Ship: Jaeyong
Genre: Angst ツ
Tw: Suicide
I loved him. So much. He was everything to me. He was my life. My death. My night. My day. My happiness. My sadness. Everything he could possibly be he was.
I loved him with everything I had but it wasn't the same. I knew he loved me too. Just in a different way. I loved him like a lover, he loved me like a brother. It wasn't the same and I knew it. But what did you want me to do? I was so deeply in love. Nothing else mattered to me but him.
It wasn't until he met him that I realized he didn't love me like I thought he did. Him. The one that stole Jaehyun from me. The one that took my life away. Wasn't that just great. When I thought we were getting somewhere it all disappeared.
I only wish he had told me he didn't feel the same. I wish he would've stayed with me. But things don't happen that way. I wish I was a princess and him my prince. Maybe he could rescue me from my tower. Slay the evil dragon. And live happily ever after.
But I didn't know I would be crying myself to sleep every night. I thought we would have a future together. Not a future where he has someone else. If only it could've been us two. If only he felt the same way. If only I was him.
But I need to let him go. He isn't mine. Never has. Never will. I'll never get to wake up to his beautiful face. I'll never go to sleep knowing he's mine. I'll have to go to sleep wishing my dreams were a reality. But alas they will always be a fairytale. Never to come true.
Today I will tell him everything. I will tell him how I've felt for the past 13 years. I will tell him all my dreams. I will tell him what I wish would've happened.
How could I be so stupid. So blind. I had been in love with him for so long. But now he's gone. And I have no way of telling him. I didn't stop him. He told me how he felt. He cried in my arms. But I couldn't do anything. I just watched. I watched as he crumbled down and cried. How he broke right in front of me.
I wish I would've stopped him. He kissed me and then left. It was such a sweet and tender kiss. But all I could do was stand there. I wish I would've kissed back. I wish I did something. Anything. But no. I just stood there.
I'm sorry taeyong. It's been 2 years since you left. I broke up with him. It wasn't the same after you left. I couldn't take it anymore. I decided I wouldn't love anyone until you came back.
It's been a couple months. Where are you taeyong? I miss you please come back.
Taeyong it's been 3 years please come home. I miss you so much. I can't take it anymore.
I called your mom today. She said she didn't know where you were. You didn't even tell your mom? I didn't think I hurt you that bad.
Baby please come home I can't handle this. Please answer your phone.
You came back today. But not alone. Who is he? Why were you kissing and holding his hand? Is he your boyfriend? Did you move on already?
I'm sorry tae. I'm leaving too. You wont even talk to me. I realized that you didn't love me anymore. I guess you moved on. But I didn't.
I looked at the bottle of pills in my cabinet. I had so many thoughts run through my head. But in the end I made up my mind. If I wasn't with you I had no point.
I took about 7. Maybe I'll die. Maybe I won't. Who knows? But I hope it all ends. Thank you for the 18 years we knew each other. I love you.
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