exanimate

𝖙𝖜𝖔

When Casper wakes up for the second time, his headache and fatigue have disappeared - he feels good as new. Except when he tries to sit up.

A broken scream forces its way out of his throat as he doubles over, and only then does he realize that his beautiful white bed (and it definitely is a bed, unimaginably soft, but still a bed) is stained red with blood, which is waterfalling out of his middle, dripping out of his shirt.

Casper lies back down, pressing his hands to his sternum, and almost as if by magic, the blood flow seems to lessen, slowing to an ocean of it and then a river and then just a trickle, until it closes up completely, leaving only bruised skin behind.

He can feel the bruises coating his body slowly disappear, and slowly but surely, all his injuries fade. Casper's just about to jump for joy when the world starts to spin, and all he can think as it does is Oh, not again.

It doesn't last long though, only a few seconds. and when the world settles again, Casper realizes it's not his dizziness - his world was actually spinning, because he's in an entirely different place.

The Lobby, reads a gold-plated sign hanging above the blood-red, velvet-carpeted room. It lives up to its name, because sure enough, there are people of all ages checking in - people as old as grandparents to small babies, carried in the arms of - angels?

Yes - they're angels, Casper realizes, as one of them turns her head to address her friend. They have normal voices, but they're almost musical, blending together like an orchestra. Instead of grating on his mind with their squeaks, their musical voices soothe him.

It's got to be magic, he thinks, and then does a double take because he does not - has never - believed in magic.

Somehow, though, this is perfectly clear - as clear as the fact that his skin isn't, he thinks dimly, remembering how Ryder used to kiss every inch of his face and whisper that he was beautiful and that hew as perfect no matter what. And then Casper bursts out laughing, ignoring the odd looks he's receiving, because something else is perfectly clear.

It's all adding up as the memories begin to resurface, taking a hold on Casper - everything but why he's here. He remembers everyone from his life, up until... up until he got to his first college class that morning.

There's one more thing - he remembers Ryder whispering that he loved him.

And then Casper left him.

He left the love of his fucking life with his battered, bruised, bleeding body after whispering that he loved him.

How could I do that?

How did I die?

Ryder's alone now.

I was picking out our goddamn wedding dates in my head.

I was planning the rest of my life with him.

We're never going to get married.

I'm never going to see him again.

No.

No.

This cannot be happening.

Please, don't do this. This is the worst kind of fucking karma. Please.

Casper is distantly aware of sinking to his knees, he can feel a horrible scream forcing its way out of his throat, tears streaming down his cheeks. He can feel the gazes of sympathy permeating the air, washing over him like a heavy cloud, and it only makes it worse, as all the memories of the life he lost flow over him. The sad, heavy memories almost feel more comforting than the beautiful ones, because it makes it easier for him to try and convince himself that life had nothing and that it was better now...

But as much as he tries, Casper can't pull back his destructive mindset from 15, only feeling his beautiful one at 26, the light in his life overpowering the dark shadows massively.

There's a gentle hand on his shoulder, and a distantly pretty looking angel. She's different than the others ones by far, though, because while the other figures are painfully graceful, she's far form it, awkwardly fluffing out her dress as she sits down next to him. Her shoulders brush the side of his cheek as she leans in.

"How did I get here?" he whispers up to her, but her head is already shaking side to side, eyes trying and failing to look hard. They're soft - almost as soft as Ryder's, and Casper has to stifle another sob, because this girl, who can't be more than 12 or 13 years old, looks exactly like him.

"Victoire?" he chokes out, and the girl laughs despite the lack of anything funny.

"Hi, Cas," says Ryder's little sister, and Casper's arms throw themselves around her, sobbing into her shoulder as quietly as he can manage, but when her soft fingers rub through his hair, the dam breaks and the tears flow out, coating her beautiful white gown-like thing with tears and snot.

She doesn't seem to care, though, only holding him tight as he falls apart, doing her very best to hold him together.

The two of them sit together like that for a very long time, curled on the carpeted floor of the lobby that leads to the place that Casper, eventually, has to check into.

When he enters, he'll leave his old life behind.

Completely.

It's over.

---

HI IM SORRY THIS IS LATEEEEEE

so i've kinda been dying the last few days im sick T-T

it's just like a common cough & cold but my throat hurts and i legit cannot breathe and the fact that it's allergy season (in the usa) doesn't help at all pfft (more T-T's)

so this is late (even more T-T's oh no)

but it's here now :)

enjoy !!

-sayu <3