Deep stuff

1. Made by: hades.#0622 on Discord

Their socials are: hades.#0622 on Discord and hdzreal on Instagram

Troubled kids have troubled parents, but not all troubled parents have troubled kids. TW, MENTIONS OF SUICIDAL IDEATIONS, SUGGESTED ABUSE, SUGGESTED SELF HARM, (GENDER) DYSPHORIA, ETC. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN CAUTION.

 When you meet a kid my age, they may be "normal" under your standard. They have interests, they're hormonal, they're happy, they have love interests.. etcetera. Sometimes, different kids are still normal. They might look different, like if they have short hair, or they wear bright clothes. Some of them like hanging out in the library, others have big friend groups. Some are quiet, and others are loud. They're still normal. If they don't feel normal, that makes you wonder why. They have a happy life. They have friends, they're smart, they're themselves. But what about those other kids? Ones that get high honor roll, or that are on the school sports teams? Those that get high scores on standardized testing, those that are simply too drained for school. They're still normal kids, right? They have lives, they have variety. They exist. But in my life; I've grown to recognize those kids that feel a little too close to home. The ones that have panic attacks so bad they're nauseated and can't eat, the ones that pass every class by being the shining star and never seem to fall behind. I know the kids that try to enjoy life, escaping with things like sports. Escaping with literature. With music, videos, movies, art, school, maths, games, etcetera. I know the kids that can't go forward. I am those kids. I'm all of those kids. I was them. I know them. I am them. I know what it's like to cry to the point your head is throbbing and your stomach is in knots, and despite your friends telling you to go get water, you know you can't. You can't because fear overrides you and you're sure you'll get hurt. You want to throw up, but you can't. You can't let them know you're awake. I know what it's like to be able to pass every class and never fall behind, even if it was only elementary. Getting that diploma for reading a hundred and two books in a year, or passing with a bright A+. I know what it's like to be the one escaping. I know what it's like to try and enjoy the fact you're alive. That you're breathing, you're thinking, you're talking. I know what it's like to push yourself to your limit until you collapse at sports, to write until your hand hurts, to listen to music until you've gone through your 14 hours worth of music, to watch videos and movies until your device is dead, to draw until you're out of ideas, to laugh with your friends or talk with your teachers until you're drained, to learn new ways to do different problems until you've learnt them all, to play until that number shines brightly on your alarm clock, 2 am. I know what it's like to have to lock your door after you get water because you're so sure you'll get hurt. I know what it's like to fall behind and come crashing down like a forest fire, leaving your heavy mess of ashes and smoke behind. I know what it's like to realize you barely read anymore. I know what it's like to see that grim 52% on your final grade. Hell, I know what it's like to go as low as 8%. I know what it's like to collapse during sports and be forced to stop. I know what it's like to rip your notebook apart because you simply can't get the wording right. I know what it's like to lose your headphones. I know what it's like to run out of things to watch and getting frustrated because nothing will distract you. I know what it's like to burn drawings until your sketchbook sits on a shelf, collecting dust. I know what it's like to push your friends away until they yell at you. Until they force you to go to the counselor. I know what it's like to break down because your brain simply won't let you focus on the numbers upon you. I know what it's like to turn off your games because someone was rude, or because you don't have the energy.I know what it's like to force yourself to be normal. I know what it's like for others to tell you you're being dramatic or to stop complaining. I know what it's like for others to say you make this up as a personality trait. I know what it's like for others to tell you to shut up because it's not right to talk about it. I'm sorry I felt safe with you. I know what it's like to find those other kids and try to bond. I know what it's like to try to lift others up when you're stuck in a dark hole without an exit. I know. I know what it's like to be treated as if it's taboo. I know what it's like to be treated as if you're Taboo. But there is one thing I don't know. I don't know what it's like to be a child with troubled parents and a normal life. I'm so proud of you. I'm so glad to have a normal daughter. I don't know what it's like to have a normal family. "Go on, shoot yourself in front of her. She's your sister, after all." I don't know what it's like to have a head clear of the thoughts about leaving them behind, by taking that knife and letting it slice your skin. I could shoot my brains out. I could take one too many pills. I could starve myself. I could go missing. I don't know what it's like to have a head clear of those harmful thoughts whenever you see something. I could stab this needle into my eye. I could light this on fire and place my hand over it. I could throw boiling water on my stomach to feel that sting again. I don't know what it's like to be able to fit into my body. I don't like my chest. I don't like my waist. Why can't I look like a guy? I want to chop off my hair. Maybe if I can leave, I can get a binder. I don't know what it's like to live a normal life. I don't know what it's like to not be affected by my parents.