♡

July of 2018. The day she left her home to go to another. It was supposed to be only for the summer, but little does she know she will be there for another 2 years.

~~~~~~~~~~

The start of summer was fun. Considering pools and barbeques were always enforced, any 8 year old would be invested. But then that fun would come to and end when she realized she wasn't going back home to Tampa, in Florida. All her friends, lost again because someone decided to move. This would be her 3rd elementary school, and she's only going to the 3rd grade. On top of all that stress, she found out her very own parents are breaking up and splitting ways. Poor girl.

But nothing was as bad as what had started in September of 2019.

This girl, now 9, went to cabins in Tennessee to celebrate her younger brothers birthday! He was turning 8. It was also a family reunion, so that's always fun. But something happened on the last night of the trip.

Something was touching her.
She didn't like it. At first, she thought it was one of her brothers rubbing against her, since they had to sleep together. But the touch was consistent. It was around her thigh area, so it was awkward for her. But it wouldn't stop, so she didn't resist.

Back "home" they went, to Loganville, Georgia. On that Monday, her writing assignment was to write about her weekend. Since it was Labor Day weekend and all, there was a bunch to write. But nobody knows what goes through a child's head. Even a girl in the 4th grade. Someone who always seems happy. And nobody would listen because she was 9.

Now keep in mind, they now live at their aunts house, and have to sleep in a room with (at the time) their 13 year-old cousin. It was him. She knew. She saw it with her eyes. It was he who threatened to touch her if she didn't let him touch her. There was no way to win.

So the next day, on November 1st, she finally told her mother. Her mother was petrified, that her own nephew would ever do this to his cousin. Her own daughter. So later that night her aunt called them both in her room; mom, on the verge of tears. Her aunt with a stern face.

HE LIED.

HE LIED TO HER FACE.

Everything that came out of that mouth of his was a lie. Straight to his mother's face. And she believed it.
EVERY.
SINGLE.
WORD.
Her child was perfect right?
He would never do such perverted things.
Especially nothing incestual, right?
WRONG.
When her eyes finally laid upon this little girls face, she said the worst sentence an aunt could ever say to her only niece.

"You are probably hallucinating. Just ignore it. "

So much was going through that girls head. It felt like a gun shot to her brain. And her neck AND HER ARMS AND LEGS AND STOMACH AND BODY.

She doesn't matter to her aunt. But it's fine. It completely fine. She was born to be raised and used for her body. It is fine.

And it went on. And on and on and on and it felt like forever. It was only for 4 months. But even after they finally moved away to Monroe, it still went on after that. Everytime they spent the night, everytime he came over. He found a way. To use that underage immature CLEAN AND PURE BODY OF HERS. And she thought she couldn't tell anyone, since the last time she was told it was a lie.

So she endured.

And now, that girl, 13 years-old, the age he was when he abused her.

Mentally, emotionally, sexually.

She was raised incorrectly. All she knows about love is lust. She wants someone to use her body. She wants her lover to HURT HER. Use her body, just like he did.

He told her it was love, whenever he used her. All those "sorrys" was because he loved the little girl, right?

Well he doesn't know how disgustly impure she is now. How she wants to feel, and how she thinks about others. She is destined to be horribly hypersexual because that it what she learned.

SHE LEARNED LOVE THAT WAY.
SEX IS LOVE.
RAPE IS LOVE.

But none of this happened right?

Because that 13 year-old girl is me, and I don't believe any of it happened.

I will gaslight myself, to forget about the dirtiness.

Even a shower won't clean it off.
I am like trash. Something to be used and thrown away after.

But it okay, because that is love, right?