MEMENTO

FORGIVENESS

FORGIVENESS.

DAVID

.   .   .

FRIDAY

  The beer is finished. Drank the whole bottle, took one sip every five minutes. The trip down memory lane was pretty long and exhausting. Franklin's face explains everything. 'Holy—that was intense...the whole situation is extreme, my friend' he says with shock and concern on his face. I have no idea if he is sincere or faking it. He is a sociopath for all I care, maybe he is serious when he shows concern. I have never told this to anyone, and that is not because I had no one. But because if I did it out loud, that would mean that everything I think of myself will become true. I have done terrible things and I hate myself for it but there was a time where I wanted to change, I had hope. But then he came along and destroyed the last bit of hope I had. I saw myself for who I really was, a terrible human who cannot be forgiven. I have a scar on my face to remind me every day, I used to cover it up before but then I realized I could be a bigger coward than I already am. I remind myself everyday with that scar, a reminder. Kept the gun I took lives with, the same M1911 I killed with. It is a memento. A memento to remind me of how terrible I am. 'Do you think I am worth forgiving? Worth saving?' I ask franklin as my voice begins to break. He looks me in the eyes before speaking. 'Yes, yes you are. Yes, you have done terrible things but so did I, and so, you wanting to change and showing guilt means that you still have hope. You are worth forgiving and saving.'

'How can you be so sure...? How?'

'Because I have been there too. Thing I told you about. I did a terrible thing, my friend. But I moved on, I forgave myself for what I did. It wasn't easy but I knew what I had to do. I am happily married, and I have a daughter.' How is this possible, he is lying. He could never have done this; he can never move on from such a terrible thing. 'You think I am lying, don't you?  Let me show you something.' He continues. He takes out his wallet and shows me a photo of him and his family. It is true, he did it. He did the impossible, he recovered. He got himself out of the guilt and regret. He forgave himself. I hold the picture, looking at it in disbelief. He really did do it. 'You really did it...How?' I say in disbelief. 'You can do it too. Just try, my friend. Try, it won't be easy but you will sleep easy.' he says as he gets up from the chair. He slams the newspaper he has been holding since he got here. 'Thanks for the beer.' He says as he walks to the door. I look at the newspaper and I cannot believe what I see.

'Special Agent Doyle Adams solves the biggest conspiracy in CIA history.

Special Agent Doyle Adams Killed the man behind the biggest conspiracy in CIA history. Last identified as Thomas B. Buchanan who was a Special Agent at the agency. Who had been leading illegal assassination programs and illegal experiment programs. Was shot dead after a bust in one of his facilities up north—'

  He did it too, he got him. Franklin looks at me from the door as he speaks. 'Hey, maybe now when you look at the scar, you will remember the good it brings. Take care now.' He says before he leaves, leaving me confused. Who is this man? How does he know? He already knew about this. He was carrying this paper since the first time he got here. I yell his name to stop him. 'Who are you?' I ask him. He smiles and only says one thing. 'It does not matter who I am. What matters is who you are.' he says before getting in his car and driving off. It has been years since Thomas was killed, ten years. All of his contacts have been captured or killed. Stephen Haut has been blamed for the assassinations due to his connections with Thomas and he was his main arms dealer. it's over. I no longer have to hide or expect him to get his revenge. Maybe he did try to take revenge on me, tried looking for me. I no longer have to fight. Its my time to have a life I always dreamt of. How did this guy come to this gas station and change my life and my views? I have so many questions. But it's best if I bury everything in the past and move on to have a life of my own. No point in dwelling in the horrible past, it's now time to focus on a good future.