His to Keep (Carmel Springs Book 4)

Chapter 6

Layne~

My heart was beating in my chest because I knew that me being here was going to change everything. I'd sworn that I wasn't going to let Carmel Springs suck me back in, but it wasn't Carmel Springs that was doing anything. Carmel Springs was just a place; it wasn't magic. It was the people in the town that mattered, not the place.

It was also funny how I hadn't been thinking about Jax after Zale had left the store earlier, but his mother. I'd been thinking about how Nadine Colter had gotten sick, but had been lucky enough to have her entire family see her through her final days. While Mom's illness wasn't fatal, did I want to be somewhere else if it got worse? Did I want to miss the remaining good years that she had left? Did I want to come visit one day to discover that my father had aged way beyond his years?

For the past eight years of my life, I'd done exactly what I wanted to. I'd gotten out of Carmel Springs, had gone to college, had graduated with my degree, had gotten a good job, then had fulfilled my dreams of traveling all over the place. My works and pictures were in print for all time, and I was proud of it all. Plus, like Zale had so sweetly pointed out, I could still fly out of Glendale for work.

I raised my fist, let out a shaky breath, then knocked on the door. Even if Stone Media couldn't work with me remotely, there were still plenty of news outlets in the neighboring big cities that I could work for. I could even bring big news to Carmel Springs if the local paper was willing.

All thoughts of my monetary future vanished when Jax's front door swung open. The surprised look on his face didn't feel inviting, but once the shock wore off, the man reached out, grabbed the front of my shirt, then yanked me inside his condo.

Before I could say anything, Jax was apologizing. "I'm sorry. I was a complete dick last night, and it was unfair for me to expect anything serious from you. You made me no promises, not now and not back in high school, and I'm not asking for any anymore." My stomach dipped with the rejection. "It's not your problem that I fell in love with you back in high school or that I still love you. Therefore, last night, today, tomorrow...none of it is your responsibility, Layne."

Staring into his honest hazel eyes, I asked, "Why didn't you say anything back then? Why did you say goodbye like it was no big deal?"

"Because your happiness was more important than mine," he answered candidly, but it wasn't anything that Zale hadn't already told me. "Because that's what love is, Layne. Now, while some people might say that sacrifice is a form of love, it didn't feel like a sacrifice at the time. Sacrifice implies that I reluctantly let you go, but I didn't. While it had been painful to let you go, it had also been easy. Do you know why?" I shook my head. "Every time that I would ask you to name something that you loved, my name wasn't in any of your answers."

Tears gathered in my eyes. "Jax...you-"

"And it's okay," he quickly went on. "My life is good, Layne. I also got to do what I wanted. I'd also gotten out of life what I'd wanted. With the exception of losing my mother, I'm good. I will always be good." He stepped closer to me, then took my face in his hands. "Life is too short for people not to choose happiness if they can help it." His thumb ran across my lower lip. "I suspect that I will always love you, Layne. Still, it's not anything that you need to feel guilty about. It's not anything that you need to take responsibility for. I'm not going to be lonely or miserable for the rest of my life because you're not in it." He was pretty much echoing the same thing that Zale had told me, but something felt...off.

Taking in a deep breath, I asked, "Are you lying?"

A small smiled played on his lips. "Only about the last part."

"Jax?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"You never asked me who I loved," I told him. "You always just asked me what it was that I loved about life."