𝐒𝐚𝐟𝐞 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞// Hwang Hyunjin

„Hug?"- 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧

𝐘/𝐧 𝐩𝐨𝐯

We're still talking with his parents and fuck I need cuddles right now.
The whole talk long I'm just silent while pouting lightly. I need attention and love, I know it sounds like I don't get any of them from him but I just need that now.
I don't know why but I feel so empty, I don't want anyone next to me except him.
I want to cry...and I don't know why.
Actually, I do know why. I'm worried about school and stressed, I never talk in class because I'm afraid to.
In every single lesson I can't say anything or answer a question the teacher asked me. Even in English! And I was so good in English...I always knew what the teacher was talking about, I always raised my hand and wasn't afraid to say anything.
My grades keep getting worse and I don't want that...I just want my old self back, the introverted but not that introverted one.
I love being introverted, don't get me wrong. But I hate it so much.
Last time I wrote a test and my head was empty, just like me now.
I don't know why I can't concentrate anymore, I don't know why I don't want to learn anymore, I don't know why I can't answer anything right, I don't know why I'm like this.
I hate myself so much.
Or speaking in front of the class....I always didn't liked that, but now I start crying, either in front of the class or after the presentation.
I'm worried...I'm afraid and so confused.
Even the teachers knew that I'm getting quieter and quieter each lesson. One of my favorite teachers even asked me if everything's okay and noticed that I'm sad and quiet in the last of time. Her words made me tear up.
Every time Hyunjin hugs me or is there for me when I'm sad I start to cry even more, asking myself why he even loves me, who wants to be with such a quiet person? Why is he there for me? I'm grateful, really grateful for everything he has done, but I'm asking myself why he does that.
I'm not worth anything.
I'm so jealous of the people who can just say anything they want without being afraid, especially in class.
I want to be like that too...why am I like this?
The people in my class always say that I'm so quiet that they sometimes forget that I'm there. It hurts to hear that, it hurts so much. The most of them doesn't even know that I'm in their class. „Sometimes you just disappear" I've heard that a lot of times already.
I just want my old self back, is it that hard?

I started tearing up, while tapping the table with my finger.
I looked down, not wanting anyone to see that I'm starting to cry.
I hate myself so much.
Hyunjin took my hand and caressed it with his thumb. And why does he need to notice that now?
Hyunjin: we're going to my room, if it's okay
Mrs. Hwang: of course! Just go
He stood up and went with me in his room.

He closed the door and immediately looked if I'm okay.
Hyunjin: Hug?
I nodded while he pulled me in his arms.
He stroked my hair while I started crying in his embrace.
He let go while still holding me.
He looked at my face and pulled me in a hug again.
He kissed my head while I couldn't help but cry even more.
As I said, why?
Hyunjin: do you want to talk about it?
Yes I do
But I can't.
I shook my head
Hyunjin: okay, you can talk to me when anything happens, you know that...right?
I nodded.
I love him, I love him so much.
But why does he?
I'm just a girl who is afraid to say anything and is quiet, I start crying when I see crowds, I hate loud noises and can't deal with them and probably start crying when I hear them, I can't focus anymore, I feel comfort when I'm alone but need someone to be next to me, I'm clingy and has a inner child that comes out every now and then, I don't talk often, I just feel empty.
And he loves me?
Tears are falling down my cheeks, I can't stop them anymore.
He's still hugging me tightly while kissing my head and stroking my hair.
Hyunjin: do you want to cuddle?
I nodded while sniffing
He let go of the hug and held my hand while walking towards the bed.
He laid down and opened his arms for a hug.
I laid down on his chest and put the blanket over us.
I hugged him from the side and he stroked my hair.
After awhile I fell asleep in his arms while crying.
Hyunjin: I love you
He whispered
That was the last thing I heard before falling in a deep sleep.

𝟖𝟑𝟕 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬