G A M E O N

제28장 자유

CHAPTER 28 FREEDOM

What have happened with my life, and most importantly, what have I done to deserve it?

I've never been a goody two-shoes but neither have I been a troublemaker and look where it have gotten me.

I'm stuck in a hellhole worse than school and if that isn't bad, I don't know what is.

I hate it here, because here, I'm cut off from the most important thing in my whole life.

Freedom.

Life without it doesn't even deserve to be called living, it's surviving. I need my freedom, I need to be able to be who I want to be and do what I want to do. If you always do as other people tells you to, they are going to expect more and more of you until you reach the limit where you are no longer yourself, but a shell formed by the people around you.

I can't stand being told what to do all the time and thrown from one to another like some kind of a ball or toy.

I'm a human,I'm taetae with a heart and feeling, but something tells me that everyone haven't gotten it into their small brains yet.

I'm wearing invisible chains which I have to get out of, and that fast.

I've had one breakdown and I can't risk another one. I don't know how strong I am. I don't know how much I can take before I finally break down completely, until I lose the bet I'm desperately trying to win.

To be honest, I don't even know what I'm doing here.

Sure, Jeongguk says he likes me but we all know how well that's going, and all I'm doing on the days is either nothing, or something pointless as climbing or watching the guys play video games.

I don't belong here. I never have and I never will, but Jeongguk is too damn selfish to let me go and I'm too entangled in this mess to get out with ease.

If I get out, I can almost swear on that Jeongguk will hurt Dami, which means that I have to take her with me, but in order to do that, I need to find a way out first.

But I can't just ditch the other girls, and therefor I have to go to the police the first thing I do if I ever get out of here, but the police station is also one of the first places where they will look, but honestly, I think they would look anywhere and nowhere in order to find me if I managed to escape. At least Jeongguk would, I think.

I can always hope that it isn't right, that I'm just a silly girl in his eyes, but something tells me that I'm not that lucky.

Ugh, I know it's a terrible sign when someone, in this case Jeongguk, makes Shane, my ex, look like an angel in comparison.

I don't like to think about my past, I prefer standing strong and moving.

The past is in the past, you can't change what has happened or what you've done, but you can change yourself.

Sometimes, you even change without knowing or wanting it.

Like now.

I'm not the same person as before.

I don't act like I did a few days ago before my life turned upside down.

I don't say what I would've said a few days ago.

I don't even think as I would've a few days ago, because if I would, I wouldn't be thinking about Shane right now.

I wouldn't be thinking this much at all, but now it seems like it's the only thing that I'm allowed to do, or at least I won't get caught because of it.