I Believe

This I Believe

- what if i threw out there, that life is like walking through a rose garden?how we get pricked and scratched, just to see the beautiful roses..how sometimes we fall, and get hurt more than others..and when we fall, we laugh while getting back up.that's pain, and then it gets better after a while.we all believe in something,whether it's a motto we follow throughout life, or something we've grown to believe, or just because of life experiences ; we choose to follow along with our thoughts.i believe in healing,lately i've been through things that have tested my every positive side, i've argued with myself a lot about whether there is an end to the nonsense i have been given or if it is just a continuous wreckrecently i've been sent to live with my aunt and uncle because as my mom puts it, i've been irresponsible, and disrespectful,now, i'm not bashing on my mom or putting her out to be a horrible mother.there's just things that some parents do that they don't think about doing before they take the action.but they're our parents and when we are younger : our life depends on their actions and where they choose to push us.my whole life i've learned that all i can say that is acceptable is " i'm sorry"  , as my mom was putting me on the track that she thought i belonged to, she really wasn't making life easier..we all go through things in life, deaths, loss of friendships, as we get older; we lose our boyfriends or girlfriends, (which ever way we choose to go ) we learn who our real friends are in times of certain situations, and what doesn't make it better is that our teenage years are a mess, we have school to deal with. people who don't like us, we have to maintain our grades, just so we can graduate..and, if you think about it, when we are younger, we learn how to talk, how to move and how to think..and then as we get older and get into school, we have to learn more mathematics, and english, science maybe some other extra curricular classes like art or technology just so we can make it into adulthood to get a job and work for the rest of what feels like; our life, because money what seems is everything anymore and without a job, we are considered pretty much useless...but we are adults so our parents set us off on our own, they normally don't lend us money as much, tell us the answers to life issues; and how to resolve them..we are on our own, something we always wished we could do when we said we hated how our parents had rules. well, while we were in school learning subjects needed in order to have a career, our parents we're teaching us how to live, how to figure if our friends were really our friends or if they were just nosey people we thought we could trust, or they taught us how to keep ourselves safe in dangerous situations. they taught us the most important things in life. my mother and father got divorced when i was eight (8) and my brother had just turned three (3), i was in school..by this time i was already in my second school; my mom left my dad while he was at work and brought nothing with her but a duffel bag for the three (3) of us filled with clothing. my mom picked me up early that day out of school, and i knew they were eventually going to grow apart, they fought constantly. my parents have been divorced for six (6) years now, and let me tell you..bringing two bags to school some days from transporting to one house from the other was a mess. i had both of my parents for awhile, they got along well even though they didnt get along with each other married,  they sometimes seemed like best friends; confusing right? but as i grew older, i realized its not very easy to get along with my mom. eventually, my dad gave up trying to get along with her, and moved to Florida. now, neither am i bashing on my father; but he should've told his kids he was leaving the state instead of three months later. now in the time that he was gone, my mom had no one to yell at, or blame everything on..he was like her punching bag and when he left, it came to me. my mom always had something against my dad and i, which didn't quite make any sense, maybe how we were so alike that we argued with her to prove that we were right, or maybe it was just because she always gave my younger brother more attention and at times we got sick of it. eventually, my mom got mad at me for no reason and told me it was my fault. and to this day, i never understand what ever was my fault, since i'm living with my aunt and uncle now here in Carlisle, my mom threw me out of her life; and let me tell you...thats harsh, i've heard from people she has talked to that she wanted to "wash her hands of me", and hearing that damages me in ways you can not believe. but since i've been here, and since this is the now 5th school i've been to, in just eight (8) years from moving all over the place and having problems at school, i have probably had the best month and a half here, than i've had in my life. i'm not stating that i have the worst life ever, but it has been a harsh road for me. and when i tell you pain exists, i do know that it hurts, because we've all gone through something hard..but if we look back to the first time we've rode our bikes, and compare it to pain in our early lives. It's, in a way like in order to succeed at riding our bikes, we had to fall down, get cut, and bruised, cry every now and then; get frustrated, and totally freak out. while, later in life, we have to go through heartbreaking things, but getting the wind knocked out of us is the only way to remind our lungs how much they like the taste of air, and we learn that existing doesn't come easy unless we learn from what is given to us. and i have been struggling, but this school and my new home, practically a new life is something that has brought me to a better place than where i ever was in my life, and i know that eventually it won't hurt as much not being able to see my little brother everyday, and it won't hurt to sleep in another bed, in another room..i believe that it gets better, because i know it does..and i know that sometimes we feel as if it won't get better and we are stuck in this rut of feeling hopeless, but going through what i have, it eventually gets better and i'd be lying if i said it doesn't.