𝒂𝒍𝒆𝒙𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒚𝒎𝒊𝒂 | 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐝.

𝗲𝗽𝗵𝗶𝗽𝗮𝗻𝘆

Ethan took a last sip from the wine glass in his hand, waving to his friends a farewell as the lights of the bar became blurrier in his every steps. How wonderful, he thought to himself. It wasn't that he drank himself with the alcohol his friends tried to give out.

It was just that he can't take the pain from seeing the love of his life taking glances from him time to time. The pain that he knew she was trying to forget about him when he knew himself that he's dying to be with her, back when everything that he sees is filtered with every heart and love imaginable. 

When he looked back again, he saw the cerulean blue eyes staring straight at him. The feelings he thought he buried deep down his heart started clawing against the chains he locked with. As the owner of the feelings in his heart started walking out of the bar and headed to his path, Ethan only gave her a hardened stare as the fresh memories of her walking out the door kept surfacing up.

"Amelia," he carefully said her name as the smile he loved appeared on her lips.

"Ethan. It's nice to meet you," she replied with a laugh in the end. Oh, that laugh. Unbeknownst to him, he smiled at her like it had become a habit when he's near to her.

"So..." Fuck, what should he say? How are you doing after you left me? That sounds wrong. But he really wants to hear the reason why he had to suffer all those years when they were so happy together.

"Why-"

"There's-"

Smiles appeared at both of their faces as their laughter became the only sound echoing at the sleeping neighborhood. It was like they were together again, no doors closed, and no one left behind.

"You go first," he said as he wiped away the tears out of his eyes.

"Thanks. I was just saying that there's a restaurant in the area." Amelia said while hiding her hands at her back. "Maybe we could talk there. You know, catch up a bit."

Ethan only nodded as they walked together down the dimly lit path down the road. There were no conversations after, only him and her, walking down five paces ahead of each other.

As he finally got the courage to take notice of her, he realized that he wasn't the only one that changed. Her long wavy blonde hair was now cut short to her shoulders as it laid down softly down her lightly freckled neck. Her clothing style may have changed, too. Maybe.

He's not the fashion type of guy, but he knew that her style of clothing is now more mature looking than before. If he could get a dollar for every time he could think of many things that could express her beauty in his eyes, he'd be rich and continue telling his praises like an addiction he'd never get tired off.

Along the way, his eyes never wavered nor looked at anyone he passes by. For him, it was like he had been back to zero, the hopelessly in love kid that cries every time his crush won't notice him. Her back that seemed so far apart from him started overlapping with the past her. As if it's becoming clear that the person that he had spent all his life loving was becoming a stranger in his eyes.

And he happened to meet her eyes once again when she looked back, searching for that once brilliant glow deep between her cerulean blues, but there wasn't. It was like what she said. They were only catching up. No getting back together. No more 'I love you' notes secretly passed on the library. No more quarreling over who left the refrigerator door open. Most importantly, there's no more bridge of letters between I to U.

As tears began forming in his hazel brown eyes, the hammering of his heart became louder with his every step closer to the restaurant. If he stepped a foot in there, he'll have to face the truth. The truth that when she held his hand closer and began chatting to him while waiting for the table, Amelia Woods would leave him again, utterly hopeless and broken to repair.

"Amelia," he said as he watched her twirling half of her hair with a claw clip before taking a bite off the garlic bread. "What really is your purpose?"

"Purpose?" Amelia asked as she placed the bread down the plate. "Could there be a purpose of wanting to eat dinner in a nice restaurant while catching up with you like good old times?"

Ethan fought off a grin in his face as the wanting to remove the crumbs down her cheeks like usual became stronger. "You're not taking me seriously. Look, Amelia. There must be a reason why you'll want to talk to me again after taking half of my life in the palm of your hands and using it to shut down all our plans to the future."

"With the way you're talking like that, you're making me sound like the bad guy here," Amelia replied while tears kept forming down her eyes.

"I don't know even who's the good or bad here." Ethan then began pointing at his heart. "Because all I know is that you broke me."

"I thought that if I loved you wholeheartedly, we'll be happy together. I wrote down books after books, described every little thing that I loved about you. I turned your every insecurity into paragraphs so much that I could memorize all the poem and novels that I wrote, just for you."

"All I did was love you." Ethan looked up and stared at the reddening cerulean eyes. "But why did you throw it away?"

"Free," she added. "I wanted to be free."

"While you are loving me, all I could feel was grief. Even if you wrapped me in your arms forever, whispered into my ear, and cuddled me, I could feel all those overwhelming warmth and love that I forgot about me." Amelia cried out as he saw her reach into his hands and began holding onto it with her life.

If shouting was the best option for the confusing feelings that kept rushing to his heart, he wished that he'll never do it. Everything she said. Every word was like a dagger that kept digging past his heart that even without someone holding onto it, it kept the will of its owner and never failed to inflict a pain to the wounded heart.

"We could have talked it out."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because if I did, it would be harder for me to leave."

"Amelia Woods, from the moment I saw you down the streets, writing down the road with some off yellow chalk. I knew that I would fall helplessly in your hands. I have always wished for your happiness that I wasted paper after paper trying to find the right words when I confessed. R- Remember?" Words after words kept pouring out of his mouth, almost like he was begging, and it struck him.

Maybe he noticed it a while ago or chose to ignore it. He hoped it wasn't the latter one because the reality that he had been avoiding ever since he met the cerulean blue eyes that he ever so dearly yearned had no more tears to shed.

Ethan Lewis was now completely shut out of her heart, never to be opened to again. His hands that seemed to never want to move out of her warm hands was now able to pull away from hers. The eyes that kept pouring out rivers of tear dried up, the mind that always wondered of the 'could have been' cleared out, and the heart that would give out endless love to the person in front of him has finally learnt its lesson.

"...Thank you." Ethan said as he let out a small smile. He reached into his pockets and left a hundred bill to the table, waiting for a moment if she would say something to him, but she didn't. That's good enough for him.

For all my life, you were my muse. I no longer know what to say to you. All those words that I carefully gave to you before was real. But now, I am finally able to finish my last book for you.

Years passed, and I can confidently shout with all my might that I have started anew. I am now happily married to my forever darling with a little one waiting that helped me get into terms with my life. This book was your last stop while I am boarding to a new one.

Wishing you happiness, 

Ethan Morris-Lewis