Ivy clutched her bag close to her chest, her heart thumping violently. She knew taking this shortcut back home from college was dangerous, she knew it was a gamble, but she just had to get home quickly to catch the airing of her favourite cartoon, My Little Pony. Being late was not an option. She just had to know if Fluttershy liked bdsm and if Twilight Sparkle was a top or bottom. So, with tepid breath she made her way past the dark alleyways, past the homeless man who pole dances if you pay him 50¢ and past the stinky poopoo garbage cans that littered the area.
Sighing a breath of relief, she continued walking when suddenly she heard a squeak. She turned around, expecting to see a mouse but instead saw a behemoth of man. He had piss yellow coloured hair that was ethereal to look at.
"Piss Guy?", Ivy questioned with bated breath.
"It is I, Piss Guy, and I have come to take you to France 😈⛓️", he answered with a devilish grin.
"NOOO ANYWHERE BUT FRANCE!!", she frantically screamed, but to no avail. No one heard her pitiful cries for help. Ivy would be sent to France and there was nothing she could do about it.
All of a sudden, there was a bang over their heads. Both of them looked up to see Batman just floating there.
"Aren't you Willie McWenis?", Piss Guy asked, raising a perfectly sculpted eyebrow.
"Noo noo noooo. I'm Batboy", the vigilante answered.
"You mean Batbaby?", Ivy contributed.
"Ya sorry i forgor :p", Batbaby said sillily.
Batbaby kicked the air which resulted in Piss Guy violently shitting. Piss Guy started crying, mulling over his shitty shituation.
"Yay thanks Batbabygirl :D", Ivy cheered.
"All in a day's work. Goodbye you goofy goober", Batbahdusnbl flied away.
~1 hour later~
Ivy sat down on her couch, turning on the television, only to realise she missed the bdsm mlp episode.
"Darn that Piss Guy", she muttered.
"You called?", Piss Guy appeared out of thin air.
"No I didn't. Go back to France, you poopoohead", Ivy said savagely.
Piss Guy was understandably devastated. Ivy had absolutely crushed his self esteem, leading him to contemplating kidnapping her. He quickly realised he was about to have explosive diarrhoea again so he went to shit.
Ivy sighed. "I wish I had someone to protect me from scary people like Piss Guy"
"Say less, sweet cumcheeks", someone said in a deep, seductive, guttural voice.
"Are you the mafia?", Ivy innocently questioned, with her big, emerald green orbs looking for this mystery man.
The Mafia Man emerged from her closet. He was unbelievably tall, 6'5? Maybe 6'6. His dark blue orbs glinted with mischief. His messy ginger locks were arranged in perfectly synchronous waves. Wearing a unicorn onesie, this genitalman looked majestically dapper.
"I will take you to my house, k?", he asked in his honey like voice.
"Ogay <3", Ivy answered happily. She couldn't wait to go to Mafia Man's house. She hoped it looked just like Barbie's dreamhouse.
"Let's go, duolingo", he said and took her hand, smiling deviously at her.
YOU ARE READING
Angle of depression 😔⛓️🥀
RomanceIvy is your average short queen who only wants to make a name for herself in the art world. But a certain mafia boss makes it hard for her to focus on anything other than him...
