Racing Thoughts

So, here it is, Min and Ryan out on the road, finally pursuing their lifelong dream of being musicians and performing. Of course, they still have a long way to go before they perform in New York City but, just touring and playing together felt nice, for both of them.

It was late at night, Ryan parked the van for tonight so the two were practicing. Everything was fine except for the way Min felt; he had this weird feeling that he couldn't quite explain. Ryan noticed that Min was zoning out.

"Min? Min!" Ryan shouted

"Huh?"

"You doing ok dude, you kinda zoned out there?" Ryan asked.

"Oh uh... yeah I'm fine, just feeling a little tired. I think I'm gonna turn in for the night." Min put down his mini synth. Ryan decided to turn it in too, it was late after all. Ryan turned off the lights in the van and headed to bed along with Min.

The next morning, Ryan got up a little early to drive him and Min to a nearby diner to get some breakfast. They arrived about an hour later, Ryan stepped out while Min was still sitting down in the van, zoning out like last night.

"Yo Min, ya coming?" Ryan asked.

"Oh! Yeah yeah, I'm coming!" Min said as he stepped out and walked beside Ryan.

"Hey, is everything ok Gi? You seem a little iffy."

"Uh... Yeah, just a little lightheaded that's all." Min half lied. The two headed into the diner and sat in a booth. Ryan looked at the menu.

"I heard the waffles here are good. Maybe we can both spilt the cinnamon swirl special." Ryan said to Min. Min wasn't really paying attention, he was looking down at his feet, his fists on his lap, anxiously bouncing his leg. Min was confused, why did he feel so jittery?

"Min, are you sure you're ok?" Ryan asked sounding very concerned. Min quickly looked up at Ryan and got out of the booth.

"Uh yeah, I just need... to... uh... bathroom!" Min said, sounding panicky.

He walked to the bathroom and closed the door. Min quickly turned on the faucet and splat water on his face, which was starting to heat up.

Ok Min Gi, you need to calm down. It's fine, everything is fine. Why are you worrying so much? You're here with Ryan and you're out here traveling the world, finally following your dreams and that's great. So, what are you worrying about? There's not to worry about, everything's fine.

All these thoughts raced around his head but, nothing was helping him calm down. His heart was pounding, his breath started to quicken, and his face felt way too hot. Min backed up against the bathroom wall, starting to hyperventilate. It hurt, it all hurt so bad. Why was this happening to him? Why was he so scared?

"Min?"

Min froze hearing Ryan call out his name. What was supposed to do? He could barely move. Ryan knocked on the outside of the bathroom door.

"Min, I'm getting worried about you. You don't sound good at all, I'm coming in, ok?" Ryan said firmly but caring. Ryan slowly opened the door and saw Min standing against the wall, his hand on his chest and his face was bright red. Ryan's heart broke in two seeing Min like this. Ryan slowly walked up to Min and ever so gently put his hand on Min's shoulder.

"Come on, let's get out of here" Ryan calmly said. The two both walk out of the bathroom, out of the diner, then back to the van. Ryan sat Min down on the mattress and then got on his knees to look Min in the eyes. He gently strokes his cheek.

"Min, it's gonna be ok. I know it doesn't feel like it right now but, I promise everything's gonna be fine. It's just the two of us, nothing's gonna hurt you, I promise." Ryan explained, attempting to calm Min down a bit, Min's breathing was slowing down though.

"Just try and focus on your breathing, ok?" Ryan said. Min started sobbing heavily, gasping between each pause

"How am I... supposed to... do that when... I... can't... even... catch... my... breath?" Min's chest tightened even harder. Ryan was getting really worried about Min having trouble breathing but, he had to stay calm for him.

"It's gonna be ok, just try to breathe along with me, can you do that for me, bud?" Ryan patiently waited for Min to respond. Min looked at Ryan with a panicked look in his eyes and let out a very shaky ok.

"Ok, now try to take a nice deep breath in..." Ryan instructed, taking a deep slow breath, Min took a shaky deep breath in too, trying his best to match Ryan's.

"Good, now deep breath out, nice and slowly." Ryan breathed out, Min later copied still very shaky.

"See, you're doing great, now let's do that a few more times." Ryan congratulated. The two took a few more deep breaths, Min was starting to feel less shaky with each breath they took.

"Ok, one more time, deep breath in..."

Min breathes in.

"Deep breath out."

Min breathes out.

Min started feeling a lot calmer after breathing with Ryan. His heart rate was almost back to a normal pace and the redness of his face had mostly faded away. Ryan stood up and walked to get a water bottle, which was in his backpack. He came back to hand it to Min.

"Here drink this, sorry it's not that cold." Min took the bottle and drank the water inside. Ryan then asked if Min was feeling any better.

"Yeah, thanks," Min said, slightly mumbling. Ryan put his hand on Min's shoulder again, rubbing it gently to provide some comfort. Ryan waited a few minutes before he finally asked Min.

"So, you wanna tell me why you had a panic attack? If you don't, that's perfectly fine I just wanna see if I can help." Ryan asked still rubbing Min's shoulder. Min hesitates for a moment.

"Well, I remember first feeling off when we were practicing last night and then this morning I had that feeling again but, stronger and it just kept on getting worse and worse until it just... burst out of me," Min explained. Ryan thought about what could've happened to trigger Min's panic attack. Then, he thought about Min saying he felt off when they were practicing.

"Min... does any of this have to do with the band and us performing?" Ryan asked. Suddenly, it hit Min, of course, why did he think of that? Min annoyedly signed and put his head down.

"Yeah, I guess I'm just really worried about us and everything that might happen," Min explained. Ryan looked at Min with a soft expression in his eyes. Min looked up at Ryan again.

"Oh Min, it's ok. It's understandable to be scared about this, heck I'm scared too, and remember there's no rush, we can go as slow as you want. It's like you said dude, you stuck with me so now you're stuck with me. I'm always here for ya, dude."

Min blushed at Ryan's last words.

"Oh, your face is getting red again, are you ok?" Ryan asked, noticing Min blushing. Min softly smiled.

"Yeah, I'm ok really," Min replied. Ryan then smiled back at Min and chuckled.

"Well, since you're feeling better we can go back inside and order. Of course, you want to stay in here for a bit longer, that's fine too." Ryan said.

"Yeah, I think I'll stay in here," Min replied.

"Sure thing big guy, stay in here as long as you'd like." Ryan gave Min a wink and then, went to the front of the van to give him some space.

Min took another deep breath. He's still unsure what's gonna happen but, as long as Ryan's with him well, that had just been ok.