{{ON HIATUS}}

Chapter 3

Have you ever thought about what drives a person to bully? Facts state that bullies endure low self-esteem that builds out of baggage brought from home, which causes a sensation of hurt on others, or even self-hurt. Though this may be true—and I respect science with all it's wonders—but has anyone stopped to wonder maybe bullies bully just because, well, they want to?

I woke up in the nurses office with that thought in my mind, unsuccessfully dodging a horrible headache. Mrs. Baughman told me to take it easy—didn't ask for details—and gave me the good-to-go slip. I didn't think it was really a big deal, but I'll admit, as far as I knew, Alex and I weren't on the best terms at the moment.

Probably ran into the sunset with Roxanne.

He was never the handsome casanova, and by assumption I never thought he would become one. Though, I guess high school changes people. The reality of it all: nothing ever lasts.

The lights in the hallway were dimmed, and my vision was foggy. Everything looked faded; like the whole world was sad along with me. I shuffled towards last period: English. Everyone was at their classes, deserting their lockers and usual sitting spots.

I never thought I'd feel that lonely in my entire life. It was like the walk of shame, but instead it was the lonely walk down my new high school hallway. My heart sank as I realized that my new beginning was no longer available, and I had Alex to thank for that.

There was an empty can on the floor just asking to be kicked, so I showed it no mercy and sent it down the hall. It clanged against the wall and rattled to a stop, but it didn't satisfy the anger. Why did things alway happen to me?

Why do I always have to take the fall?

I slammed my fist against the closest locker.

Why am I always dragged into things?

Slam.

Why is it always my fault?

Slam.

Why is it my problem?

Slam, slam.

Why does no one care?!

I hit it as hard as I could over, and over, my knuckles connecting with the metal in a jolting rhythm as the lock jiggled annoyingly. I didn't care if I was "disrupting classes", or disrupting the whole world for that matter; I was angry. More than angry—I was furious, and I knew why. That was the first time I had ever had a real reason to be enraged, and smashing my hand into this poor locker felt good.

But then the hinges gave way, and the lock shuttered under the force as the whole door fell to the floor, clashing against the linoleum. I took a step back, gaping at the destruction as classroom doors flew open and shocked faces floated out. Kids murmured things to each other, and everything mushed into one. My fury fell away into embarrassment while billions of eyes watched me, waiting for someone to yell, or make a commotion.

But no one did.

As I stared down at the dented metal, Alex pushed through the crowd, face confident. "Alright, nothing to see here!" He said, waving people away.

The irritation flooded back when I saw him pacing in the corner of my eye. We were alone in the hallway. 

And the fun begins.

"What the heck, man?" He finally said.

I whipped around a little too fast, dizzying me, and rested a hand on the wall to steady myself. "You've got to be kidding me!" I growled. "You're seriously going to say that after what happened today? Oh, yeah. You were too busy with your new girlfriend to notice me crumpled, and beaten on the floor."

He stopped pacing and turned to me. "Hey, don't bring Roxanne into this." he said quietly.

"Don't bring her into this?" I almost laughed. "She was basically the whole problem!"

I watched as his face harden, and a crease formed between his eyebrows. I knew I had crossed the line, but he needed to know, so I kept going. "Did you really think you were going to get away with that? You left me in the middle of a crowd of kids, beaten up and unconscious." My voice was rising. "Do you know how long I was laying there? Because I don't! You want to know why?"

I left a dramatic pause, but as he was about to open his mouth I cut him off to let him know I wasn't finished. "Because I blacked out. While you were giggling with your girlfriend, I was subconsciously being embarrassed!" 

He pointed a finger at me and managed, "She's not my girlfriend--"

"I took the fall for you. This wasn't just you're day, it was mine, too!" Now I was shouting. I'd had enough. If he was more interested in impressing some girl, than having his best friends back I didn't need him. All he was was baggage; something to weigh me down and weep on my shoulder while I tried to fix my life. 

Silence filled the space, and we just stood there, waiting for something to happen. But Alex just turned around and walked away...maybe forever.