Addicted to a memory

This Time...

Ella's POV (2012)

"I...I think I love you..." Chris stammered to me. I stared at him with wide eyes in shock. No. He can't be. We're only 14. It can't....I really don't believe this. I don't think I can say it back, I don't like him like that, surely.

"Ella...Please say something? I know I love you. I know it. I know we're only 14, but age is only a number. I love you so much and I care for you, I always have. I have always been that best friend who sticks by your side no matter what. In primary, when those girls were going to throw paint at you, who jumped in front to cover you? Me. I did. I took that paint for you. I've done a lot for you and all I ask for is for you to give me a chance." He looked at me with pleading eyes. I don't know what to do. I can't imagine us in a relationship. I feel as if it would consist of him putting in a lot of effort, and me not knowing what to do and just staying with him out of sympathy. I look at him with tears in my eyes and before I say anything, I give him a big hug.

"Chris...best friends. You have always been my best friend and I think it should stay that way. We're 14, we don't even go out." Chris flinched at my choice of words.

"We don't go out, I know you've known me for 11 years, but I don't think you can develop a proper love for me. Not now. Like you even understand what love is. Love is a complicated thing, and saying those words....it doesn't prove anything. Words are words until you show them. But I know that I don't like you like that, and I don't want to be in a relationship where the feelings aren't mutual. It's unfair on you." I frown at him, upset at this conversation. I stared deep into his ice blue eyes and noticed that tears were forming. Hear that sound? That's the sound of my heart breaking. I feel so bad it isn't even funny. I don't know what to do...he can't actually love me, surely not. I cautiously step towards him to give him a hug but he steps back frowning. I slowly lower my arms and I feel my lips start to tremble, I can't cry in front of him. I can't. Come on Ella, you can do this, keep it together. I can't believe we're having this conversation, what if it ruins our friendship...

"No, Ella, please. Please, I love you so much even if you don't believe it. I can treat you so well, you deserve the best and I'll give you the best. When you feel down and you're upset, I'll be there, I'll be there to give you hugs, cheer you up, and to wipe your tears. When you get bored, I'll be there to entertain you and keep you company. When you need to make a big decision, I'll be there to support you the whole way and accept whatever option you choose. I'll buy you small gifts when something reminds me of you, I'll do little things to make you smile. I'll make you feel special. I'll make you feel loved. I'll do anything it takes to keep you happy." A single tear rolled down his cheek as he desperately tried to get me to change my mind and love him back. I feel so guilty...I love him so much, as a friend, and I don't want to put that in risk by getting into a relationship with him, that might not even work out well.

"Chris, most of those things you listed you can do as a friend. You already do most of those things. Look, I love you, a lot, but only as a friend. Not in that way. I don't like this, this whole conversation is hurting you. Hurting you is one of the last things I ever want to do, but I know for a fact I would rather do it now than when I've given in and said yes to being in a relationship with you and then hurting you when I let you go because it isn't working. I'm sorry for the harsh words, I really am. But I don't want to risk our friendship with this! It's already in risk with you liking me in this way, because this conversation can change everything. Look, just...I think we need to leave it. I accept that you like me like you do, but I don't back, so I think it's safer to not get into a relationship. Just remember I still love you as my best friend, you can still care for me as a friend." My voice was trembling as I talk to him, telling him about why it won't work. I look at the ground trying hard not to cry.