My Love,

May 18, 2023

Love,

I don't know why I'm writing these, my selfishness is getting through me again, I know you're all packed and ready to move on from me, but I still want to say these things. I'm sure you'll never receive this letter but I'll take my chance. Afterall, you're worth it. Always.

In the few minutes that I was reading your letter, I couldn't help but to shed tears. I know, I know that this letter is not supposed to be in my hand but I guess I got lucky, I honestly thought that you'd say that you'd want me back but I know that'll be too impossible. After what I've done to you.

I was just too happy to know that you're still thinking about me, I'm a jerk, right? I get that already, even before I already am. That's why I was really thankful that even though I'm a worthless piece of shit, you still loved me. You cared for me, you were always there for me.

You've sacrificed a lot for me. You waited for me for seven years, you loved me with all of your heart but I wasted all of it. As you said, I wasted your time, but know what, those times that I have together with you were the most beautiful moments that I have in my whole life.

You need to know that I didn't just manifest your love, I prayed to all the Gods and Goddesses to have you, and they did give you to me, and I am very thankful but again I wasted it.

I'm sorry for wasting your time while I'm having the happiest moments of my life with you. I'm so sorry that you need to experience a heart break because of me. I wished nothing but your happiness, Tash.

Please know that you're the only one for me, I love you the most. I'm so sorry that I have to choose her over you. It's just that she really needs me right now. Her family needs me to stay with her.

I know you're thinking that you need me too, how about you? How about us? How about me? You're the one that I need too. But I have to choose her over you, over me, over my happiness.

I see that I really gave you a hard time, huh? I'm sorry, Love. I'm sorry I didn't open up, I just don't want to burden you more, it's just all problems anyway. I wanted to share with you my problems and everything, but every time you tell me something while beaming with happiness, I always stop myself from talking. I don't want you to lose that smile. You are the most beautiful when you smile. You always make my heart skip a beat whenever you smile at me, and only to me.

I miss you so much. I miss everything about you. I miss us. Please don't ever question your worth. You are worthy of everything, but I am not worthy of your love. No, I don't, but I'll still choose to be in your care, in your arms. I miss your warmth around me. I will always choose to be selfish and have you for myself.

I miss the way you call me with your sweet voice.

I miss your fingers caressing and combing my hair every chance you got.

I miss the most delicious coffee that you'd always give me.

I miss our moments, I just miss everything. I hope I can just ditch everything and go to your side. Those three months with you are the only thing that keeps me from going. I don't want it to be just memories though, I don't want it to end in just 3 months.

I can love you for the rest of my life, but I can't stay with you for that long.

Remember that even if I'm with her, my heart's always with you. I don't care whatever you do with it, stab it, crash it, but please don't let go of it.

My love for you never disappeared. It's real and genuine. I love you. I'll always love you with all I have.

Did you know? Mom was so mad at me when I made this decision. It's funny because she cared for you now more than how she cared for Adi. Mom's a friend of Adi's Mom, so she's actually the one who pushed me to help Adi recover. Mom even let me leave the country. Basically, it's Mom' fault. I wanted to blame her, but I'm old enough to be accountable for my actions. I just don't want her to die. I only want her to recover, live her life and find someone. Someone who'll love her the way I love you.

But, that was before, the time that I left for seven years. Then I came back, thinking that I'm all free now.

That's why I approached you again. And I'm really thankful that you're waiting for me. You accepted me with open arms, though I'm sure you're not aware of that. Tash, how could you let me kiss you after being away for seven years?

Even now, I'm still not sure if I'm the obsessed one or you are. Well, for sure I love you more. You don't know how many men got on my nerves just because they looked at you with adoration. I can't blame them 'cause you're really lovely, but I only want you for myself.

Ah, time really does fly when I'm with you. Now, I can't stop myself from wishing for time to pass fast and for all of this to come to an end.

I want to come to you as soon as I can.

I don't want to be late. I don't want to see you being happy with someone.

I'm sorry, Tash. I just, really really love you.

I don't think I can live anymore knowing that you're with someone else already.

So please, if ever that time comes, I beg you, don't ever let me know. I love you so much, I'll never be able to see you with anyone but me.

I'm sorry and thank you that you fell for someone like me.

If given a chance, I will not hesitate to choose you over and over again, Love.

I'm sorry that I can't choose us. I can't choose you. I'm sorry that I love you.

Please just cry, don't bottle up your feelings again.

Just be mad at me, Love. If ever you see me again feel free to slap me, hurt me, yell at me. I can accept those, but don't love someone else in front of me.

Spare me from that heartache, I know you're strong, you handled much more, but me, I'll really die. I'll die.

You're my life, the thought of you makes me alive. You keep me from waking up.

And, know that you don't need to wish for it, because I already miss you, and I don't see you in her eyes, Tash. I only see you. Only you.

I'm sorry. I love you. I miss you.

Though I know, you'll never see this letter but I pray that you're safe.

Please think of me from time to time.

I love you. My one and only. My Always.

My Love,

I'm sorry for wasting your time,

Your Love,

M.