Bold and courageous enough to tell me everything. At first I kept ignoring, brushing things off being very vague thinking this might turn em off. But the more I ignored stuff and spent time with them the more they became persistent about their feelings. They are amazing but I don't have feelings. Ironically, I'm in my brokenness when they timely came to rescue me from heartbreak. I don't want to make a mistake again. And don't want anybody including someone I consider a close friend to be part of my healing process. There's so much damage that I have yet to seal. I have no one to talk too about this everyone sympathies her and no one tries to understand my point of view its always some excuse "she's just a girl with feelings take it easy" is it because I am not a girl that I do not get to be understood? Any person would be repulsed after hearing how much they are being talked about by such individual I'm just a boy who thought nothing of it.
I've responded this way to a number of confessions before I pick a girl to be my close friend they get too attached and I unwillingly push them away, its a pattern. Some remain friends as they eventually move on, some insist on remaining friends but actions and behavior say otherwise and the chasm widens, that's sad, but also fine. It's their choice. But in all of those cases I've done the above, asked what they require, and hope they understand that I'll wait for the friendship to return or not - they call the shots. It surprises many friends how patient I am with relationships, considering I'm notoriously impatient with a ton of things. I've been on the other end once too, much to my embarrassment, but I requested time, and above all, no pity. I needed absolutely no pity. It's degrading. And am glad to say that friendship proceeded as though nothing happened.
I really do feel bad for everyone I have shrugged off, but they really shouldn't be settling for someone like me. They won't find whatever they're looking for. Then there's the confident ones that act like paying a modicum of attention is an act of generosity and complain when you're not head over heels for them. Those types make me glad I'm Demiromantic. Because at the very least, I'm immune to their bullshit, and they have to live with that. I am just a boy who started putting himself first.
Imagine being the executioner as opposed to the executed. It hurts more when it's your friend and you lose them. Its worse to say no to a friend than being rejected I have been in both roles but one definitely feels worse than the other. The difference comes from the fact that the person who fell in love thinks they need this one other person, they think they won't ever get over them. (They do eventually get over them) Then there's the person they fell for the Logical side, the aware side, the side that isn't a phase. The person that has to watch their own friend deteriorate over them, over just a boy.
I mean- my experience has always been that they pretend to be friends and then express interest- none of them ever wanted to be the same friends we used to be after I said I wasn't romantically interested- which is fine but it makes me not want to give them an answer, they don't owe me friendship- but it's pretty hurtful to me that they don't find value in my friendship, or keeping me in their lives in any capacity. I am just a boy to them at last.
-But this boy has had enough he needs to talk to someone who understands him and unfortunately for him no one does, not even his closest friends! Silly boy he should of known. why bring it up to his closest, they know all about it already! In fact they talk about it with her so often that you hear everything that gets said making you uncomfortable, but its okay I will be okay right? This is such normal behavior right!
Listen up. Sometimes you can't count on friends and you only have yourself to talk too so if ever you get in a situation like mine. There's no such thing as a friend zone. And no, just because you rejected her doesn't mean you have to suck it up and deal with a fallout there are so many different ways this could pan out, and it all depends on whether you continue to communicate and respect their wishes (if any). Keep reaching out to them, but as you normally do. Don't treat her as though they are a hurt puppy, or thin ice to tread on, such behavior will only bring about further awkwardness. It's not your fault for the gentle rejection. At times if you don't feel attraction you simply don't. You value the friendship, understandably. You don't want it to go to shit. Aim to have the ball in their court, make it clear they are the one in control of how the rest of your friendship will pan out. It's possible by treating them no differently, with a compassion that we all fall for someone we can't have at some point in life, and it's ok. It's human. It's painful, tragic at times, but still beautiful, and that moving on is hopeful, but there is a limit which I shall get into after. Ask them to join in both your usual activities. Ask if they'd like to talk further about it, if they need more time and space. They do? Oblige. Respect their wishes. Communicate. Show that you're open to it. By no means avoid or keep silent. If they wish to end the friendship, respect the decision as well. If they chooses to remain distant and before you know it the friendship is but a figment of a painful memory? Respect the decision. They're a human, not just a 'girl', she doesn't need to be treated delicately. Respect is key, not pity. As long as you aren't hurting yourself in the process.
The limit I was talking about: In fact if you are in my situation and everything becomes too much you do not have to do everything I just said. Why surround yourself in uncomfortable situations? You don't have to be so nice to everyone. You can drop everything and everyone that is associated to the root of the problem. Although not fair to yourself or the people who have not done anything, its ok to start from zero. Especially if your only problems in life are your friends. I mean you made it. you have a house you have absolutely no financial struggles. People are dying in this world and you are over here yapping about the people you have surrounded yourself with. Only yourself to blame silly boy. Walk forward and don't look back do it fast or do it slowly, just don't let yourself go through something you wouldn't let others go through. Never wear your problems on your sleeves or you will attract the hurt who thrive off emotion. Grow and leave others to rot stop wanting to help everyone. Did you ever think to yourself, what have they done for you? No? well now is the time. Everything that is offered from your current circle is great but can be found anywhere. What YOU can offer for your circle is what a very small portion of young adults can do for others. I am not a monster I am here to bring me and my friends to the top, but if they act as weights you know the drill.
