black treacle - matt sturniolo

Chapter Twelve, Be Quiet and Drive (Far Away)

Sinking her head lower into the water, Robyn shut her eyes and let the water drown out her thoughts.

It was useless. They were always louder.

The pounding in her mind worsened the more she submerged herself into the tub, whether it be the boiling heat or her mind trying to cope with everything.

Ashley Simmons was the last person she thought would return to her life, but as Arthur Miller once said, the birds always come home to roost. Your mistakes will always return to haunt you. Was leaving her a mistake? Was she the mistake?

Her conflict on their friendship ending had been pushed away to be settled another day, like old clothes shoved to the back of the closet or kicking an ice cube under the fridge. But one day the clothes pile and spill out of the closet, the ice melts and the wooden floors begin to buckle.

It hurt. Being the second choice hurt. Like in middle school when her long-time crush confessed that he wanted to date Spencer instead of her and asked for help.

Or when the Daily Bugle hired someone who ended their sentences with a preposition. But to a man she's been dating for a month over their friendship? If you could even call it that.

Towards the end of their friendship, Robyn felt that Ashley had been replaced. She was no longer her best friend on the road to being a psychologist, she was now Frankie's girlfriend.

She often thought back to what life would be like if Ashley had never met Frankie. It would be the three of them together with their plans to share a home alongside their dreams. Weird how easy years of friendship could crumble like a house of cards.

She was just promoting her play, it's no big deal she tried to reassure herself, but Ashley's meticulous planning and dramatic nature wouldn't allow it. After all, she did move her seat away in every lesson and no longer walked the halls if Robyn was there.

Promoting her play solely for the sake of the drama committee? There was no way she'd talk to her just for that. The connotations of her visit were felt like the searing pain of salt in the wound. Ashley's way of showing Robyn how her absence had no effect on her.

Her attempts at prying her mind away from Ashley were redundant because they always ended back on Spider-Man.

Robyn had always worried for his safety but it had worsened because it wasn't a superhero protecting the city, it was Matt.

The post-its were definitely written by him. She had an inkling it could be Bryan or Sadie because nobody expected the quiet ones who seemed like they could do no evil. Plus, she had seen his handwriting after he edited a freshman's piece and they were identical, down to the smiley face.

Her mind was scattered every day, learning new card games to help with Matt's riddles while trying to make sure she was caught up on her reading and coming up with new articles. The SATs were soon and that meant university applications and then writing all the essays even though only one school mattered to her-

A knocking on the bathroom door interrupted her thoughts. She was unsure if she was glad about this disturbance or not.

"Robyn? Are you okay? You've been in there for a while." Her mother's voice was laced with concern. Robyn looked at her pruned fingers and gathered that she had been in the bath for a concerning amount of time.

Her mom was probably concerned she had drowned to death or had boiled herself in the hot water she had always urged her to not bathe in.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm getting out soon."

"I left the cut apples on your desk, just make sure you eat them soon because I know you don't like them when they oxidise."

Robyn propped herself up, feeling every drop of water trickle down her body.

What had gotten into her?

Her skills in gin rummy or canasta weren't helping her odds of maintaining the family legacy. Being the best journalist was dismissed into an acknowledgement that she had participated in the club in her transcripts.

But nothing she did felt enough.

If she got into Harvard, it didn't matter because her parents did it first with less than she had. If she didn't get in, then what was the point of everything she had done? It was like being stranded on a boat in the middle of the ocean and you spill your last flask of water. It had nothing to gain but you had everything to lose.

It was mortifying because rejection wouldn't affect her parents' love for her. If she went to Brown, Columbia, and even NYU, they would celebrate her accomplishments but Harvard was the only school that proved her existence was worthy.

While getting dressed, Robyn debated with herself about cutting ties with Spider-Man. There were simply no cons. It freed up her time and Matt could write about himself and they could go to their dream schools.

He had always joked about how MIT was his destiny because "you couldn't spell Massachusetts without Matt".

Close your eyes and think of Harvard, Robyn repeated to herself with every crunch of an apple.

Sometimes she thought of running away. Sometimes it was a Greyhound from New York to California, living on Venice Beach with the vendors. Other times it was catching a flight from JFK Airport and then fleeing to the south of France.

She thought of this a bit too frequently, even coming up with names she could adopt once she was free (it was narrowed down to Dorothy, Alyson, or Blythe) and the letter she'd leave on her desk for her parents and how they had done nothing wrong, it was her venomous perfectionism that had tainted her mind.

A knock interrupted her escape plans, her fantasy more unrealistic than getting into Harvard.

"I'll just bring the bowl to the kitchen when I'm done, mom!"

"It's not your mom. Come to the balcony." Robyn scrunched her face in confusion, wondering if she had missed a post-it.

Before she opened the curtains to speak to him, Robyn relaxed her face and plastered on a soft smile, afraid he wouldn't recognise her.

"Spidey-"

"I'm not sure how you keep finding me based on these post-its you mentioned but you need to stop." Robyn shut her mouth, discarding the witty remark she had prepared for him. "The King and Queen of Spades, they've been blunt with their attacks and I don't want you to get hurt if you're there with me."

"But I-"

"I'm sorry. But I don't know what I'll do if you get hurt. I'm always here if you need help in the neighbourhood. Goodbye, Robyn."

Giving a small last wave while crouched on the railings, he jumps backwards and shot a web at the next building, leaving Robyn stunned and alone.