forgiving myself
for not giving in to myself
not loving me or trusting me
the hate i had on my shoulders came so naturally
especially avoiding the chances to really get to understand me
but i was scared of being more than i could see
society didn't want me to believe that in me
i don't know why i woke up one day and decided it's time to give myself another try
to try to really enjoy this life that's surrounded with me
to choose me over everything
even with all the doubts i started to feel the possibilities
knowing all along i was skeptical about being implied as special
having too many opportunities turned
because the only thing i made time for was to crash and burn
giving in time and time again to being comfortable with how badly i'd end
end in distaste from this bitter place i had so set in stone
appetite full off of my specialty called
disappointment knowing i can grow from this bland taste of something made by a routine with no personality
living life day by day hiding away instead of being me
like a cocoon ready to be set free
to fly so beautifully
reminiscing on feeling the world against me
like a caste away
feeling i needed this survival mind in order to stay
that's probably why i always raise my tone
stuck on a stranded island since birth knowing it wasn't the place i'd call home
but i couldn't swim miles away
so i came to the conclusion that one day is all id need to finally know where i'm meant to be and even all this sea could see the potential in me because it made room for me to be free
i thought i'd drown, i didn't go down
i floated in the open ocean
and found my home
a special place i could stay made just for me
and all it took was that one day for me to come to my senses and let myself in with the mind that i've come clean repenting all i've held in trying so hard to avoid that part of me
and now look at me learning to thrive on being free for not fighting the real me
i know i'm difficult caused by the strong mind in me but once you see the possibilities i have you'll see how special i can truly be
you'll see all the value i found in me
you'll feel more special than me
you'll be surround by someone who will value you just as much as i value me
that
that is my specialty
now tell me, what do you bring to the table?
i'm anxious to know
will you sit and dine
order everything of mine?
but leave no tip, leaving nothing but a blank slip
will i put all my energy into this like a 12 hr shift just to feel like shit?
or will you consider all the shit i have to offer
will you be considerate to leave a tip
to cater to it
will you admire the quality instead of ordering quantities
will you actually conversant and talk to me?
just tell me does your specialty come with the negativity
ask yourself "what kind of special do i see in me?"
then come back and talk to me
