vent (again)

tw: sh, su1cide, swearing

I've done sh since I turned 10 I think? And I didn't want to
𝘿𝙞𝙚 or anything but now everything is just way to much for me even if it's something as little as getting a detention at school, or loosing something, things like that, I don't really care for my life anymore, I would kill myself if I could but I don't know how to even do it without a blade or rope, I can't find shit in my house so there is anything I can even do about it, I just wish someone would kill me so I didn't have to do it myself, I'm probably at my lowest point in life but I just feel ignored and like I can't open up, even during things like CAMHS meeting, I did say I did any sh or wanted to just kill myself, because I feel like no one could give a fuck if I died or not, all I ever get is yelling from my dad and sisters, I can't even tell my mom shit because she lives 4 hours away and doesn't even answer the phone most days, I don't even know if I'm gonna remember to bring things to school tomorrow because I can't think k in the mornings and when I do it isn't clearly whatsoever so I didn't bring my bag to school because I couldn't fucking see it on the stupid door handle in my living room, I think I might attempt soon but I don't even care anymore, I wish I felt like a stupid robot with no emotions or needs so I wouldn't feel so shitty all the time

I'm probably not gonna post anymore, I don't care about anything that much anymore and this is something I don't give 2 fucks about