harry potter Crack Book

incorrect quotes #1

Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent.
Pansy : I choose to waive that right!
Pansy : *screaming*

Hermione : So, did everyone learn their lesson?
Blaise : No.
Neville : I did not.
Harry : I may have actually forgotten one.
Pansy : Also no.
Hermione : Oh good, neither did I.
Draco: *Exhausted sigh*

Ron: Do dragons fart fire?
Harry : I don't know.
Ron: I thought you went to college.

Blaise : This is horrible! This is the most humiliating thing to ever happen to me!
Draco : Oh-? Even more humiliating than-
Blaise : We are not doing this!

*The Squad is playing wizard Chess*
Ron: *easily beats everyone because they know how to play*
Draco : *doesn’t know the rules, but wins anyway*
Luna : *doesn’t know the rules, and loses*
Hermione: *knows the rules, but still loses to those who don’t*
Blaise : Actually, you can’t do that, because I said so.
Neville : They named a board game after cheese?

Neville : What's the worst thing you guys have done?
Ginny : pranked professor snape in 4th grade.
Harry: I kicked Hermione in the shin-
Hermione: -So I kicked Harry between the legs.
Pansy : I burned a town down.
Neville : What?!
Hermione: What the hell is wrong with you?!?
Pansy : A lot of things.
Harry: No shit.

Pansy: Is it just me or is instant ramen even better uncooked?
Harry : It’s just you.

Luna: WHY DID YOU KILL HIM?! HE COULD HAVE HAD HOPES AND DREAMS, HE COULD HAVE HAD A FAMILY!!!
Draco: Luna-
Draco: It- it was just an ant-

Draco: I write how I think.
Ginny: Odd that you type at all then.

Harry : Ron, no.
Ron: Ron, yes.

Neville : Heyyy Harry , how’s your… drink??
Harry : What do you mean drink? It’s coffee.
Neville : You sure?? *Looks to coffee maker*
Harry : *Looks to coffee maker*
*Cement sitting beside the coffee maker*
Harry :...I’m on my third fucking drink right now, I should be dead.

Blaise : Start talking!
Ron: Well, I-
Blaise : Shut up!

Draco: Why are you on fire?
Pansy: This is just how my day is going.

Hermione: Ron! I thought you were dead!
Ron: No, just in deep cover.
Hermione: ...But it was an open casket.
Ron: It was very deep.

Harry : Why does Ron always do the laundry so loudly?
Ginny: So everyone knows that no one helps him out in the house.
Ron, in the distance: *slams the washing machine shut*

Ginny: Throw lamps at people who need to lighten up, and throw handles at someone who needs to get a grip!
Ron: Throw a refrigerator at someone who needs to chill!
Draco: Throw scissors at someone who needs to cut it out!
Harry : Throw a clock at someone who needs to get with the times!
Neville : Throw matches at someone who needs to get fired up!
Blaise : Throw a brick at someone to kill them.

Harry : Nothing in life is free.
Pansy: Love is free.
Blaise : Knowledge is free.
Hermione: Friendship is free.
Ron: Self-respect is free.
Ginny: Everything's free if you don't pay for it.
The Squad: ...
Blaise : Ginny, that's illegal-
Harry : No, let her finish!

Ginny: Harry  is too tall for me to kiss them on the lips. What should I do?
Blaise : Punch them in the stomach. Then, when they double over in pain, kiss them.
Luna: Tackle them!
Cho: Dump them.
Pansy: Kick them in the shin!
Harry : No to all of those! Just ask me to lean down!!

Ron: What's worse than a heartbreak?
Hermione: Waking up in the morning and your phone wasn't charging.
Pansy: Waking up in the morning.
Luna: Waking up.
Draco: Waking up in the morning...
Draco: And seeing Harry .
Harry : Hey! Rude!!

*when a child starts crying in public*
Ron: *tries to make the child laugh*
Hermione: *tries to play a game with the child to make them calm down*
Neville: *gives detailed instructions to the parents*
Harry : *cries with the child*
Luna: *ignores the child*
Draco: *is the reason why the child is crying*

Pansy: The floor is lava!
Luna: *helps Ginny onto the counter*
Hermione: *kicks Ron off the sofa*
Harry : *lays on the floor*
Pansy: ...Are you okay?
Harry : No.

Ginny: She was poetry, but he couldn't read.
Harry : His name was Jared he's 19.
Neville : When his parents built a very strange machine.
Pansy, singing: Watch that scene, digging the dancing queen.
Draco, singing: Eyyyy, Macarena!
Hermione: Horrible job everyone.

Draco : Real life should have a fucking search function, or something.
Draco : I need my socks.

Ginny: I want to kiss you.
Harry, not paying attention: What?
Ginny: I said if you die, I wont miss you.

Harry: *seductively takes off glasses*
Harry: Wow...
Ginny: *blushes* Haha... what?
Harry: You're really fucking blurry.

Hermione: *sees Harry  and Ginny together*
Hermione: They're cute. I would put them on a boat.
Ron: You mean... you ship them?

Ron: I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you...
Hermione : Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me, and no take backs, honey.

Ron: The stars are so beautiful...
Hermione : They're just giant balls of gas.
Ron: You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then-
Hermione : And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you.
Ron: Oh...

Harry: I didn't drink that much last night.
Ron: You were flirting with Ginny.
Harry: So what? She's my partner.
Ron: You asked if she were single.
Ron: And then you cried when she said she weren't.

Harry: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?
Ginny: Peonies, why?
Harry:
Ginny: Were you going to get me flowers?
Harry:
Ginny:
Harry: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ