The Birds and the Bees

Windows to the Soul

It was this moment of finding something I'd long since given up looking for, maybe even stopped believing in, that made my senses reel as much as the kiss. The wild impossible sweetness of somebody kissing me for me, because of me, and everything outside the press of bodies, the ripple of breath, the stroke of tongues drifting away like old leaves in autumn.

It was a kiss to make you invincible; hot and slow and deep and perfect. And for a little while, for as long as Adrian was touching me, I forgot to need anything else. I clutched helplessly at the lapels of his jacket. "What is even happening right now?" I whispered, drawing away from him.

"I was hoping that was obvious, Eugenie," he whispered that. The mouth that had moved on mine curled into its softest smile.

I swallowed hard. "Yes, but. Yes but. You said you only kiss people you...that you're...that you like."

He brushed his stranded my hair back behind my ear. We both knew that was not what he had said. He only kissed people he was in love with. But I couldn't bring myself to say those words. Not right now. I watched as his cheeks and the tips of his ears went very pink.

"It's true, but I'm sorry I said that to you. Because I do like you. As it happens, I've always liked you, Eugenie. I just thought you'd find me ridiculous if you knew how much."

"Oh, come on." My senses were reeling. "When have I ever needed your help to find you ridiculous?"

He chuckled. "You make a good point."

"So kiss me again."

And he did. I wasn't used to Adrian doing what I told him, but I guess it was a special occasion. Or his pity for me was going to his head. In any case, he didn't stay careful long. He kissed me full and passionately on the lips, tasting my tongue with his, tangling his long fingers in my hair, tilting my head this way and that to suit his preference. And suddenly everything became too much. We were too much in public and wearing too many clothes. And, God, his kisses. Deep couldn't even begin to describe it. Drowning and desperate were more like it. Like he'd been told the world was ending and for some bizarre reason he'd decided I was the last thing he wanted to do.

I gasped, pulling away again. "And here I thought you were supposed to be a good boy."

He gazed down at me. With his hair mussed and his mouth red from kissing, and his eyes dark with passion, he looked very bad indeed. "And here I thought you were far too socially conscious to entertain that sort of sex negative stereotype."

I raised my eyebrows, impressed. "I am. I'm socially conscious as balls. I just meant this wasn't a side of you I ever thought I'd see."

"Well, you weren't meant to." His expression grew solemn again. "We agreed...I mean...what we're doing. It's not supposed to be..."

I wasn't sure what he was going to say next, but I knew I didn't want to hear it. Tomorrow we could go back to acting like this was nothing. But today...I don't know, I guess I was too tired for my own bullshit. I interlaced my fingers with his.

"Adrian, please. Let's stop pretending. You were amazing with my father yesterday and you were amazing today, coming to get me when I don't know how you knew I needed this. You've been amazing all along. I don't know what I've done to deserve it."

He was blushing even more deeply. "I've only done what we agreed to, Eugenie. That's all."

I shook my head slowly. "No, you've done much more than that. You've made me happier than, well, anybody. In a really long time. And I'm not trying to mess with what we've got or make you do anything you don't want to do. Only I..." I glanced at the open doors to the barn where I could see a few patrons were sitting at tables eating and a server was going from one to another, flitting like a busy bee, waiting on customers. The sun shone brightly overhead. And in my heart. "For this date, for this day, let's not pretend. I just kind of want this to feel real."