Keep Partying

Sometimes I Wonder

*'Valentinos POV'*

I woke up to my ass hurting, my throat dry, and my legs sticky. I'm gonna kick a wall and someone's nuts for this. Other than being unbelievably uncomfortable I had a weight on my chest that did not feel like my own. True I had a couple drinks last night, true I had played spin the bottle, and true I had slept with a man. WAIT! REWIND WTF? Omg-... I slept with a man. That is not how I wanted to start my morning or whatever the hell time it was. Mum's gonna be so disappointed that I wasn't married when I got it up the ass. She doesn't have to know if I don't tell her, ah whatever she'll figure out even if I killed the dude.
          Speaking of which who is this man seemingly trying to suffocate himself by sleeping face down into the pillow and doing a T-pose in the bed? Should I just press his face down harder into the pillow to kill him? No, I don't have my rubber gloves with me, are there any in the house? Well at least I can hope he's dead. Ew no I don't want a dead man touching my man boobs. Careful with the merchandise dead man. I don't care if you're alive or dead, actually I do care but you get the point, but I will sue you if my merchandise is broken in any way, shape, or form.
          Slowly I got up from the bed trying to not wake him up cause I didn't want to have any consequences for my actions, y'know like a normal person, yeah, cause I'm totally normal. Sadly I am not one with the shadows and I felt his arm tighten around my beautiful, amazing, lustful merchandise and drag me back into the bed and into his arms without even a word. I am totally kicking his nuts. "Let me go before I bite your pinky fingers off and sue you for touching the merchandise." I glared at his close-eyed figure. A "mh" was all I got for my efforts at not killing him.
          So, like any sane person, I grabbed his hand and starting gnawing on his pinky fingers, like a warned him I would. He shot up after a few good bites, yanking his hand away. "OW! You pit bull!" He, very loudly, complained. "I don't know why that's an insult, pit bulls are cute land seals, so suck it dead man." I stated. He looked at me bewildered. "That's a good look on yourself, makes you look as dumb as you are." I smiled at him. "You, are not as charming as you were last night." He said rearranging his face. "I also wouldn't have done that, that hand was in your ass last night." He smirked at me. "Well at least I know I taste good." I smirked right back. I wasn't smirking on the inside, no I was not. I felt like I was gonna barf. I really wanted to, I really did but my need to wipe that smirk off his face far out weighed away disgust on my face.
          Once again that dumb look on his face returned better than ever, making my smirk turn into a grin. "You're a Psychopath." He commented rubbing his non-ass hand on his face and sighing into it. "I just fucked a psychopath. Can I put that on my resume?" He wondered to himself. "I dunno what type of job you trying to get?" I questioned back, still very much wanted to brush my teeth with bleach. "Well y'know I was hoping to get a job fucking this one psychopath who at first was really hot but now that I know he's a psychopath he's kinda a 4/10 to be honest." He joked. "Well I can't give you the job cause I've got another toy looking to fill that position, that toy being my dildo. So I think I'm gonna have to decline." I said, still smiling and pulling on my clothes before walking to the window and jumping out.

A/N: don't ask me how he jumping out a 2 story building. I don't know.