I Wanna Be.

Part 16

                                                                        Mani   

                   It's been almost a month since Prince went to live with my parents. I couldn't believe that all of this had happened. I tried my best to be a good mother, but instead, I was a total failure. It became intense in the house. I wasn't cooking, I was barely eating, and when I would eat I would just order something online. The only thing I couldn't get used to was the quietness of the house. I missed Prince's cries waking me up every morning around Four. I miss his laughter echoing in the room when I would blow on his stomach with my mouth. I missed everything.

                   Brittany was still "missing" Well that's what Rome kept saying anyway. My intuition was telling me that was a lie. I felt like he was protecting her and after how he treated us, I wouldn't put it past him. I just know he lying to me for that hoe.

                    Every day I would think of at least a hundred ways I would kill her when I catch her. I wanted to tie her up and pour scalding hot grease over her face and body watching as the boils appear on her burned skin. Then other days I would want to put a gun in her mouth and blow her fucking head off execution style. I wanted to tie her hands behind her back and drown her in the kitchen sink one day. Then drench her in gasoline, light a match, and put her body on fire another.

                There was this insane amount of anger in me and she would better hope she never runs into me anywhere because win or lose I was prepared to fuck clean over her.

                    I heard a knock at the door. I instantly rolled my eyes because I knew it was Rome. We haven't talked ever since Prince was taken away from me. I just didn't have anything to say. I hated his guts and the little love for him I had in me was mild. I felt like he was supposed to protect our son even if he didn't like me. He couldn't even do that so I didn't know the point of having a conversation. He would come to my room at least twice a day. Once in the morning and once at night. He would even text my phone but I just continued to ignore him. I would never leave my room unless I was a hundred percent sure he was gone. I just couldn't mess with him like that. Not after everything that has happened.

                    I grabbed my phone off my nightstand and looked at the time. I slept all day, it was just about 3 a.m.

"Mani talk to me man," Rome said on the other side of the door but I continued to ignore him.

                             After a minute passed, I heard the hard slam of the front door. I could give two fucks if his ass was mad. I waited an additional ten minutes and threw on the white plush robe that was hanging on the chair near my window. Then I headed out the door to check the mail. I was extremely anxious because I was waiting for my court day. Once I walked down the driveway to the mailbox I pulled everything out of the mail. Everything with his name on it I put back in there. The first couple was bills. Then there it was, my court date document. I was so happy the smallest smile crept on my face. I would finally get visitation rights to see my son.

                   I hurriedly opened it and started to read over the mail. My court date was next week. I had already written down what I wanted to relay to the judge so they can see what a good mother I am and I couldn't wait. I jogged back into the house and it was finally time to give myself a lil TLC.

                        My hair was a mess so I would start there. It was matted and hadn't been combed this whole time and I wasn't wearing my all-black satin bonnet. I wasn't in the mood to even deal with my hair so I decided to pay someone else. I wasn't familiar with the area so I didn't know of any good salon that specializes in 4c hair. Then I hated the Instagram hairstylist that had a million and one rules. Decisions. I goggle hairstylists in my area and sadly no one could do 4c hair so an Instagram girlie It was. I found this I.G. girl called MatsByMariah. She specialized in a lot of things but her most views came from her detangling women's matted hair and I settle for her. It was also a plus that she would come to my home to do it. That alone made me very happy because of the way my social anxiety set up, I was scared to have to go and sit in someone's salon. I wasn't trippin though cause for my child, I would do anything. I booked my appointment and was done with that. Now it was time to decide what I wanted to wear. I didn't want to wear a dress but I wanted to get the best first impression of myself I could. I found some cute dresses on FashionSales and they even had overnight shipping so I was ecstatic. Being able to get everything done but not leave the house was great for me.