Saving Nicole

1.3 - the letter

By the time I got home on Wednesday, I was tired enough just to climb straight into bed when I got home. I had had a class of year eights last class, and they had eaten way too much sugar or something and they would not shut up.

I had to raise my voice at least five times, and had given Harley, Jai, and Rebecca detention. I mean, there's a difference between talking too much, and talking back because they were being just plain rude. By half way through the class, I'd had enough of them so I gave them detentions. Looking back now it seemed a bit harsh, but... Grace, I don't think it was too harsh, I told myself. Rebecca even called you a shithead. I didn't realise that year sevens used that kind of language, I thought they were still all innocent and sweet. Ahaha, no.

The only thing, well, person, that stopped me getting straight into bed was Sean. He'd run a bath for us and there was even rose petals floating in the water. A bit too cliché for my liking, but sweet of him all the same.

"I haven't even shaved my legs," I moaned at him.

"I don't care, baby. Please?" He did his puppy dog eyes, and I tried to turn away, but he picked me up and sat me down on the bed. I'm much too tiny to struggle if anyone picks me up or drags me anywhere or fights me. Sean is kind of muscly, so if he picks me up, I just have to give up and let him pick me up and put me wherever. I'm short, I have hardly any muscles or fat, and my body frame is tiny. I can buy children's clothes, if I fancy.

I quickly undressed, and got into the warm water filled with lovely smelling bath salts and rose petals. I swished some of the petals around, whilst I watched Sean get undressed. Mmmm, abs. He slowly submerged himself in the water.

I'm sure he was planning on the night being sexy, but I wasn't really in the mood, so we ended up just talking about our day, and I can't say I remembered a whole lot after that.

Sean filled in my memory gaps for me when I woke up the next morning: I'm so boring that I fell asleep in the bath!

"You're lucky that you're light," he told me. "Because otherwise you'd of waken up in the bathtub." That earned him a punch in the arm.

Sean went down to make breakfast whilst I quickly got dressed for work. I was planning on wearing the navy blazer that I'd found in mums wardrobe, however I'd just noticed a huge stain on the front. I made a mental note to call her and ask if she'd tried to clean it, or if I should have a go. Maybe I'd just take it to the dry cleaners and let them deal with it.

Finally deciding on a long pastel green maxi skirt and a baggy white jumper, I went downstairs. When Sean noticed me standing behind him, he quickly hung up the call he was taking, and shoved his phone in his pocket.

He looked guilty.

"What?" I asked with a sigh. I would not be impressed if he was going to tell me that he wants to change the menu for our engagement party. It was on Friday night; tomorrow! Much too late to change.

"I don't think we should get married."

What?

After a moment when he hadn't replied, I realised that I forgot to actually say it out loud. "What?"

"I don't think we should get married," he repeated.

"I heard you the first time. What the actual fuck, Sean?"

"Look. I'm just not sure it's working out. Please don't be mad?"

Work. I had to get to work. I couldn't stand being here any longer. "I'm- I'm not mad. I can't force you to marry me. But, but... You were the one who proposed to me!" I screamed the last part, the tears coming fast and steady while I beated my fists against his chest. I wanted him to feel it, so I could at least know he could feel. He looked like this whole thing wasn't affecting him in the slightest. I was too small and weak against him to inflict any real pain, though.

"It's not you, it's me," he said. It didn't sound like him saying it, it sounded like he'd heard it in a movie, and he was just repeating it, without knowing the real reason for saying it.

"Oh, as if," I scoffed at him, as I slammed the door. The fact that he couldn't even come up with a better reason than it's not you, it's me, made it hurt all the more.

I returned home about ten hours later, nursing a soon-to-be hangover, a raging headache, and a broken soul. The movies and books say that it's your heart that breaks, but I feel like Sean had taken the rest of me, too.

There was a letter pinned to the door. I sat down on the footpath, the bottom of maxi skirt in a puddle. I laughed out loud at that, which scored me a peculiar stare from a dog walker. The maxi skirt. When I'd put it on this morning, I hadn't a care in the world. Idiot. Should of cared.

Dear Grace,

Look, I panicked. I'm sorry. I know sorry isn't enough, but I don't know what else to say.

I realise that I was a huge dick about the whole thing, even using the it's not you, it's me excuse. It wasn't my finest moment.

"Damn right it wasn't," I said out loud.

I can promise you that I'm not having an affair; I'd like to think I still have some morals. I'm just not ready to settle down. I'm starting to think I never will be. When I was in university, a few of my friends got married and I was starting to think that I'd never be able to do that. So I settled for something that wasn't perfect. I didn't settle for you Grace, you are perfect. No one could settle for you, anyone would be lucky to have you. It's the 'marriage' part that isn't perfect, for me, anyway.
But you and I, Grace, we want different things out of life. I'm not even sure we could manage a compromise- we're just too different.
Yet they say opposites attract.

Goodbye, Grace.
Yours forever, Sean.

Had I not of been drunk, I might of cried. I might of screwed the letter up into a tight ball, and gone inside and ate ice cream out of the carton, whilst watching endless chick flicks.

I didn't do any of those things.

I folded the letter back up, and sat on the curb for a while, not thinking about anything. Just existing, nothing more.

I thought about his letter. "Fair enough," I said after a while.

I never heard from Sean again.

Authors note:

Hello!

It's nearly been a week since the last update, sorry! I don't have any kind of 'updating schedule' for Saving Grace, and I don't plan on it, either. The main story I'm working on at the moment is Chasing Mila, this is just the story I'm working on in between, if I have writers block with Chasing Mila or if I just want a break from CM.
I'm so busy this weekend, with exams to study for, sleep to catch up on, and a photoshoot for my blog that I'm doing tomorrow. I'll update when I can, hopefully in a few days or so? We'll see.

Much love,
Ella x