Rebellion

4

Cole

Clem went back to bed once we returned to the dorm. She was exhausted after the last few days. JJ promised to stay in the room so I could go out for a bit since Leo and Jackson were both passed out cold. It leaves me alone with my thoughts and that's not something I really want right now. Too many pressures eating away at me. The only person not pushing me to do anything is Clementine. Austin's right in that she doesn't understand what losing one's pack really means. It's a blessing and curse. If she truly understood...I shake my head, not wanting to let my thoughts lead me down the rabbit hole.

Why is everyone so determined to make me their pack leader? Sure, here at school, that's one thing, but an Alpha of a real pack? I don't want that. Never did. My father has pushed me since I was a child to take up the mantle of pack leader, but I don't want to do it. I just want to live my life in peace and not worry about politics. I want to teach, maybe set some kid on the right path when I see how he or she is struggling with whatever is going on in their life. Have a few kids of my own and be happy with my mate. Is that really too much to ask for?

According to everyone around me, it fucking is too much to ask for. Maybe I can convince Clem to run away with me, far away from all of this shit. Maybe go to Europe or something where we can both escape our pasts and just be us. I dismiss that thought as soon as it appears. Jackson and Leo would follow me and I will not screw up their futures just because my life is a mess.

And I'm only left with one real option—football. I'm exceptionally good at it, but I never saw the sport as the end game for me. But now, that seems to be the only choice left. Especially with no pack behind me. It will give me the money to take care of Clem and any pups we have down the line.

If I do what everyone wants me to do—start my own pack—then it could interfere with football. I'm not sure I'd have time to go pro if I had to constantly deal with a pack and all its needs. I have Clem to think of now. Starting a pack would definitely impact our future.

But do I really want my kids to grow up without the stability of a pack behind them? If I don't become a pack alpha, then that's what happens. Sure, I could come here and they could secretly be part of the local pack who doesn't care who mates who, but it would mean hiding for the rest of their lives, outcasts from everyone outside of the confines of Jacob's Fork. Could I really do that to them?

If I'd grown up like that, I wouldn't be the man I am today. I had a pack behind me, a family that loved me, and friends that looked out for me. How can I take that away from any kids we might have. There are times I would have been lost without my pack.

I can't go back to my father's pack. They'd demand I walk away from Clem. I could stay here, but I'd be hiding. What choice is left then?

The one I don't want.

But its the only one left to me.

Sighing, I lean against the tree and breathe in the scent of the woods around me, let the feel of them soak into my bones. Shifting and running would make me feel less stressed, but I don't have time for that right now. I have too much to do. But my feet remain planted where they are instead of moving. I don't want to go and start making plans, making decisions, and putting them into action.

But I have to.

Pushing off the tree, I head back to campus and then to the athletics center where I know Coach will be. I need his help.

The athletics center is the pride and joy of the university. It's a six story building with an extra large basement for storage. The ground floor is holds the receptionist desk, several conference rooms, and a kitchen that serves three meals a day just for the athletes. We don't have to pay for the meals either. The school wants us to eat healthy meals to keep our diet within regulations. Several of the guys who use the center can't afford to eat otherwise. The school takes care of its own.