So August 1st is when I was born but i was born very early and I almost died when I was born I stayed in the hospital for I think it was 1 month and at the time I had a different dad his name was Neil and he abused me alot and, well I can't share to much stuff but I had brushes, cuts, and marks on my body from him, until I was 5 my mom left him and I have a different dad now who is nicer and takes care of me and I grew up with some problems like, ADHD, Autism, Depression, anxiety, etc. I had a lot of stuff wrong with me as a kid but I dealt with it just fine but the Depression as I grew up got worse let's go to my elementary school years in Moscow, now I got bullied alot in elementary because of my voice, looks, and my height and hearing all the things they said to my really hurt me really bad and I got hit from the people who bullied me and kicked, tripped, and mean words, I had to deal with that for 4 years until I moved to Canada and went to a different school, I didn't get bullied as much but I hate very bad trust issues and of course I tried dating back then but they cheated on me I dated maybe 4 people, one of them ghosted me and the rest of the 3 cheated on me...yeah but I guess I'm used to it and that's why I have huge trust issues but let's get to my least favorite year in school ever...grade 6 now I had this teacher his name was Mr. Prediger and he was always...I don't know...weird...like he used to pick me up alot and say I "never finished my homework" even though I did and when he picked me up I got...VERY VERY uncomfortable and even if someone tells him there uncomfortable with him doing that he still does it wich is gross and I also one time ALMOST sued him and so I told my mom about that and she also said it was really perverted and he keeps telling my sister I never did my work even though I did he just never helped me with it. Now let's get to my high school years and this is this year, the first day of high school I had a huge mental breakdown because I'm sensitive to loud noises and the class was LOUD like almost screaming so I asked the teacher if I can talk to her and then I went in the hallway and started crying and I told her my problems with loud noises and I have problems learning to, so let's jump to...I don't know let's say...now...but this was 3 months ago I was contacting a mental health service line and it got so bad that the police came and I got taken to the mental hostpital but I only got talked to because I attempted to kill myself in the past I tried hanging myself in the past and then I used to cut myself alot to on my legs, hands, wrists, neck etc and then a month later it got bad again and I had to go to the hospital again and I heard the word "she needs to stay here" and it clicked in my brain and I just thought "wait...I don't want to die" so I told my dad I cried and said "I don't want to stay here, I will change I'm sorry for everything I promise I will change i won't hurt myself anymore please don't let me stay here" I cried and cried for 3 hours and I was in the hospital until 4 am and they let me go and what broke me is the things that I was trying to do my dad while in the hospital said "this is the first time in 5 years since I seen you showing emotions" and yes it has been that long and again they let me out I went home took my antidepressants and my mom asked if I was okay and I said I was but when she left I just started crying for an hour and then I went to sleep.
So I don't really know what else to say I guess this is all I can remember but dont worry im okay now. (I think?)
