Pulled From The Grey | Noah Sebastian |

17: What It Cost

We sat in silence, the only sound filling the inside of the cab being the rain pelting against it. The weather was atrocious; the droplets were falling so viciously, someone could've dumped a whole bag of change on the roof of my car and it would sound the exact same. With my head resting on the headrest, tilted towards the window, I watched the beads of rain roll down the glass, mimicking me. I sniffled, wiping the tears from under my eyes, then ran my nose against the back of my hand.

I watched the guys run by us one by one, covering their heads with their backpacks—Jolly halting momentarily to wave at Noah, telling him to get a move on. I sighed, planting my forehead on the steering wheel as I wrenched my eyes shut. Tears silently rolled down my cheeks as Noah placed his hand on my thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze. I lift my head to look at him, holding my breath to stifle the cry I so desperately wanted to let out.

The inner corners of his eyebrows were lifted, cinched together as he gazed at me remorsefully, his lips pressed together in a frown. "You're gonna be okay," he breaks the silence. "I know you are, Liv. You're stronger than you think."
I swallowed harshly and shook my head 'no', unable to say anything as I knew I'd break down and cry the second I would try to.
"You are," he whispers, leaning over to rest a hand on my cheek.
My lips trembled as I took an uneasy breath through my nose. All I could do was look into his dark eyes; there was no sun to enhance the true beauty of them, hidden behind a blanket of clouds. Yet he still looked at me with adoration regardless of the gloominess that hung around us.

He trails his thumb over the apple of my cheek, "Don't look at me like that."
"Like what?" I managed to say through a tight throat.
"Like I'm never coming back. You know I'll be back—you think I can stay away from you?" he smirks.
I let out a tiny laugh and blink, fresh tears spilling from my eyes. "I know," I clear my throat. "I don't know why this is so hard for me." I avert my attention to my hands, anxiously picking at the skin around my nails.

He wraps his right hand around both of mine, giving them a squeeze—his hand was so large, it easily engulfed them. The warmth that radiated from his palm was soothing, seeming to thaw out my shivering hands. I stare at the goat on the back of his hand, taking in the red patch that protruded from its snout and up his wrist, smiling sadly to myself as the memory of seeing color for the first time comes to mind. I had been so baffled, so astonished at the time, but now it was a sense of security for me.

"It's okay to be sad, Liv. I'm gonna be sad at times, too, you know," he chuckles, breaking me from my trance.
I nod, bringing my gaze back to him. "I'm just worried about fucking up. This is the first time since I started working on my sobriety that you won't physically be here if shit gets bad."
"I'm just a phone call away; you can FaceTime me if you need to. You can do this, Olivia, I know you can. You know you can. How many days has it been?"
"54," I answer meekly.
He gives my hands another squeeze. "Fifty-fucking-four, Olivia. That is incredible. You are incredible."
I closed my eyes and shook my head, finally breaking, and cried. I would be incredible if I didn't have an alcohol problem. I would be incredible if I could look at a drink and not have to tell myself over and over again that I didn't need it. I would be incredible if I could look at it and tell myself truthfully that I didn't want it.

"We're doing this the hard way, aren't we?" he asks rhetorically.
I opened my eyes to see him open his door and clamber out of his seat, promptly shutting the door and walking away from my car. I dropped my head, letting out a sob, feeling my heart sink as he left me alone in the pouring rain.

I jumped when my door opened from the outside, startling me. Noah holds his hands out to me, and I instinctively take them in my own. He gently guides me out of my seat, then plants his hands on my hips and hoists me up effortlessly against his chest. My legs immediately wrapped around his waist, crossing at the ankles behind him with my arms around his neck to hold myself up. "Noah, it's pouring out, what are you—"
"Shh," he interrupts me, "just roll with it."
"Seriously, we're getting soaked. We'll get sick if we stay like this any longer," I insisted, hoping he'd have the common sense to get us out of the rain.
"I don't really care," he laughs, "I care about you being in a good headspace before I go. I'll hold you like this, in the pouring rain for hours if I have to, just to make sure you're alright before I leave."
I shake my head in disbelief, a grin forming on my face as I see the sincerity in his eyes. "Noah Sebastian, you are too much," I say with a chuckle.
"Nothing is ever too much for you, Liv."