Sabotage

Bathrooms

The past
17th November 2018

The room spins as i rack up the third line on my friends bathroom sink, i see her swaying out the corner of my eye and gripping onto the bathtub for some security. I hear her laughing to herself in the background but it all sounds like a blur.

The music playing downstairs is slowly travelling upstairs and getting louder, my head is pounding but i ignore it. There's a sharp pain slicing the side of my head but i assume it's just from being tired and running on no sleep.

"For fuck sake." I hear Sierra mutter, she sounds pissed but i can't find myself to care. "They are coming upstairs." She groans and runs her hand down her face. I ignore her and snort the short line. I lift my head and look towards the door that i've only now registered is shaking, the doorknob rattling intensely.

I quickly look at her, wanting to do something as the door continues to be almost kicked in. "Get the fuck out!" Her voice is hoarse from all the different combinations of drugs she's been putting into her body for the last few hours.

"Lewis!" I hear a voice on the other side of the locked door, a familiar one but my brain just isn't registering who it actually is.

I don't know anyone here other than Sierra though, when i left home a few days ago we decided to go to Croydon. I have no intentions of ever going back to Brighton.

I lean forward to grab the door handle, to make sure it definitely is locked and my friend pulls me back.

"Don't fucking open it." She growls whilst holding a tight grip on my shoulder that I shake off. She instantly backs her hand away knowing she went too far. She mutters a quick sorry while quickly looking back at the door.

"We are just taking a piss, we will be out in a few." she lies.

They have to know it's a lie too but they seem to walk away as the door stops shaking and i can hear footsteps slowly fade away over the heavy music. She rolls her eyes at that and sits down on the floor beside the toilet, i cringe at the bacteria but then i remember that we are literally snorting cocaine in the bathroom. Also was injecting some random shit into our arms just a few hours ago.

A few seconds pass and her eyes stop focusing on me and slowly roll to the back of her head, her whole body going limp as she slides lower into the floor.

I stare at her for a moment, wondering how we both got ourselves here. Me and Sierra have been best friends for the last two years. I've started to realise that maybe we aren't friends, just trauma bonded.

Two years ago we both lost one of our parents, mine being my dad in a motorcycle accident and her mom from a heart attack. After that we was pretty much inseparable, we felt like we was the only people who could understand each other and love each other.

We met when our school forced us to go to some sort of trauma group together for "misunderstood youths". Aka the ones who was on the verge of being kicked out of school. Neither of us wanted to go to the group where people sat in a circle and shared their son stories so we stopped going. Intentionally skipping the days that we knew the groups was on.

One or two days a week quickly turned into every single day.

Then we went through another thing together, that really pushed us over the edge. The beginning of the end.

Things turned into shit one night when hanging out with my on and off again boyfriend, Oliver. I was 13 and he was 18 when we first met. I'm currently trying to go no contact and not see him anymore but it's pretty much impossible, he always finds me.

Me and Sierra was hanging out at his place but he had some friends over and when he left to go pick up some more drugs. His friends showed their true colours.

Something changed that night and we both knew it, it wasn't just the finger prints on our skin and the way we limped whilst walking out. Something deep inside of us was broken now and wouldn't ever be the same, it was almost like we had a mutual understanding of that.

For days after me and Sierra didn't even talk, we didn't go back home we just stayed in some old abandoned house we had found months prior that we used as our smoke spot. We sat in silence and refused to acknowledge what happened to the both of us a few days ago. After that we really spiralled.

We planned to take what happened to us that night to the grave, but i was the first to try to tell someone.

My boyfriend.

I told him out of genuine fear that they would do the same to him eventually, who in return screamed at me until i finally broke down for the first time in front of him. I was told i was a cheater, a whore who was asking for it and that i deserved it.

Also the first time that he ever laid a hand on me. The first broken nose of many to come.