Ephemeral | C.L.

ephemeral. (6//)

A car spinning rapidly. Fire. Pieces of carbon fiber scattered on asphalt. Smoke. Fire. Red flags. Safety car lights.

Fire.

The ephemeral images haunted Charles' mind. From daybreak to sunset his mind was plagued. It was only yesterday when he had visited the hospital - seen that Evan was alive - and felt relief. Why, then, was he still terrified like in that moment on the track?

Everything felt too much and too little. Charles tried to grasp at the pictures in his head but they danced around just out of his reach.

Charles woke up in a cold sweat. He tossed and turned in his bed restlessly, trying to escape his own mind. His heart pounded so loudly it was the only noise - accompanied by heavy breathing - in the silent early morning.

None of it was real. He had been dreaming. Having a nightmare, more like.

Charles reached for his nightstand, grasping his phone with an unsteady hand. Fingers working on their own, dialing the familiar contact, as they had done a thousand times before. Charles was nearly crying from the desperation for an answer. The phone's beeps were too loud. His heartbeat was too loud. The world around him was too quiet. Why was Evan not picking up?

"Hello?"

It was as if he had been pulled into the light from the deep darkness by that voice. That voice he had feared not hearing ever again.

"Charles, it's four in the morning", Evan said, his tone not scolding or irritated but concerned, "Why are you calling?"

"I-" Charles sighed deeply. "I needed to hear your voice."

"Needed to know I'm still here?"

Charles' breath hitched in his throat. His voice cracked slightly when he responded, like he was fighting back tears.

"Yes."

Evan sighed, and in his mind Charles could almost see him running his hands through his hair as he always did.

"I'm here", the response came, voice soft and tired, "I'm alright, I'm alive."

"And I will continue to be alright", Evan continued, "I know it would be too much to ask to tell you not to worry."

"But please try to- try to take care of yourself too. Okay?"

"Okay." Charles responded, though he knew keeping that promise would be hard. With the beginning of summer break he would have time to rest, if only his restless thoughts would allow him to.

"You should come to Monaco with me. When you can travel", Charles continued after a moment. The idea had crossed his mind a few times throughout the weekend, even before the accident. First it had merely been a lighthearted idea of spending time together on their break. Now, Charles needed to have Evan with him. Maybe then his mind would be at rest.

"Sure", Evan replied, mostly just trying to get Charles to go back to sleep. He wasn't opposed to the idea, though, as he knew recovering from the injury alone would be awful.

"I should let you sleep", Charles muttered, slightly ashamed of waking Evan up before the crack of dawn. "I'm just glad you're okay."

"I'm okay. But I need you to be okay too."

"I will try. I promise."

"Good. Love you, goodnight."

Charles paused for what he hoped was not a noticeable moment. The way Evan had said it so casually, like it was just words, made him do a double take. Sure, it didn't have to mean anything. But Evan had never said it before. Never.

"Goodnight", Charles responded.

"Love you too."