanted me to sit on your lap." I yawned.

"Your tired?" He said avoiding the statement.

"Kinda."

He laid me down on the bed and laid behind me. He wrapped his arm around me protectively and whispered "Go to sleep. I'll be right here when you wake up. Everything will be alright. I'm not going anywhere." The sound of his voice lulled me into a deep sleep. Even though I was half asleep I realized that I was sleeping with Zeke and I didn't have on my cuffs. He inaudibly mumbled something, but I was already out.