Today was nice 5 more days of school summer is coming (yay my bday is coming) and so is summer time sadness. A wise friend of mine told me not to look for anyone but I'm so stupid!! I hate the feeling I had it before for all my past "lovers". Crushed inside for a stupid or no reason(s).
" I like you", " I love you", bullshit. I can't believe that I'm doing this again. This time it's jay I fell for. I knew he was a player I don't even know why I tried with him. I'm such an idiot... In a snap of fingers he can have a new girlfriend and sadly he did that to me but thank the lord I didn't date him or do anything to get so connected. But the talks and the looks we shared it getting to me... I have to see him at church every damn Sunday and Wednesday. I have no idea what to do. I have been staying up at night thinking crying and going insane on what is going on with me. Hell last year I was living hell life got better a little jk barely is more of the word. I hope I don't see him tomorrow tho. I'm dying inside rn cuz of jay. Why does he have to play with me I told him straight forward in the beginning wha I don't want happening. Well shit it's all happening.... What the hell why can't ppl just respect others wishes. I do I may fuck up a lil but not to make you feel like you're fucking dying inside n making you cry... Insanity is happening to me I'm tryin over and over again knowing where I did mess up but I keep doing it think and praying it will change well it never does. Music numbs me at home mom n dad seem like they don't love anymore like the just don't care n if they do it's like so little they yell at each other. My sister is always into herself with her friends online or offline never any time for me. N cuz me parents are crazy I can't do shit. I always feel alone even with family and close friends. You can say ily n I'll just say it back to b nice I never mean it half the time. No trust no love no freedom...I just don't know anymore. I want to feel loved... Love that won't hurt me at all at any time any place anywhere.
