I hate drunk people. I guess I should stop going to the club then. But all the drinks are so addicting, especially because of my "condition." I suffer with something called "I like being drunk" so I can't stop. I love getting drunk off of bananas and toothpaste. I actually interviewed for the TLC show "My Strange Additiction," but the girl who swallows belly button lint beat me. I was really upset about it, although I can't remember it that well, I think I was drunk. Last time I was drunk, I woke up with a 1274.73 dollar charge on my credit card. I bought everything I saw an ad for, and now I have a closet full of random crap. Yknow what else is full of crap? Me. This alcohol is really affecting my liver, and my poo is just not coming out the way it used to, I don't know what to do. My doctor says it's my toxic boyfriend, but I think it might just be the alcohol. I was going to counseling for my "addiction," but I ran out of money from buying 30 bottles of champagne. Who knew alcohol costs so much? Am I right? Of course I'm right, I'm me. Sometimes I think about how there are more chickens on the planet than humans, that scares me. A lot. That kinda reminds me of the one vine, with the little girl who goes like "look at all those chickens," except they were all ducks, hehhe... Can you believe I got kicked out of the bar for trying to steal the strippers job? Rude. I'm incredibly hot, I should've had that job not him. I just can't bear the audacity right now. That rejection hit me pretty hard, so I decided that wasn't really happy, I needed to make some serious lifestyle changes. I honestly really hate myself right now, also I think my boyfriend just broke up with me, actually maybe I'm a lesbian. But maybe that's just because I made out with a woman I thought was a man. I loveeeeee men, but women are also like, really hottt. Men are way hotter though to be honest. But... I'm just saying that I would definitely date a woman. I just realized my mom isn't my mom, she's actually my dad and my dad is actually an alien that birthed me from his ear holes... I think I'm drunk again, but I'm gonna call that man-woman I made out with. Guess what, they're moving in tomorrow, we made out and decided it would be a great idea. While we were signing the papers for the home-sharing documents I realized that I never caught their name; when I peaked over their head to see what they signed their name as, I was SHOCKED. It turns out their also an alien just like my dad-mom, they have the same surname so I was able to recognize it. Whoooaaaaa plot twist, I'm actually a giraffe from Mars. We're actually moving to Jupiter now... wait isn't that one made of gas, hmm, noo. All of this craziness made me want to blink rapidly, so I did. I think I'm just gonna throw up in a dumpster now, hehe, giroldnsjavsjfhjdjzsbgajaj, that was gross. I should propose to zż¾ř&w+$a œőôĥ?ɓ cause she's sooooooo pretttyyyy. Preetty womeeennnn, hmm boobiesssss, aaaaaahhhhhhhh. I died. I'm guess I'm in hello now... woah, it's shaped like a peepee, Hehehehehehe.
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