Jade Silva wasn't looking forward to spending her entire summer at her grandmas house. She lived in one of the hottest states, Arizona. Not to mention her annoying little siblings would be down there with her.
She had heard about the family next doo...
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I used to hate going to the dentist. For years when those agonizing six months were up I was forced out of my bed and seated under the bright light in wait for the dentist to judge me.
I sat there numb to the comments because I couldn't care. I didn't care about anything much those days. My mind was too warped up in its shit planning on different ways to end myself.
It felt like the years went by slowly in the state I was in. There was generally nothing wrong with me, I mean I was safe, living in a stable home, and had decent friends. Sure I often fought with siblings and experienced tough situations. But for some reason in the middle of nowhere, a large wave of self-loathing and sadness would hit me.
Like I was walking down the street and suddenly the ground crumbled from under me swallowing me whole.
I looked up from the bottom, watching my life pass me by, faking that I was fine like I wasn't trapped in a dark hole that no one could see because nobody cared to look that deep into me. Nobody noticed either, I was that good of an actress.
No one knew of the painful thoughts that singed my mind, building a deep hatred for myself. No one knew the nights I spent crying after looking at myself in the mirror because I was so ugly and unlovable. No one knew how much I wanted to disappear because I believed no one would truly care anyways.
Someway somehow I managed to climb my way outside that hole one day. I don't know if it was a change in hormones or a change in environment but I did it. Something made me want to climb back out and start walking again.
Ever since I've walked fine, but some days I could feel the ground shaking from underneath me, my overthinking pulling strings apart. Sometimes it scares me and sometimes I want to fall back into that dark abyss. There was something painfully comforting about that dark hole.
Sometimes when I'm left with nothing to do, I begin thinking which leads me down a dark path, remembering everything I felt and experienced in my 17 years of life. Prodding questions like "Do my friends really love me?" And "Do I deserve happiness," swarmed my mind, searching for a legitimate answer.
"Jade," Grandma snapped her fingers in front of my face.
I blinked out of my thoughts and turned my head towards her. "Yes?"
"Start getting dressed," our neighbors are having a party to start the summer off. "Dress accordingly," she said before sauntering off.
I looked at the time that read two pm, hopping off my bed I waddled to the bathroom to take a needed shower. After brushing my teeth and styling my braids I did my makeup and pulled on a cute summer dress. It was white with thin straps, stopping just above my knee. I left my hair down and glossed my lips for the finishing touch. Spraying some perfume on, I stepped out of the bathroom and waited in the living room for everyone else.
My grandma rushed in, sticking some Bobby pins in her hair, her phone pressed against her ear. "Uh huh, yeah I'll send Jade over, she can help... No, she doesn't mind she likes helping others."
