Open Book

Happy can be sad

AN: Ok so I'm sorry if anything offends you in this chapter in any way, I don't mean to offend anyone. This also goes for the previous chapters and any after this, thanks. Also I'm sorry if this chapter is too short, I did write this one faster; does that count for anything?

After waking up, going to school, and completely failing my math test, I get picked up from school early to go to horseback riding lessons. I have so many cuts and bruises and scrapes from being bucked off; I help train the horses that are still green. Whenever I fall off I get back up, no matter the pain. I brush myself off and get back on. I tell myself that if I was good enough I wouldn't fall off to begin with, that I deserve the pain from the fall as a punishment for falling in the first place. I know it's not true; nobody deserves pain, but subconsciously I believe it.

Lately I have really been noticing things; things about people and how they act around certain people, that kind of stuff. One thing that really hit me was that people are almost never feeling how they say they are feeling. Like if you ask your friend how they are doing and they say I'm good, or I'm fine, they probably never mean it.

You know those people who have the brightest smiles, who care the most, who really seem like happy souls? Almost all the people I know like that treat others so kindly so the other person doesn't have to feel the pain they are feeling. Some people feel like it's there job to protect the world and everyone in it, and sometimes they are devastated when something unplanned and uncalled for happens and they can't protect everyone. I know I probably sound like one of those cliché pictures about how things are going to be ok or whatever, but I really mean it. That kid that puts everyone first is probably the kid who is thought of last with their friends or at home, the last one to be cared for. They don't want anybody to feel the way they do cause it feels horrible and they don't want anyone to feel that pain, so they do everything they can to do what they want done for them. That kid that laughs and jokes and smiles like crazy? They probably have some kind of insecurity about themselves, they might poke fun at themselves so others don't have to, so the other kids are laughing at what they said about themselves and not at something one of them said about that kid. Or maybe they are scared of what everyone would think if they found out how unstable they really are so the best way they can think of to hide it all is to joke around and poke fun at themselves. How about the kid who everyone thinks is the smartest and knows everything, chances are, that kid is pressured at home to do good, to be the best they can be and nothing less than that is acceptable. They have no idea if the kid who just asked them for help with their homework has any kind of problems, and they want to help them cause they know how hard it can be to get the top marks in school; or maybe not and all their family says is how they could have as should have done better.

You might not want to admit it that there are those kids at your school, or maybe you are one, but honestly, sometimes the happiest people are the saddest. Just because someone says they are ok, or they are fine doesn't always mean they are. Anybody can put a smile on their face just to make someone else happy. I would know, it's how I am, I don't want anybody I care about to be hurt by me feeling upset, so I block out a lot of people. I guess that's why I don't have many friends.