CRAZY IN LOVE (Ongoing)

03| why?

I look up at her.

'Why?' the only question on my mind.

'why do you want to break up with me?'

'it was really hard for me to land to this job' she explains 'and I'm still having a hard time at work'

'i know that' i replied.

'they scold me because I'm new,and i have a ton of work to do, there are so many things i have to take care of'

'i know all of it, im aware of the hardships my loved one is going through ' i cut her off. ' that's why am always trying to comfort you'.

'right, that's my point' she says in a soft tone.

'What' what does it mean.

Emily: 'i don't like it that your life is all about me'

Chanyeol: 'thats the problem for you?'

Emily: 'when i text you back after hours, you answer my text right away,
All you think about is places for us to visit or matching items for us to have'

Chanyeol: 'its because im crazy for you Emily, i want to show you how much I love you'

Emily: 'you always wait for me to get off work and run to me all the time'

Chanyeol: '....hey Emily' i want to tell her something but I don't know what, i want to make her stay.

Emily: 'it getting suffocating' words escaped her lips like she wanted to tell me this all the time , but she was keeping it to herself.

I stared at her blankly. Is this the reason she was pushing me away ?.

She sighs and continues talking
'chanyeol, there are more reasons,
When i see you my heart...' she pause and looks away 'my heart doesn't race the way it used to , I don't feel the same way when I'm with you'

'so you can just let me go now?' she finishes and looked down.
I can feel my heart drop at what she said ..

Chanyeol: 'look me in the eye and say that again'

She raised her head and stares in my eyes, her eyes are the same nothing changed it sparkles like stars , but this time i feel it in me the way she looking at me is not the same as we first met, when we fell in love.

'i want to date a guy who focuses on his life too , who doesn't lose himself in my love and forgets about himself'
she says bluntly to me without thinking twice, as if she wanted to say this for so long, but i was too deep in loving her, and never understands all these signs, maybe I believed that she loves me the same way I love her ,that's why I did everything to make her feel my love but while doing that I didn't realize I'm suffocating her with it , all this time I thought the reason of her being distant is because of her new job and she'll get better soon and we'll always be happy. I gave this relationship my everything and worked hard to keep her happy with me To love but in the end it was all for nothing and I'm just a fool in love .

Emily: ' I want someone who will give me my space , someone with the same persona as me , but me and you aren't a match we're both different and want different lives'

Chanyeol: 'we are just going through a rough patch,it'll pass' i hold her hands in mine tightly to show her how desperate I am .
'please...' i added looking her in the eyes, i never cried, i never want anyone to think im weak, but im weak when it's her.

'im sorry' she takes back her hands and grabs her bag.
'take care' with that she gets to leave .

I grab her hand 'please don't leave me' still looking down trying to keep my tears in 'if i lose you like this... It'll be real-ll-yy har-dd for me' i said stuttering.

What else am i suppose to do? Get down on my knees? begg her to stay? will she change her mind if I do that?
If yes, im ready to do it. I can't just let her go,all this time she is my only reason to live, first person i think about when i woke up in the morning and when i sleeps at night. When i see couples anywhere, i imagine us. Why am I afraid to lose her...

'if i stay longer , we will just repeat this misery, i don't want to do that.'

....When she's not even mine.

She let go of my hands 'thank you for everything Chanyeol, take care of yourself'
And left me. With her memories playing inside my head..

That time when she used to sit by my side hugging me when while writing songs about her because i never experienced love before, she was the only one i ever loved i never wrote songs before she was the only one that maked me want to sing and for her , she smiles at me when i play it on my laptop, and looks at me with her pretty eyes filled with love.

We even used to study at the library sometimes when we both were in our last year of college, talks by writing at the back of our notes, me asking her 'i'm hungry' passing her the note.
'chicken wings' she gives me back smiling at me. 'your lips' i writes placing pencil down, she smiles shyly and continues doing her work putting back her headphones. I pouted dramatically to get her attention, this trick never fails she looked at me and leans to kiss me on my cheeks.

But you know what i guess she didn't value those memory that i cherished.
Maybe if I knew this is coming I would've found a way to stop it .. just maybe if I knew

I went back to my room laying on my bed, i sighs heavily

'i miss you like crazy'